Monthly Archives: January 2014

Lessons from a failed internet connection…

29 Wednesday Jan 2014

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ImageMy internet connection failed me today. It’s funny, but I felt lost and isolated. I went about a normal routine, but a corner of my mind remained focused on cyberspace. Was I missing something? The television news was exasperatingly slow compared to my usual computerized perusal of headlines and articles complete with links to items of interest and searches to answer the most trivial questions. Don’t even get me started on how many commercials invade my local channel or how many times the weather and traffic are repeated! I bake bread several times a week. While waiting for the dough to rise I tend to search email and social media sites to see what is going on with friends and family. This, too, was not to be part of my morning. Instead, my rise-time was spent cleaning and organizing a much-used kitchen cabinet, all the while being focused on how I was going to deal with the internet issue. A call to my provider would most likely be necessary, but I absolutely HATE how that scenario typically plays out. My subsequent procrastination led to a variety of activities subconsciously selected to avoid the inevitable conversation that would begin with “have you tried to restart your computer…” Good grief! Yes, and yes I checked the modem and yes I have power to my house…

The morning was actually quite productive, yet I carried my internet longings through all of it. 

When I did sit down to try my computer again, it was as if nothing had ever happened. Apparently the problem was with the provider, who rectified the situation without the need to hear from me. We can both be thankful for that! Past the computer restart, modem check and knowledge of power to the house I am a complete computer illiterate making trouble shooting challenging for all involved parties. 

However, as I ponder the morning there is a deeper message to dwell on. I mean, I was TOTALLY focused on something. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It had become part of me, motivating my thoughts, conversations and actions. Wait…what? It was as if on cue the words of the Apostle Paul put a proper perspective on my irritation. 

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ

Jesus for you.” Thessalonians 5: 16-17 (NRSV)

No, I did not interpret it to say it was God’s will that I stay off of the computer for the morning. To put this kind of inappropriate emphasis   on Paul’s statement causes us to think that everything that happens to us is “God’s will”, even if it is something ugly, rotten or horrible making God into something to hide from or avoid at all costs least some unimaginable consequence befall us. No one will ever convince me that is the action of the same God who created us, loves us and continually beacons us to turn towards him/her.

The strength of Paul’s statement is in the part about rejoicing, praying and giving thanks in all circumstances, for to do so is the will of God. You see, God doesn’t create our stuff. God’s will is that we allow God to walk with us as we navigate whatever life throws at us and that we deal with others out of love and compassion. In many ways it’s like my computer experience. Everything I did this morning was affected by my failing internet. As I said earlier, it affected my thoughts, conversation and actions. It became a part of me. What if I allowed God a similar position in my life? I mean, what if I was so focused on God that he/she affected all of my thoughts, conversations and actions? No, I am not advocating that we all memorize 23 significant scriptures so we can pull them out as needed in random conversations. Nor do I think we should throw around obvious quips about being blessed whenever a red light turns green as we approach it or a dreaded medical test comes back assuring us that we are healthy so we can blissfully go about life as we have always done confident that God is walking ahead of us to make sure the path is neat and straight.  There is nothing wrong with memorizing scripture or giving thanks, but the significance of walking with God throughout all the stuff of life is much deeper than that. It’s letting God become the core of our thoughts, conversations and actions. It’s the assurance Paul gives us that God is and no matter what happens in life, whether I cause it or I am a victim to it, I belong to God. 

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

It is with that knowledge that I can navigate this crazy thing called “life” rejoicing and giving thanks that something far more wonderful that I can ever imagine not only created me, but loves me simply for who I am. I don’t have to prove anything or look a certain way. I am loved. Even when I make a mess of things, I am loved. When I act like a spoiled toddler, I am loved. When I feel the weight of pain or sorrow or fatigue or despair, I am loved. Period.

That leaves us with the ‘pray without ceasing’ part of Paul’s message to the Thessalonians. Prayer is an interesting thing. We know how we teach children to pray. To get them to be still for any reason is difficult so we ask them to sit or kneel, fold their hands and close their eyes. Think about it, this positioning keeps them in one spot, limits their ability to poke the child next to them and removes visual stimulation so they can focus on their conversation with God. Unfortunately, carrying this narrow concept can limit our understanding of prayer by making it the official moment when one sits or kneels, folds their hands and closes their eyes. Do not misunderstand; there is a tremendous meditative quality to this type of prayer, however to utilize this as the only format for prayer would thwart anyone’s ability to accomplish the task of praying without ceasing. Prayer then becomes a spiritual burden that must be fit into life. Even monks must take time to eat, sleep and take on the necessary routines of the day. Prayer must fall into a broader category.

I believe that Paul called us to live as if God matters when he gave the instruction to pray without ceasing. Yes, prayer comes through rejoicing and thanking God. It comes through the humility we feel when we fully believe that God loves us through all of our complicated, messed up lives. It comes when we question what path we should take or why our most horrible fears came true. It comes when we stand in awe at the majesty of a mountain or a spectacular sunset as well as when we simply take the time to inhale the beauty of a rose. Prayer is recognizing God’s unfailing presence in all things and it’s allowing that knowledge to influence all of our thoughts, conversations and actions. 

When my computer problems took over my thought processes, I acted out of a disjointed, impatient, complaining frustration. How different my responses would be if I totally focused on God, or to phrase it another way, when I pray without ceasing. That prayer comes through study, conversations with friends, worship, meditation, devotions and simply carrying the knowledge of God’s presence with me throughout the day and through it I find I am slowly growing to depend on God and his/her ways rather than my own. 

“By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.” Galatians 5:22-23

 

 

Mirrors, deeds and MLK…

23 Thursday Jan 2014

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     Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “What are you doing for others?  Martin Luther King, Jr.

I finally got out the window spray and cleaned the mirror I use every morning. It’s a really cool mirror with magnification on one side and ‘normal’ on the other. Not only is it mounted on the wall at just my height, it is hard wired so I can flip the switch and light it up. The thing is, I liked it better before I cleaned it. Much like the effect of an airbrushed photo, the fine layer of dust muted my uneven skin tones, wrinkles and pores sending me blissfully into the world with an unrealistic modicum of perspective regarding my appearance as related to my chronological age. Ahhhh  – the joy of living in ignorance…

Ignorance is an interesting word. It refers to a lack of knowledge about something. I guess, like my mirror experience, that can be a good thing. But it can also be detrimental. I can wish all day long for health. But, if I am ignorant about the correlation between diet, exercise, relaxation, attitude and disease prevention, I will be ineffective in maximizing my body’s potential for longevity. There is some knowledge that we simply need to accept as our responsibility and not allow ignorance to blossom with the result of harm to others or ourselves.

Several years ago I was asked about the wording of The Confession of Sin used weekly in the Holy Eucharist. (Book of Common Prayer, p. 360) The confession begins with: Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word and deed by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. Most of us can point to a thing or two we have thought, said or done that was less than what might be considered a good thing. And, within that knowledge we can choose to ask for mercy or go on as if our behavior was either acceptable or it didn’t matter. The problem stemmed from the part of the confession that refers to the things we have left undone. There is only so much time! As it is, we must triage the demands of life so the important issues are taken care of. Does this mean that I’m not doing enough? What more can there be and if I have to ask, how can I be held accountable for something I don’t even know? Or am I responsible for something that didn’t make the cut for my time and attention? Certainly my ignorance of a situation shouldn’t be used against me!

There it is again…ignorance. Only this time it has to do with something far more serious than mirrors or healthy life practices. This time it has to do with the core of who we are as we live in this world created by the One who longs for the delight we will experience if we live as we were created to live.

The next line of the confession speaks to the nature of deeds and offers a hint toward answering the question: We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. What we have done is not loved God more than all that surrounds us. That’s hard! We are bombarded with some pretty cool stuff and awesome people! Sometimes God seems so distant that it’s easy to forget God is the essence of all goodness that we experience every minute of every day. Additionally, that part about not loving our neighbors as ourselves… I mean, I try! Maybe I missed someone’s birthday or didn’t send a note when they were in need of encouragement. Certainly I can get a free pass because I was busy with other important things! Maybe I didn’t know something was that necessary…maybe I was just ignorant…

Ignorance. There it is again. It is so easy to sit in the comfort of our own lives reassuring ourselves that we are good, or right, or entitled, or wronged, or justified, or unjustifiably accused or whatever it is that our hope or our rant for the day confirms. I have been known to become absorbed in the comments listed following online articles that can be viewed as either liberal or as conservative. The comments themselves are often diametrically opposed, yet the nature of the comments contain striking and unfortunate similarities. It’s as if like-minded people flock together to accuse the other side of being narrow-minded puppets of some crazy agenda that has nothing to do with the reality of either polarized opinion. Ultimately, neither side knows anything about the other, yet both seem to purport an in-depth knowledge of the other side and why they are simply wrong to think the way they think. Ignorance.

The more I learn about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the more convinced I am that he is someone I would invite to my fantasy dinner party. You know, the one where you get to ask whomever you would like to talk to from anytime in history. Dr. King’s insights into right living are profound and only surpassed by his ability to express them in easily understood phrases that invoke introspection and action.

It isn’t about who is right and who is wrong anymore than it should be about skin tone, gender or sexual orientation. It’s about what are you doing for others. Plain and simple. Do you love your neighbor as yourself? Are you looking at your own attitudes about others through the dingy haze of a dirty mirror or do you know what your prejudices and opinions really are? Do you know your neighbor or do you only know what you believe based on stereotypes and generalizations?

The confession then asks for mercy and acknowledges the desire to repent. To repent is to turn away from that which is wrong and keep moving further and further away from it. This is where we look to Jesus for perspective. You see, unlike most of us, Jesus didn’t base his compassion on judgment. The woman at the well didn’t need to change her life before Jesus spoke with her. The tax collector didn’t need to find another job before Jesus sat at his dinner table and shared a meal. He spoke with, learned about and accepted them just as they were in the complicated place life experiences designed for them. It was in the shelter of Christ’s love that they learned new ideas, opinions and ways of life.

You see, to love your neighbor as yourself is to learn about him or her so that we can begin to respond to their beliefs and motivation with sensitivity and understanding. It is also learning about yourself enough so that your own ignorance doesn’t get in the way.

John Newton summed it up in the first lines of Amazing Grace: 

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

It is when we open our hearts to learning about another, whether it is an individual or a culture, that we will begin to see – really see – their situation and subsequently we will be able to do what needs to be done with love.

When Christmas seems to fail us…

09 Thursday Jan 2014

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Well, that’s finally finished! I packed and put away all of the Christmas decorations, linens and dishes. It was a bittersweet job. As I sorted, wrapped, packed and hauled box after box back to the basement I though about what I had hoped for during the holidays and what actually happened. I realized the entire season went by and I spent very little time listening to Christmas music. I didn’t bake as much as one Christmas cookie. Okay, there were miniature brioche, stollen, pannettone, bagels and my usual sourdough baguettes – but no cookies. It’s too late to do it now. Really, who wants spritz and krumkake in January? It’s as if Christmas came and went and I missed part of the traditions that are supposed to make it special and important.

I thought about the lunch I had with a friend about a week before Christmas. Much of our conversation focused on life issues – you know, the ‘yuck’ of life that we never expect to be present during the holiday season. I mean, it should be all fa-la-la and jingle bells, right? And, the weekend before Christmas the church around the corner had 2 funerals…in one day! Really? Not at Christmas! That’s just an insult to the season.

The buzz of conversation in the restaurant muted the background Christmas music. After plenty of coffee, I made my way to the restroom. The stillness there allowed me to hear Bing Crosby lament about white Christmases, elusive traditions and bygone sentimentalities. It brought back memories of less than perfect Christmases in my own life…seasons that were supposed to be joyful, but were instead tainted with family issues and emotional struggles.  I recalled the Christmas my daughter was deployed and I had to fight off the tears each time I heard any rendition of I’ll Be Home For Christmas, a song from 1943 that comes from the perspective of WWII troops. Or last year when she was unable to take leave to come home from her assigned base at Pearl Harbor. Mele Kalikimaka had the same effect. My lament was that this special time of year was supposed to be different. Worries, sadness, loss, frustrations, loneliness and all of the emotions we generally hope to avoid are supposed to go away for a few weeks. We long to be wrapped in good feelings, family and love so completely that gloominess and spiders just go away. Well, maybe not spiders. They are simply on my mind from so many trips into the cave of a basement that supports our 1930’s home. I am convinced they have spent generations taking over that space and are just waiting to jump when I walk through their territory. Truth be told, I didn’t see even one…I just know they have to be there.

The thing is, life seems to tick away without regard for our expectations whether they are for a perfect Christmas or finding spiders. It simply is what it is.

Amazingly, therein lies the secret and beauty of Christmas. Christ came to give us hope that “nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

The yuck of life will happen. It doesn’t matter if it is mid-July or late-December. The difference is, in the quiet hours of a winter night love was and continues to be revealed to us, not to take away the difficulties presented by life, but to walk with us and guide us on this crazy journey while continuously reminding us that the one who created us loves us more than we can imagine and nothing that life can throw at us will ever change that.