Monthly Archives: October 2013

Surgery, stress and Sabbath rest…

30 Wednesday Oct 2013

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I had surgery several years. It wasn’t a REALLY big deal, but big enough to land me 6-weeks of rest and relaxation. It was an amazing time! I was able to read books, nap, watch old movies, enjoy visits from friends – some of whom even brought lunch to my home! I lost the internal pressure that typically nagged me to clean house or do laundry. I couldn’t drive, so the errands were no longer my responsibility. The grass still grew and I didn’t care. Leaves fell…nope, not my problem. I chatted on the phone, got dressed at noon, perused stacks of magazines and finished knitting a sweater. It was wonderful! So much so, I cried when the doctor let me know I was no longer on any restrictions. There are days that I long for the calm I felt during my recovery.

I worry a lot. Of course, I think it is justifiable. Who doesn’t worry about health, finances, politics, family, things that need doing, things that didn’t get done, holidays, week days, work days, and ultimately everything that is happening, could happen or should happen? A friend suggested that I not worry about things twice – like, worry about them after they happen, which eliminates a fair portion of the could-happen issues. Unfortunately, it’s not quite that easy. Worriers will agree that it’s not a voluntary response. Like breathing, it’s part of our physical being.

The problem is, the worrier’s obsession with “what if…what if…what if…” becomes the mantra of stress, the #1 health problem in America today. Isn’t it interesting that a country with the wealth, support and resources available to us in the United States is plagued with illnesses linked to stress? The average American doesn’t need to worry about food or shelter like millions of the poor who live in third world countries. We aren’t war torn like much of the Middle East. We enjoy freedoms that are unheard of in many countries. Yet, we are killing ourselves through worry and stress and we don’t know how to stop it.

The writer of Matthew gives us Christ’s words of hope and encouragement for our worry. You can find them at the end of this essay. I intentionally chose The Message translation as it speaks to our national obsession. Notice particularly what is said in verses 30-33, “…What I am trying to do here is get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving…”

I remember when my children were little. Christmas was a difficult time. Between commercials on television and the talk amongst friends, they developed an idea of what Santa Claus should bring them. You know, what they were entitled to simply because that’s what the media and their friends indicated they should have. When you think you deserve the biggest, best-est, most awesome toy that money can buy and receive something less than that expectation…well, it can make for a pretty disappointing Christmas morning. Our challenge as parents was to help them realize that a gift given with love has ultimately more value than anything money can buy. It is also our challenge as God’s children to realize that the gifts God gives to us are uniquely given to us out of God’s love for us. It’s not like the mother (me!) who counts dollar amount and numbers of packages to make sure everything is fair. It’s about recognizing that God is there, walking with us, caring for us and giving us His amazing love in ways that we must slow down long enough to see.

And, that brings me to the Sabbath. Growing up, I got the idea that Sunday was a ‘day of rest’. Cool! Stores and gas stations were closed. Church was mandatory, as was roast beef or chicken for dinner. It was the one day of the week that we knew we would eat in the dining room and perfect manners were expected. We could play with our friends after dinner, but even our play was to be more subdued. I set up my dolls in little rows and began to preach to them, but was told it wasn’t appropriate to play church. The day was filled with reverence and the realization that no matter what, I would never get it right. I couldn’t wait for Monday!

The thing about the Sabbath is that God knows what we need. God wildly created amazing things for 6 periods of time. (Okay – scripture says, “days”…) Then, even God took time off to breathe, to enjoy and to rest. God also took time after every major creation event to sit back, nod, and recognize it all was good. (Genesis 1:1-31; Genesis 2:1-4) Let’s say it again – God took time off. No, not to leave creation to it’s own devices, but to look at it, to breathe, and to be pleased with it.

You see, the Sabbath is not supposed to be a burden. It is supposed to be a time when we take time off from our daily work and/or routines. It’s a time for renewal, for rest, for relationships and to be pleased with – to be grateful for – all the places we see God’s love and care in our lives. It shouldn’t take a major surgery and doctor’s orders for us to find that place of relaxation nor does it need to be on a given day of the week. However, we do need to stop periodically, to let the stress of the world cease for some time and to become mindful of God’s presence. We need to let go of our worries and remember that God is working in and through and around all that is. It’s not about God giving us all the things we feel entitled to. It’s recognizing that whatever our circumstances are, God is there.

When I truly embrace those thoughts, I realize that I long for Sabbath rest so much that I can’t relegate it to only one day of the week. It’s more of a ‘take as needed’ prescription that, at my healthiest, I choose to take frequently.

Matthew 6: 25-34 (The Message)

25-26 “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

27-29 “Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Success, yokes and stress…

24 Thursday Oct 2013

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“Success means we go to sleep at night knowing that our talents and abilties were used in a way that served others.”

Marianne Williamson

Success is an interesting thing. It might be a particular rung on the corporate ladder, completion of a major athletic even, or gaining admission to a prestigious organization. Some might find success in the accomplishments of their children or reaching that next milestone-wedding anniversary. For others it might be moving into their dream home, driving the ‘it’ car, or sporting the latest and greatest clothing label. Do you find your place on this list? Is your success measured by any of these markers? Or, do you see it another way? How we define stress says a lot about what we value. 

We live in a culture that is deeply affected by the desire for success. Stress and anxiety are so prevalent that we have entire industries based on helping people find the calm through herbs, pharmaceuticals, physical activity, diets and a myriad of other remedies. Companies that specialize in clothing, furniture, books, and DVD’s have branched out from those industries hoping to build revenue when we realize their product is available to augment whatever it is that is supposed to bring serenity to our lives. In spite of all that is available to us to bring us peace, we see that health in America is increasingly affected by the human physiological response to unresolved stress and anxiety. On the individual level this can be seen in the national obesity level, heart disease, cancers, strokes and a litany of chronic illnesses. As a community we see uncontrolled anger, frustration and hopelessness that presents itself in a variety of crimes ranging from a neighborhood spat to road rage to hostile shootings.

The problem is, with all of the resources available to us today, we don’t seem to be able to find peace. In actuality, our national obsession with stress and its ugly outcomes seems to be getting worse. Most of us long for that elusive feeling of peace, yet we just can’t seem to find it in the midst of our goal-oriented culture.

Years ago I heard a national talk show hostess encourage an overweight, lonely and depressed woman to find a place to volunteer 3-4 times a week. There was one important caveat to her advice – the place had to be more than a mile from her home. She was to walk there, share herself in service to others and walk home at the end of her scheduled shift. After she had done this for a month, she was to call into the show again to let the hostess know what transpired. She speculated that the woman would loose some of her excess weight from regular exercise and, more importantly, she would recognize she had something to offer to others, which would ease her feelings of loneliness and despair. I didn’t hear the second call. My guess is the talk show hostess was right.

In her quote, Marianne Williamson equates success with the use of our talents and abilities. How many times have we heard that we will be successful in life if we find our passion and make it our work? The problem is, success measured in those terms tends to be about financial achievement. Williamson gives us another measure – peace, the kind that feeds into sound and restorative sleep, as a result of success. That peace comes from serving others.

In Matthew 11 Jesus tells us something about who we are in God’s world. It ends with an invitation to “come to me” and it speaks to “all who are weary and carrying heavy burdens.” Even though the burdens we carry in our current era are very different from the ancient people, there are still big, ugly things that cause us to live in constant stress. Jesus paints a different picture of what life could and should look like. There’s just this one little thing we need to do and it involves a yoke.

The ancients would have understood the function of a yoke. It is a large, wooden crosspiece that harnesses two animals together so they can pull a cart. The yoke binds them so they share the load and complete the work. In our industrialized world, we have little need for yokes and oxen, so it is hard to picture what this analogy looks like. The point is, Jesus calls to us in our stressed and crazy lives. He offers us rest. Then, he instructs us to take his yoke. No, not to carry it alone. The nature of a yoke is that it is shared. Jesus is going to walk with us and guide us in his ways. There will be times when we try to veer left when he is moving right, or vice versa, and the yoke will keep us moving along together.

This brings up another point to ponder, namely Jesus’ ways. I never really thought about Jesus’ ways as being based on his talents and abilities. I mean, he’s Jesus, for crying out loud! Wouldn’t a list of things that weren’t his talents and abilities be shorter, if anything at all? But, what if we tried to make a list of the good things…acceptance, nurture, serving others…

Jesus’ way was and is to serve others. In our humanity we have limitations. Some of us are good at some things while others excel at others. We read in Romans and 1 Corinthians that we are given different gifts and talents, yet all of them are to be used in service to God. What does that look like? If we follow the example that Jesus modeled for us through his life, service to God is service to those around us.

Which brings us back to Ms Williamson’s quote. When we recognize who we are and whose we are, we will use our talents and abilities in a way that serves others. Maybe then we can let go of societies measures of success and find rest in living as God created us to live.

 “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11: 28-30

Ponderings on forgiveness…

16 Wednesday Oct 2013

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I knew a woman whose daughter was murdered. The courts called it a “crime of passion” – an act of domestic violence. It seems her estranged husband visited her, lost his mind momentarily, began choking her and didn’t come to his senses for the 4-6 minutes it took to squeeze her life out of her body. A story like that will certainly grab the attention and outrage of most readers. If that isn’t enough, it happened in front of the couple’s daughters who were just 2 and 4 at the time. He was sentenced to 18-months in prison and given full custody of the girls upon his release. Really!!!??? The scenario gets even more bizarre – the woman I knew forgave him.

I doubt there is anyone who hasn’t attempted to figure out what forgiveness is all about. It doesn’t take long to forget the guy who cut me off in traffic. I have been known to blast my horn and offer a hand gesture or a few expletives before letting it go, but ultimately, I go about my business without giving it another thought.  How about the neighbor who calls the police every time the cat finds their garden mulch to be an attractive litter box? It’s getting a bit harder now. Then there are the families like my former acquaintance. We all have that point where we find it easier to hate than forgive, and we all hope we never have to come face to face with that spot. She did in an unimaginable way and chose forgiveness. How does that happen?

I guess we have to ponder the question, “What is forgiveness?” Is it something we have to do because of Christian ethics? Like, does it give us points on the Divine tally card? Yet, if faith is all we need, than what happens to our perceived brownie points? Are they real or something we think we need so we can feel better about our actions when we compared our lives to someone else’s? It feeds into a questionable theology that there is a maximum number of people God can love so we are chosen by some nebulous valuation. Some theologians hypothesize that our actions are not as important as our motivation behind the actions. They call it, “the intention of the heart”. If it’s true that what we do is not as important as why we do it, then what happens if I have become bitter and broken because of how I have experienced the damaging actions of someone else? Certainly I have become who I am based on how I perceive the situation and it affects what I do. But, is it who I am as I was created or who I have become because of life’s roller coaster events? Maybe, just maybe, therein is where we find the key.

If who we are is the result of our deepening faith in God, then what we do is also a direct result of that relationship. In accepting God, we begin to realize how broken we are. Isn’t it awesome to refer to it as ‘broken’ – not damaged beyond repair or, worst yet, made wrong in the first place! It means we can look at our foibles as the result of things that have happened to and around us, often because of events that we may or may not have had the ability to control. Our poor choices, the choices of others, how we see the world and how we perceive the world to see us all lead to the damage imposed on who we were created to be. When we understand that everyone is broken, just as we are, we can develop an empathy or understanding for the assaults imposed on the lives of others. This can move us to compassion for their situation and help us to realize that their “crime” against is a result of their brokenness, our brokenness or simply differences in how we see our place in the world around us. If we learn anything from the example Christ gave to us through his life, death and resurrection, it means that we are encouraged to extend grace to those who offend us. Who are they? What events have shaped and formed their lives? How does that affect their response to the people around them? Grace might even soften us enough to recognize what part, if any, we may have played in the situation, helping us to bridge the impasse between us and the other(s) so that conversation can begin.

One must also remember that forgiveness is never one sided. What happens when the other person feels as deeply hurt or as righteously right as I feel? What if they aren’t willing to meet me half way…or 25% of the way…or even budge a smidgen off of their position? Then what?

As we live a life consistent with the lessons Christ modeled for us, we find our ability to love others deepens. We realize we are all equal in God’s eyes (Galatians 3:28) and we all have sinned and fallen short of God’s intentions for us (Romans 3:28). We might even realize we are in all this together. And, when we truly believe that, we might come to that place where we place less emphasis on our own comfort and how it has been interrupted by another. In doing so, we become compassionate regarding another’s trials and tribulations. That compassion allows us to forgive. Again, it is all about love, a love that flows from us in all directions as we live as God intended for us to live. Forgiveness might be regaining a full and meaningful relationship with the person. It might also be simply letting go of anger and frustration long enough to allow the other person to walk away without my need to scream everything I want them to know about how awful they are at their back.

I still don’t understand how a mother can forgive her daughter’s killer. Although, as I continue to ponder the mystery of forgiveness, I am humbled with the reality of God’s freely given grace. That humility kicks my righteous pedestal squarely  out from under me, forcing me to be open to people and actions I just don’t understand. Then, little by little I find myself forgiving…

Now what…

08 Tuesday Oct 2013

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Some days are confusing. The conundrum seems to come when expectations and reality fail to match up or when a perception of the way things should be moves from actuality to a distant or fading dream. Maybe it comes in the form of a difficult conversation with a friend, an unexpected diagnosis, a natural disaster, or a litany of other issues that leaves one in a place that was never expected without the skills or tools to deal with the problem. We’ve all been there, deep in the black hole of, “Now what?”

I remember the first time I traveled alone. It was a 4,000-mile trip with a layover in an unfamiliar city at an equally unfamiliar airport. I like to have a general familiarity with where I am going, which took this experience completely out of my comfort zone. I find it daunting to navigate through an unknown place, even though it’s to get to a desired destination. I prepared as well as I could, but I was intimidated knowing there would be glitches that could thwart my plans.

Airports are loaded with signs. It’s like every piece of information necessary to get from point A to point B is there. A person just needs to look for information that is relevant to their search. Food court? Restroom? Gate information? Baggage claim? Ground transportation? Just look at the signs and they will guide you. And, if that isn’t enough, there are plenty of people along the way who are willing to hear a question and point in the right direction. Some might even walk with you, turning that “now what” moment into an unexpected pleasure as you chat about life, airports, and silly worries.

The airport example is an overly simplified analogy of difficult life situations, but the point couldn’t be more relevant. We all have experienced that dreaded place where life takes a turn and we are clueless about handling it. Sometimes all we can do is step out, look for signs, ask for help and keep on moving along the path toward that nebulous place we long to be.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, “God listens.” Awesome! I love the idea that God hears my angsts, pleas, ideas, plans and requests for help. But, if I really think about it, the underlying message is that I need to let God know what’s going on down here on Earth so God can take care of things the way I think or hope they should be taken care of. I guess that also means I need to try to be unbiased, but that’s hard. Individual perspective is full of specific experiences, hopes and dreams making it a myopic view of life and how it can continue to exist without risking the result of walking into “now what”. It then seems that if I need to inform God, God also needs to hear from everyone to get a full picture of what’s happening in creation. So, whom does God really listen to? Me? Someone with greater needs than mine? Someone who is more religious than me? Someone who is more articulate or more giving or more loving? If that’s the case, what happens to my hopes, plans and dreams or my pleas for help if they are different from some else’s, particularly if that someone else is better at attracting God’s attention? Additionally, if God is listening, where is God listening from? Somewhere out there? And why is God listening?

As a child I was often told that even if I thought I got away with something horrible, God would know about it because God is everywhere and sees everything. It was a parenting technique used to keep a child from getting into trouble when adults weren’t present. It also led to the belief that God is everywhere simply to catch us being naughty or nice and keeps score on a divine tally sheet, making God rather like Santa Claus. I spent years fearing that God’s witness of my transgression would affect God’s love for me. I knew God was there and I thought I knew why. Fortunately, I was wrong. God’s presence isn’t to watch, judge and punish. It’s to whisper and guide us toward living as God created us to live – in community with others, looking for the signs that guide us as we walk together chatting about life, airports, and silly worries.

God’s presence in all things means God already knows all that we want or need to say to God, including our need to say it. That’s part one of the conversation. Part two is to listen for the gentle whisper of God within, around and through us. (Kings 19: 11-13) Maybe we need to slow down, silence our pleas, or simply letting go of our plans long enough to know that a loving God is present always and everywhere and through that love, God will help us navigate those places that make us cry out, “Now what?” And, maybe…just maybe…if we are open to listening for the gentle whisper, we will find comfort and hope as God gently guides us. God listens? Of course! Now, let us also listen to God.

“How you get there is where you’ll arrive…”

03 Thursday Oct 2013

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Years ago I was confronted with three questions: “Who are you?”, “Where are you going?” and “How are you going to get there?” It took some real thought to formulate answers. Who am I? Well, I could repeat my name, complete with nicknames, titles and surnames; tell you what I did for a living; and that I like my red wine at room temperature and my white wine chilled. I had plans for the future…some of which have been fulfilled and some that sound pretty crazy to my current self. I was going to travel; open my own business or enjoy a successful career; write a book; and be part of a perfect family. I would never have to diet, exercise or worry about health. Nor would I worry about taxes, politics, sexual predators, or wrinkles. Life would happen the way it was supposed to because…well, because…because… The truth was, I didn’t know how I was going to get there, I only knew where I wanted to be.

Some days I find myself asking God similar questions, like “Who are you”? The second one is more difficult, “Where are you in my life?” I don’t always have answers for these complex questions, but I do know how one resolves them will determine how a person lives.

There are times when the notion of “God” seems odd. Oh, I know what Christian tradition has told me. And, I know that perceptions of who God is adjusts with the exploration of other traditions or as common beliefs meander through time. An understanding of God’s nature seems to change when confronted with other brands for the divine: Jehovah, Allah, Lord, Jesus and the list goes on. If one calls The Divine essence by a particular name, it seems to ascribe particular traits or understandings. Some define love, acceptance, mercy, and nurture. Others depict a perfect being which is obsessed with our ability to match that impeccability. Still others conjure up hate and the inability to accept anything that doesn’t match a sanctioned stereotype. We read in scripture that Jesus asked the disciples over and over, “Who do you say that I am?” It is interesting to juxtapose that thought with a question posed by Brian McLaren, a Protestant pastor and lecturer when he stated, “…What you focus on determines what you miss.” “Who do you say that I am?” (Matt 16:15 and Mark 8:29) Even the act of wrapping words around that statement means something will become hidden. Peter responded, “You are the Messiah.” Even that word carried human understanding and expectations. No wonder so many parables have to do with sight being given to the blind. What are we missing as we stumble through life? Who is God? Are we ‘made in the image’ of one who loves or one who hates?  One who shows mercy and nurture or judges? Our perception of the divine is as important in our relationship with ourselves as in our interactions with others. Do I love and nurture myself? Or do I bully myself with taunts and jabs about decisions I have made or perceived personal failures?

Dovetailed into this cloudy definition is the concept of where the divine exists in our lives. Jesus responded to the Pharisees question regarding the coming of the kingdom of God by saying, ‘the kingdom of God is among (within – NIV) us’. (Luke 17:21) Like most of scripture, this is a pretty muddy statement. What does it mean that the kingdom is among us? Within us? Is this a reference to heaven? Or is it a broader statement about creation? Is God somewhere out there, beyond the clouds? I haven’t seen any angels, harps or pearly gates when flying above the clouds. Trust me, I have been known to be glued to the airplane window.  Physics and aerodynamics explain how something weighing in somewhere around 800,000 pounds can defy gravity. I never studied either subject. I suppose if I had, I would understand that gravity is only part of the picture.

The thing is, when I am looking beyond my reality for God and this nebulous kingdom, I miss it. If I look around the plane, I might notice the flight attendant who helps an elderly woman to the restroom because her aging balance makes it difficult to navigate the aisle or the young man who jumps up to pull that overly heavy bag out of the overhead compartment for the young mother traveling with an infant. I might also miss the businessman who gives up his 1st class seat for the soldier who is traveling with orders that take her into unknown geographical, emotional and physical territory. It’s the recognition of people serving others simply because they can. This is God among us, within us, reaching out to love and nurture all that is around us.

A recent post said, “How you get there is where you’ll arrive”. Various sources attribute the quote to Lewis Carroll in Alice in Wonderland. I couldn’t verify this. The point is, whoever it was completely tapped into our spiritual journey. How we do life – no matter who we think we are, where we think we are going or how we think we are going to get there – will depend on who we say that God is and where we see the divine in our lives. It isn’t simply noticing the good in the world, it’s recognizing that there is good in everything that God created and trusting that God is present always and everywhere – even in people we think are crazy, stupid, arrogant or just plain irritating. Aristotle said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” That statement can send a mathematician into apoplexy. Although, it’s magic to a behaviorist and theologian! It’s remembering that each one of us is a mixture of God’s goodness and human brokenness. It’s recognizing that our blindness will make us miss something that someone else might see. If we can put all of this together, we know that we are limited when we can only see our perspective. When we open ourselves to others and filter all that we come up against through the lens of our understanding of who God is and where we find God in our lives, we will become open to conversation and discernment regarding the opinions of others. It is then, and only then that we move forward together.

“How you get there is where you will arrive.” In the whole scheme of things, it seems that how one gets there is the important part. When it’s done with God at the center, it will lead to arriving exactly where we need to be.