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When the heart aches…

08 Friday May 2020

Posted by Linda in death, difficult times, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

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death, loss

My nephew died last night…motorcycle accident…34 year old man, dead at the scene…

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…

Bullshit! I want time to go backwards. I want him to be 5 minutes ahead…or behind…where he was in time. I want him to be on another street. I want the driver of the car to be going somewhere else, less distracted, more aware of the community of people sharing the road. I want him to be more that “a 34 year old man, dead at the scene.” I want the world to know him as a person – as a son, brother, nephew, uncle, cousin, friend. I want the pain to stop for my family and all who loved him. I want more than the heart can express. And, when all of the above simply can’t happen, I want to hunker down with my family and share the anguish we all feel.

He makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul…

Psalm 23 is frequently used at funerals, making it seem like a prayer for those who have left us. It is a actually a prayer for the living. The psalmist sings of a God who holds the reader as a mother holds a child, rocking and soothing our deepest pain, providing the basics that we need until we are able to take the next agonizing breath and the soul learns to live again…bruised and damaged, but filled with a peace that can only come from seeing that God’s love never leaves us. It might be seen in the compassion of friends and family; in the many meals placed on our doorstep; in sharing memories of times we spent with those who are now gone; in the blooming of an iris or the call of a cardinal. Or, it might be in hearing Holy words gently penetrating our hearts in the endless hours of the night when we can’t sleep. Words which can only come from that which loves us more than we can imagine.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me…

What about the times when we can’t find God? When all that is right in the world is turned upside down? When the love you counted on from God seems distant? When you know the valley is a place of ambush? When it’s dark and all that we have ever feared stands right in front of us breathing its putrid breath on our lives? When there is no escape from this evil that suddenly wraps it’s ugly arms around us and squeezes all the desire we have out of us? When it hurts to take the next breath because we can’t see anything but the darkness of our pain?

Yet, we are reminded that light still beams in the world, a light that is forever altered for us – but, is still with us penetrating our darkness and restoring our soul.

Surely goodness and mercy shall pursue me all the days of my life…

Somedays goodness and mercy seem just too hard to accept when the injustices of life rob you of someone you love, of safety, and security. Where was God when…? ‘Why, oh Lord’ cries the heart. Anger. Bitterness. Abandonment. ‘Why, oh Lord?’

Love pursues us. Our pain blinds us to it. Love is more persistent than we are; ceaselessly beaconing us; reminding us that life can totally suck, but there is hope that the sun will rise tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. That the Son rose and will be caring for and nurturing our hearts out of a love so deep and perfect that we find ourselves taking that next breath…and the next…and the next until we know we can live again.

My heart aches…

 

 

 

 

 

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Hunkered Down…

19 Thursday Mar 2020

Posted by Linda in acceptance, choices, community, compassion, difficult times, Uncategorized

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Community, life lessons, relationships, spirituality, stress

We are hunkered down for the duration. This is day 4. It feels like day 400. Or 40 years in the wilderness. Or 40 days…  Whatever, the ‘4’ is still the same number, even when we look at multiples of 10 or 100. Big deal? It’s a 4, right? Our concept of time fluctuates when tainted by our perception of danger. “Time stood still”…”Minutes seemed like hours”…we all know the common phrases.

When Moses led the people out of Egypt, there was a period of 40 years in the wilderness. Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days. The ancient writers of the Psalms spoke of ‘the valley of the shadow on darkness’. There isn’t a theological connection to 400, but when one is navigating the anxious unknown…a wilderness, if you will…it feels like a very long, unending time.

We have a a modest stock of pantry supplies; our necessary medications and vitamins; dog food is on order; and I find myself frequenting Amazon.com for ‘oh ya!’ items – you know, the add-ons we forgot about initially but can’t live without…like printer ink; printer paper; and a stack of books. We have a list of Netflix shows to catch up on. There is plenty of wine. And, yes, we have toilet paper.

What we are having a hard time with is peace of mind. The ‘what if’s’ are endless and cover everything from physical health to financial health to spiritual health. Yes, spiritual health. I find myself yapping at God with a list of why’s and how’s…Why is graduation cancelled? My child has worked so hard!…Why can’t I see my new grandson?…Why can’t I feel safe, even at home?…How long will this go on?…How long, oh Lord?…

Okay, time out! A 14-day period of hunkering down with plenty of food and water is nothing period is nothing compared to living in a war ravished country for year upon unending year. It is nothing compared to the diagnosis of a life changing disease. It is nothing compared to living through the depth of grief and crying out “Why!” and “How long must I suffer!”

We, as Americans, have been inconvenienced. Nothing more and nothing less. This virus has given us opportunity to turn back to a simpler time when compassion and relationship were important virtues. We have the opportunity to rest, relax, and refresh as we spend time enjoying a slower pace. We are encouraged to enjoy the beautiful sights and sounds of nature while we walk, run, or bicycle – physical exercise away from the 4 walls of the gym. Hmmm – there is that number 4 again.

Some say the number 4 represents unity and integrity. Think about it…unity and integrity. We are in this together. We need to see it for what it is and how it impacts ourselves, our families and our neighbors. Our response to the coronavirus must be as a whole…not just me and what I want. It is imperative that we listen to the experts and take their advice no matter how it impacts our plans. Spring break will come again next year and the year after that. However, those who become ill and don’t recover won’t be here to love us and excitedly share our travel pictures and stories. It takes integrity to think outside of self and focus on what we need to do for the benefit of all.

This is a novel concept for our self indulged culture. Our opportunity for growth as we wander and wonder through our relatively brief wilderness is to let our hearts open to the world as God created it. It is a world that only functions when we reach out to ‘the other’; when we are filled with gratitude for who we are and whose we are; and when we let love, compassion, and gratitude fill our hearts so that we can live no other way other than with unity and integrity.

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When the march is over…

06 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by Linda in acceptance, Christianity, community, compassion, judgment, life lessons, polarization, relationships, Uncategorized

≈ 8 Comments

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Community, compassion, relationships

We march for racial equality; for candidates and against candidates; for women’s rights; for refugees; for immigration; for border walls and for no border walls. We march for causes that affect a few and causes that affect many. Some marches are joyful, and some are filled with sadness and pain. Some marches destroy businesses, homes and cars while others are peaceful. Some stop traffic. Some perpetuate caustic and potentially unrealistic perspectives, while others promote excitement and hope.

But, at the end of the day…what happens when the march is over? What happens to the children, the women, the immigrants, the refugees and the causes we marched for? What happens to the racial divide we hope to bridge and the politicians we hope to silence? What happens when we go home to our families and our lives…when the march is over?

I am not a demonstrative person. A personal philosophy of mine is, “When you know what red tape you are facing, figure out a way to cut through it.” Red tape doesn’t go away through demonstration. Most often it becomes a red ravine with ‘we-uns’ on one side and ‘you-uns’ on the other. We polarize and spew disbelief and hate at those who don’t think the way we think or believe the solutions we propose. The more we demonstrate, the deeper the ravine becomes until we can’t even see that our way is not the only game in town. We become encapsulated in a solution that solves our agenda without realizing that said solution may be cause for another to demonstrate just as earnestly and violently as we just did.

You see, we are not all the same. We all come into life innocent and full of hope. Life, then,  pulls us in a myriad of directions to form us into the people we are today. For some, life is full of freedom and trust. For others it is merely something to survive. Some are strong, while others succumb to less desirable paths simply to make it from day to day. Marches happen when the stronger people see the injustices placed on others and take on the cause to improve opportunities for the marginalized. That is a noble cause!

However, I continue to ask – What happens when the march is over?

Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. famously said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent questions is, ‘what are you doing for others?'”

When the march is over, what are we doing to promote our cause? What are we doing to improve racial relations? Are we lifting men and women in poverty up so that they are able to find the freedom from financial devastation? Are we teaching and mentoring children who are struggling with horrible home lives to see the value in who they are as individuals in this world? Are we doing something as simple as meeting our neighbors?

Unfortunately, when the march is over, many will go home and talk about the march as if the event alone will improve deplorable conditions. They will build a coalition of people who think as they do and march again and again, just to prove a point.

But, what does the march do for those in need of change?

John F. Kennedy aptly said, “No amount of laws can make a man do right.”

We can lobby congress, meticulously select judges, and write platforms at caucuses. We can campaign for our candidates and put signs in our yards. Yet, all of this is simply relying on others to do what we should be doing ourselves. Each and every one of us has the ability to roll up our sleeves and to start or join organizations focused on giving hope to those who have none. It can be a food pantry, a youth program, substance abuse mentoring, volunteer tutoring, prison counseling or simply participating in an organization with people who see life differently than you do because of who they are and where they come from.

And – we need to do it without judgment. We all have a story to tell. When we listen to others tell the story of who they are and where they come from , we will expand our compassion beyond our limited experiences and see the world through a different lens. Little by little we all will grow together as God’s people, loving others as we love ourselves.

The march may or may not be step one. What I know for sure is that work needs to happen when the march is over. The surest way for change to occur is when we step outside of our lives and enter into the lives of others as individuals who care, who can offer hope, and who can help one another navigate this crazy thing called life. The challenge is staggering, but it can happen if we take it one step at a time and, quite realistically, one person at a time. Mistakes will be made and we will all need to seek forgiveness and grace…one step at a time, one person at a time.

Where will you be when the march is over?

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?’ and I said, ‘Here I am, Lord.'”     Isaiah 6:8   

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The happiness factor and Lucille van Pelt…

08 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by Linda in choices, Christianity, compassion, human nature, love, relationships, Uncategorized

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choices, Community, compassion, happiness, human nature, love, Lucy, neighbor, relationship, Snoopy

We all try to find it. For some, it’s illusive. Happiness can seem to be about just a bit more money; one more designer bag; a bigger house; improved health; weight loss; a more perfect relationship; the next promotion; a desired job; a higher degree; living in the right neighborhood; less worries; and the list goes on. Each of us has a litany of what happiness is supposed to be.

The thing is, we have to look at what happiness actually is, not as some abstract concept defined by personal expectations of what life should offer.

I remember a conversation I was involved in several years ago. A group of mothers were asked what they wanted for their children’s lives. “Happiness” seemed to be the standard answer. However, when they were asked to define happiness, the conversation changed from one of confidence in their hopes for the future to conflicting descriptions of what it means to be happy. We all want happiness for those we love. The perception of that means takes on a variety of definitions.

Lucille van Pelt can teach us something amazing about happiness. You may know her simply as “Lucy”, the bitchy little girl who torments Charlie Brown, Linus and all the other Charles Schultz characters in the Peanut’s series. Lucy spends the majority of her time feeling put upon by the idiocy of the children who surround her in her family and her neighborhood. She gives demoralizing advice as a pseudo-psychiatrist, hoping to receive 5¢ per insult. She seems arrogant, callous and insensitive to anyone or anything who doesn’t buy into her brand of life. Yet, she is devastated when she is criticized for her poor behavior. People just don’t understand Lucy. Or, maybe we simply understand her too much…

You see, Lucy longs for life to be exactly as she wants it. The people around her are to behave according to her desires and she is supposed to have whatever she wants – whether it is approval, love or possessions. She shuns Snoopy, the dog, who fervently tries to kiss her and gain her affection, but is enamored with Schroeder, the piano player who barely knows she exists. Lucy isn’t interested in something or someone who cares about her. She is only interested in conquering what she does not have and what seems to be out of her grasp.

Yet, one day Lucy is found holding Snoopy in her arms. Can you feel it? The comic strip shows her arms are wrapped around that which finds her irresistible. If you read between the lines, you can resonate with her as she closes her eyes and smells the warmth and love emanating from Snoopy’s little body. Can you feel how soft his fur is beneath her fingers? Does your heart beat in agreement with hers as she gently whispers, “Happiness is a warm puppy.” In that instant Lucy learned that puppy kisses and devotion can take her to a place of complete harmony in a complex and often chaotic life, slowing time long enough for her to let go of her longing for a perfect future and actually see that all she ever wanted or needed was right in front of her. Happiness…

The Greek philosopher Aristotle said, “Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the aim and end of human existence.” Where do you find your meaning and purpose? What is the aim and the end of human existence? How one defines these things will determine how one finds happiness.

I know what I am about to say isn’t politically correct. And, I also know that there are sometimes when emotional issues are the result of physiological imbalances. Yet, I maintain that many of our societal problems are the result of self-centered attempts toward happiness, like Lucy’s, without considering that our happiness cannot exist in a family, community or nation that is filled with people who are also obsessed with their own personal happiness. As long as we look for self-fulfillment separate from compassion for the growth and wellbeing of others we are doomed to depression, obesity, anger, hostility, frustration, stress and a litany of other problems linked to happiness gone wrong. Abundance surrounds us, yet it is rarely enough because someone, somewhere has more. We strive for the elusive more, more and even MORE believing that we are entitled to happiness on our own terms and anyone or anything that thwarts our plans is wrong. Rarely do we see that warm puppy sitting there, waiting patiently for us to realize that we have all that we need…right in front of us.

God gave us some directives about happiness in the 10 Commandments. You know them: Love God; don’t try to create other Gods or false stories about God; take time for rest; don’t lie, steal, betray those who love you, murder, or long for something that isn’t yours. Jesus clarified the list when he said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27)

The hard part is in recognizing what loving God and neighbor looks like. The quick answer is to look at what motivates us. Jesus had a way of answering complicated questions with direct answers. (Matthew 6:21)

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Where is your treasure? Is it in loving God? Loving your neighbor? Social climbing? Wealth? Climbing ahead? Hugging warm puppies? Caring for and nurturing the ones around us? When we know what our treasure looks like, we cannot help but make all of our decisions within the framework of what our treasure means to us. If love, caring and compassion for our neighbor is our treasure, we will live as God intended for us to live. If gratitude for all that is right in front of us is part of our treasure, we will not feel entitled to something we don’t have. If we live out of jealousy, thinking that “things will be better when I have [fill in the blank]”, then happiness will be elusive and lead to living life less fully than we were created to live.

All I know for sure is warm puppy hugs can calm the chaos of striving long enough to contemplate the true source of happiness.

 

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Jesus and politics…

22 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by Linda in choices, Christianity, compassion, love, political correctness, relationships, Responsibility, Uncategorized

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choices, Christ, Christianity, Community, compassion, human nature, political correctness, relationship, responsibility

I am sick to death of books, articles and comments that draw conclusions about God, Jesus and politics. Just today I saw a blog titled, “How would Jesus vote?” In my humble perspective, the two words “Jesus” and “vote” don’t belong in the same sentence. Nor do “God” and “politics”. Further, I take offense at writers who maintain someone’s faith is questionable if they don’t agree with the political slant of the writer. Good grief! Who are they to judge??? It is simply another form of religious bullying.

Let me explain.

How we live our lives matter. What is the right thing for one person to do might be the wrong thing for another. In Wesleyan theology, the term for this is, “the intention of the heart”. In common vernacular one might say, “what were you thinking when you did what you did?” In other words, the rationale behind our behaviors is what makes them the right or the wrong thing to do. If I take food to an elderly neighbor because I am hoping it will be noticed by the other neighbors and…let’s be honest…by God, I am doing the right thing for all of the wrong reasons. However, if I know my neighbor needs help and I offer that help simply because they need it with no strings or hopes for personal gain attached, I am doing the right thing for the right reasons. What motivated my actions? What was the intention of my heart?

I have a hard time seeing Jesus as a political activist. Instead, he modeled right behavior through the actions of his life. He attempted to change legalisms that prevented caring for others even when it wasn’t convenient or considered to be ‘right’. Take for example healing on the Sabbath. Jesus put relationship and compassion above following the rabbinical laws. Yes, these were religious laws as opposed to governmental decrees, yet they were powerful and offenders were subject to serious consequences, including death. It’s hard for those of us living in Western Civilization cultures to understand the magnitude of the ancient religious laws. We talk about our religious traditions, some of which impose excommunication for those who choose not to recognize them. Yet, at the end of the day, we do not fear prosecution if we act outside of those traditions.

We also see liberal and conservative religions making claims that are diametrically opposed, claiming God’s sanction for opposing perspectives. Consider the abortion issue. One side claims it is a mortal sin and seeks compassion for the unborn while the other side seeks empathy for situational crises and the need to show compassion for the mother. Who is right? Who is following God? I would wager neither and both.

You see, our faith doesn’t come in a neat little package. For every law that is passed, we can find a person or group of people that the law oppresses. That’s because life is messy and no law or series of laws can address situational peculiarities. Some laws that are intended to offer compassion to groups of people unintentionally, yet actually, withdraw compassion from others. Certain groups become ‘politically correct’ in their approach in one decade and 10 – 15 – 20 years later they are recognized as oppressors to the rights of others.

Think of the low fat diet craze of the 1980’s and 1990’s. Saturated fats were on the dietary hit list. We were encouraged to substitute trans fats for saturated fats. Some products limited fat all together but added high fructose corn syrup to make up for the bland taste when the fats were removed. Now, with additional studies, we understand that trans fats and high fructose corn syrup are not good for us. Some studies even report that we need saturated fats in our diets! The balance has to come from knowing something about health and nutrition and making wise choices based on that knowledge. It might involve getting to know a respected dietitian or nutritionist and visualizing them whispering in our ear as we navigate the grocery store or a restaurant’s menu. What would they do when confronted with a minefield of choices? Their advice would be given through the lens of knowing what nutrients promote healthy living.

I believe Jesus offered us the same kind of guidance. To follow Christ and the life he modeled is to consider all things through the lens of compassion, justice, mercy and love particular to a situation. It isn’t about governmental laws forcing us to make certain choices. It’s about our own hearts and what we are thinking as we stumble through life. And, it’s about allowing the still, quiet voice of Jesus to stir our conscious into right action.

Yes, we need governments to manage some things and that requires laws. John F. Kennedy aptly stated, “law alone can not make a man do right.” The bigger picture is personal responsibility and owning our shared responsibility for those who need a hand. It isn’t simply the rich handing over resources to the poor for that helps neither live within the fullness God intended for all of us in creation. Nor is it ignoring human need whether that need is for friendship, food, healthcare, dignity, education, housing, love, trust, justice and the list goes on. The thing is, the list does not have socioeconomic boundaries. Human need is present in palaces and slums; in rich nations and impoverished countries; in churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples. All we have to do is look around us and we will find it.

So, what does that have to do with voting? Actually, nothing. It has everything to do with each of us as individuals living life as God intended for us to live. You know, loving God with all of our heart, our mind and our spirit and loving our neighbors as ourselves. It isn’t about imposing our will on others, rather it is seeing our neighbors’ need and responding to it as we are able.

Jesus never forced his will on anyone, either through religious condemnation or the power of law. He did teach us to do what is right through the beautiful lens of compassion, mercy, justice and love. Of course, we all attach our own meanings to these words. Therein lies a problem. Yet, if we strive to balance these components and use them as guides, we won’t be too wrong. And, when we simply don’t know what to do, humble prayer and meditation help us find the still, quiet voice and reason of God to help us along the way.

 

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On humility and arrogance and pizza crust…

16 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by Linda in human nature, love, relationships, Responsibility, spirituality, Uncategorized

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arrogance, Christ, Christianity, Community, human nature, humility, relationship, responsibility, spirituality

imagesIt is actually quite fascinating to research the word “humility”. The definition ranges anywhere from a secular notion of being shy and timid to a theological perspective of understanding one’s self in relation to creation. Maybe that’s why the word is seldom used in conversation. It’s hard to know what meaning to assign to it!

Arrogance is quite the opposite. Definitions vary slightly in wording, but the general concept is someone who believes they are better, smarter or more important than another individual. Ouch! Who hasn’t fallen in this category at some time or another? Unfortunately, we live in a culture that advocates such self-promoting attitudes. Whose parent hasn’t bragged about one’s athletic, dance, acting and/or musical abilities or intellectual successes as something that makes them some how superior to others? You see, it was difficult to decide what word to use there. “Whose parent…” puts the emphasis on the offspring who grow up believing they are better or smarter and ultimately more important than the unfortunate kid down the block, in another school, from the wrong part of town, or cursed with the wrong family. If I had said, “What parent…” the responsibility for the better, smarter, more important attitude belongs to the supposed adult in the situation. Either way, arrogance is not only learned, but it is often supported by the words or modeled behavior of those in authority around us as the good and normal way to see the world.

Wait! What!?! Where did the “see the world” part come from? Isn’t that a stretch from “better, smarter and more important?” Nope. It is the direct result of how one sees oneself. Like, what eyes are you looking through? What is the lens of your worldview? How do you see yourself, whether its based on gender, race, skills and talents, a bulging bank account, or a myriad of other criteria, compared to others?

We have a lot of words ending in “ism” that speak to worldview…racism, socialism, communism, fascism, absolutism, illusionism, separatism, capitalism, consumerism, monotheism, pacifism, narcissism, and the list goes on. The problem is, we either cling to our “ism” for the exclusive group we think it allows us to belong to and where that puts us in relation to the rest of humanity, or we resent the “ism” because it categorizes us in a way we perceive as negative and not good enough when compared to the next guy. Either way, we tend to think our “ism” is the result of our being better, smarter and more important…than the others around us. That, my friends, is arrogance – a condition we all share to a certain degree.

As I am writing this, I am making pizza crusts. I make exceptionally good pizza crust. They aren’t the best pizza crusts ever, but they are definitely in the awesome category. I use a sourdough recipe that I also use for baguettes. By replacing some of the white flower with whole wheat, pumpernickel or cornmeal, I can make a variety of breads or bagels. Adding nuts, spices, herbs or dried fruit increases the number of possibilities from simple pizza crust and baguettes to seasonal, ethnic or artisan breads, rolls, pastries, and crackers. You see, to limit the life of my sourdough to pizza crust would prevent experiencing so many remarkable flavors – flavors that speak to emotions in indescribable ways. The butter dripping from a piece of limpa rye reminds me of my Scandinavian ancestors while a week old dry crust reminds me that not everyone has access to fresh, healthy food and water. Additionally, recognizing that others are incredibly gifted with wonderful abilities doesn’t negate the fact that my pizza crust is really, really good; rather it reminds me that others are equally adept at the things they are good at and if we all work together we can make a pretty spectacular meal, incorporating that which we all have to offer while not being limited to or by any one set of talents.

The Apostle Paul said it much more clearly in Romans 12:3-8

 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and not all the members have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members one of another. We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us: prophecy, in proportion to faith; ministry, in ministering; the teacher, in teaching; the exhorter, in exhortation; the giver, in generosity; the leader, in diligence; the compassionate, in cheerfulness.

You see, arrogance causes us to forget we are part of something bigger than we are. It limits our ability to see the gifts and talents of those around us, denying us all the opportunity to live and grow together.

Which brings us back to humility. To be shy and timid isn’t the same as being humble, or living with humility. Neither is humility the act of self-deprecation. These traits can actually prevent one from living into the gifts and talents Paul spoke of. Rather, to live humbly…or to live with humility…is to recognize the amazing gifts and talents God has given not only to you but also to others and to celebrate these gifts as necessary parts for the wholeness of living. In the Gospels Christ taught us both verbally and through living his life what whole living looks like – to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind and to love our neighbor as ourselves. To love God means that we not only love God, but we also love all of the sons and daughters who, like us, have been carefully designed by God to complete a piece of the wholeness of creation.

We aren’t created to be better, smarter or more important than anyone or anything. We must remember who we are and Whose we are. Eugene Peterson’s translation of Micah 6:8 in The Message states it well:

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously—
take God seriously.

Humility…the art of recognizing ones place in creation. Our challenge is to live into the essence of who we were created to be while remembering that every person who has ever lived, who is living now or who is to come is just as special to God as we are. Arrogance limits how we see others and ourselves. We can only find the freedom to live wholly and completely in humility.

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An open letter to my children on Mother’s Day…

11 Sunday May 2014

Posted by Linda in Christianity, compassion, meditation, Mother's Day, relationships, spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Christianity, compassion, God, Mother's Day, relationship, spirituality

imagesFirst, and most important, I love you guys. Of course I have great memories and lots of pictures of the days you were born; preschool, high school, and college graduations; birthdays; vacations; dance and music recitals; sports; proms; and all the milestones of the growing-up years. I have attempted to fill photo albums with your lives. Honestly, they are pretty tacky. That’s no surprise since we all know scrapbooking is not one of my strong suits. More recently, I’ve started making slide shows of my digital shots, although it is slow and laborious for me. No, it’s not the technology. It might surprise you that I actually have that somewhat under control. My problem is that I keep hampering my progress to savor the memories and, subsequently, hunting for a tissue.

Although we have succeeded in capturing the major moments of your lives, I hold even dearer the remarkable times that Hallmark hasn’t yet dedicated to a card campaign. I think of you, Bill, asking me where you should go to college…when you were two. “Honey, let’s get you to preschool first!” But, that was the theme of your life – always ready for the next chapter before I got past the table of contents. And, Christie, with your gentle approach to life and recognizing the need to live and let live you taught me to slow down and recognize the beauty in a situation. Two children with opposite, yet equally amazing, approaches to life.

You see, neither of you came with an owner’s manual. It’s probably a good thing! It would have scared the tar out of me to read ahead about what to do for chicken pox, ear infections, visits to the principal’s office, adolescent drivers, broken hearts and all of the crazy twists life sent your way. It was far better to experience each day for what it was and worry about the ‘stuff’ when and if something occurred.

The lack of instructions also meant I wasn’t prepared for the last bedtime story. When did that happen? I don’t even remember what book it was. When was the last time I held your hand to keep you safe in the parking lot? When did I stop sewing cute little dresses or spend the afternoon outside while you played in the sandbox and on the fort? When did you stop arguing over Happy Meals at McDonald’s or the special toy at Burger King? Or when was the last time you crawled in my lap for hugs and snuggles while we watched TV? In the thick of your growing up, some events passed right on by, unnoticed until I looked back and realized you both became adults…compassionate, honest, independent, responsible citizens…all that I could have hoped for. Yet, I am afraid I blinked several times too many, allowing you to shoot into the next stage before I knew what was really happening.

I remember shopping one day and hearing the store’s pianist playing “Sunrise, Sunset” from Fiddler on the Roof.

Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?

I don’t remember growing older
When did they?

When did she get to be a beauty?
When did he grow to be so tall?

Wasn’t it yesterday
When they were small?

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears.

Yes, you guessed it. I had to leave the mall before I made a scene.

Mother’s Day is the perfect opportunity to say thank-you to you, my beautiful children. You have challenged me, stretched me, honored me, and loved me – even when I didn’t fully understand that you were the only ones who couldn’t do something that everyone else’s mothers let them do. You gave me the opportunity to discover how to function with very little sleep; to hear playful activities over the hum of the shower; how to stock my car with hand wipes, spot cleaner, kleenex, napkins, trash bags, snacks and 100 other items you may need on any given outing; and to organize schedules so everyone got to where they needed to be on time – which is no easy feat for someone who has never respected the clock.

More importantly, you taught me to care about someone’s life and well being more than my own and to love unconditionally. And, for that, I cannot tell you how thankful I am.

You see, children are indeed a gift from God. I don’t care if they are your own, nieces and nephews or the kids next door. Children challenge us to think creatively and to question why things are done the way they are. They help us to see frogs and flowers and mud puddles. They remind us that the world is a beautiful and amazing place for us to touch, taste, smell, hear and see God’s presence threaded throughout all that is. I love, even today, experiencing life through your eyes. You challenge me to rethink old notions and thoughts; to hike on muddy, rocky paths…both in reality and metaphorically; and to embrace all that life has to offer. I am deeply grateful for that, too.

So, on this day, thank-you for the flowers and the dinner. Thank you for the phone calls and the “I love you’s”. But, most of all, thank you for the memories and the assurance that we will continue to navigate this crazy thing called “life” together. 

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Community Outrage and the game called “Mousetrap”…

14 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by Linda in hate, human nature, Lenten Meditaion, love, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

compassion, difficult times, hate, Lenten Meditation, religion, responsibility, spirituality

ImageMy brother and I thoroughly enjoyed the game Mousetrap when we were children. So much so, I tracked it down for my kids when they were the right age. I think it’s still in the attic…somewhere. Which reminds me, I could certainly spend some quality time cleaning the attic…and basement…and garage…not to mention several closets. But, that’s a different topic for another time.

My recollection of Mousetrap came about this morning while I was brushing my teeth and thinking about my daily first cup of coffee. Those simple activities were overshadowed, however, by the sorrow clouding the morning. Snow, although unusual for this late in the spring, seemed entirely appropriate today. Its chilling presence was consistent with the knowledge that yet another shooting occurred and threw a community into unrelenting agony. This time an innocent adolescent, his grandfather and a woman were murdered simply because they were in buildings with Jewish ties. None of them were Jewish, by the way. Neither were many of the other people who were there. These buildings and the people who built and administered them welcomed everyone who came in peace to enjoy what they had to offer. Some came for the arts; some to work out or compete in friendly competitions; some were there for health care or retirement living. Their commonality? All are God’s children. Period. Plain and simple, yet it’s all that actually matters. Not their collective theology, ethnicity, socioeconomic level, favorite color or the kind of dog they happen to have. All of them – even the shooter.

Our game of Mousetrap consisted of building a simple machine designed to catch a mouse in the overly engineered Rube Goldberg fashion. Once the structure was completed, a series of amusing chain reactions – including an old boot kicking a ball which fell from a tower into a bathtub causing the tub to tip making the ball roll into a stick that caused a vibration making the trap fall – resulted in catching a mouse shaped marker on the game board. It was a silly, childhood game that taught us about cause and effect, much like building a domino structure. If everything lines up in the right way, one event will cause all of the tiles to methodically fall. The community of game pieces moved together…standing and falling through the course of events, interacting with each other as they careened toward their final movement.

Yesterday’s event was yet another in a series of violent attacks on groups of innocent people. The list is infinite. When did it start? When will it end? We try to blame guns, as if inanimate objects are capable of brainwashing the individuals in possession of them. Knives, pressure cookers, nails, fertilizer and a litany of everyday products have also been in the news as tools utilized in mass destruction. I suspect everything we know of can be used for either good or evil. Maybe it’s actually us – humanity – at the root of this epidemic of violence and slaughter. Maybe we have come to a place where we must scrutinize who we are and have become as a society to find a realistic blame and subsequent fix for these events.

Yesterday’s shooter is reported to be a retired Army veteran – a Green Beret, no less! This is a man who served during the turbulent era of Vietnam, peace demonstrations, and hippies. He spent the next decades absorbing himself with hate groups and the idea of white supremacy, although hate isn’t simply a factor of skin color nor does it mean caucasians have a corner on the hate market. But then, I digress again. The point is, what happened to him? What series of domino events tumbled through his life to bring him to this final, hellish event? How did hate replace the respect for liberty and freedom that he pledged to represented during his military career? Or, did his hate for people who looked and thought differently than he did motivate his actions even then?

You see, I believe that if we weep for the victims, we must also weep for the accused. Something is going on in our society that produces the perfect storm of hate, anger, hostility and warped idealism that nurtures the distorted perspective embraced by some that these actions are somehow appropriate. No, the average citizen doesn’t condone such cowardly violence. In spite of that, the frequency of these events is gaining momentum.

It brings me back to cause and effect. We live in a “live and let live” culture where “I’m okay and you’re okay”. We turn away from a neighbor who seems odd or weird and let them “do their own thing”. We find reasons for every behavior whether it’s a disability, a life event, a poor parent or a disadvantaged childhood. There is even a new condition called “affluenza” which the book Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic defines it as “a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more.” Seriously? Why not call it what it is? Greed! But, no, instead of burdening an individual with personal responsibility, we find reasons for inappropriate, unreasonable, wrong behaviors as if by giving someone excuses it will help them find a better way. This is nothing more than enabling some to continue to live as if nothing but their personal issues, beliefs and desires are the only things that matter. Unfortunately, self-absorbed conduct builds on itself. Most of the enabled will live relatively calm lives driven by their narcissistic tendencies. Others will grow increasingly dissatisfied with their perspective of what is wrong with the world. A few, when the dominos of their life experiences line up just right, will justify hideous actions as if they were doing the right thing.

Our response is to mourn the loss of innocent life and exterminate what we blame as the cause, whether it is a person or a thing. It is much more difficult to reflect on who we have become as a society that these heinous events continue to happen. Maybe we need to stop categorizing people with absurd generalizations that are intended to apply to the entire group whether we are referring to religion, politics, ethnicity, socioeconomics, school we attend and/or favorite flavor of ice cream. It’s as if the us-and-them mentality should be a rule for choosing our friends and targeting our enemies.

But, God had something else in mind for us. Jesus, who was betrayed by a friend and murdered by those who didn’t understand him and therefore hated him, never deviated from his message of compassion for all of humanity. It wasn’t limited to his religious tradition, his gender, his geographical home or his family. No, he didn’t condone poor behavior or chalk it up to the result of a difficult life. He stretched people to be all that they could be. He healed physical, emotional and behavioral scars through love and compassion and challenged those who were touched by him to live as he did loving and serving the world around him.

Hate, on the other hand, will eat away at someone until something awful happens. No, it won’t always be mass killings. But, we might do or say something that hurts another person so deeply that they begin to hate, too. Or, we might be the role model to a fragile mind that accepts our justification of prejudice towards a targeted group of others. The dominos start to set-up. The next person might influence another and pretty soon universal traits of an individual in a group become some sort of crazy factual norm. Like, my blond hair makes me intellectually inferior or my political views make me a hater. Neither of which are true. But, to the ‘other’ who doesn’t know me as a person, the generalizations become who I am in their mind and they hate me for it. Another domino…

I wonder about yesterday’s shooter, as I do the boy with a knife in Pennsylvania and the Boston Marathon bombers. I wonder about Judas and Pilate and Herod. I wonder about Mother Theresa and Francis of Assisi. I wonder about Hitler and Stalin. I wonder about my neighbors and what joys and pains they face. I wonder about hope and care and compassion and crime. I wonder about greed and responsibility and whether or not the frost tonight will affect the blooms of spring. Each of these things can become the cause and effect for good or for evil. When I turn the crank, will the mousetrap fall? Or will one slight alteration in the course of events change the outcome?

Our community is shocked and in mourning. May we rise up from this outrage with eyes so open that we recognize where we can change hate into something that looks a lot like love and compassion. As our arms open to those who grieve the loss of a loved one, may we also examine our own hearts to realize where we, too, bear responsibility for the atrocities we experience in life.

 

 

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So… what about Monday?

05 Saturday Apr 2014

Posted by Linda in choices, compassion, Lenten Meditaion, meditation, Sabbath, spirituality, Uncategorized

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Tags

choices, compassion, Lenten Meditation, religion, Sabbath rest, spirituality

Monday has many promises attached to it. Traditionally, it’s back-to-whatever-your-work-is day after the weekend.  It might be a job, school, work out routines, yard work, household chores, errands and the litany of things that keep us busy and, theoretically, our lives running smoothly. Well, maybe not smoothly…but running. You know, back to the ‘old grind’, vacation’s over and the longing for a quick week so once again we can enjoy the change of pace on the weekend. That is, if we allow our pace to change. I am referring to the weekends that are filled with athletic events, social gatherings, yard work, house work …wash the car, tidy the garage, sweep the walks and try somehow to finish all the things we didn’t seem to have time for during the work week. Before you know it, Monday’s sunrise forces us to peel our eyes open and grudgingly pull our bones out of bed. It’s easy to feel like a hamster chained to the spinning wheel of produce, accomplish and succeed.

We know that Sabbath rest is a time for us to say, “no” to routine tasks so we can drift into the things that restore our souls and our outlook on life. Worship is one of those things. Picnics, baseball games, gardening, family gatherings, long walks with the dog, and peaceful naps are too. Sabbath is about remembering who we are and Whose we are. It’s a time to remember the One who loves us more than we can ever imagine and, out of gratitude for that love, seeing the world around us as a place to enjoy and nurture. It’s a time to laugh with loved ones and friends. It’s a time for compassion for all of creation. It’s a time to put aside the pressures of the week and remember who and what is important. It’s a time to refresh and restore.

So…what about Monday? The New York Times has reported that more heart attacks happen on Mondays than any other day of the week…a day when we should actually feel ready to meet the challenges that come our way.

The problem with Monday is how we practice Sabbath rest. When my kids were young and played organized sports, they were told, “how you practice is how you play.” Imagine a coach teaching detailed soccer skills at practice in preparation for a tournament. Unfortunately, it’s a basketball tournament. Did the wrong skills become routine? Or, were they headed toward the wrong competition?

The transition between Sabbath and Monday isn’t much different. Sabbath is an opportunity to practice what it means to be human – the kind of human that God intentionally and lovingly created. It’s not about practicing religious legalisms that show nothing except that we know how to follow the rules of our denomination; rather it’s about living life as God longs for us to live it – loving God above all things and loving our neighbor are ourselves. We have scripture and the example of Christ’s life to show us what Sabbath looks like. The Gospels offer stories about Jesus spending his Sabbath laughing with friends, caring for the sick and needy, sharing a meal, extending a hand and offering hope to those who have none – even if those things looked like something that ‘shouldn’t’ be done by a good religious person on a day that’s set aside for Godly things. In all reality, what can be more Godly than showing and sharing compassion?

Our theoretical tournament starts on Monday morning. Do we play the way we practiced? Or do we walk into Monday forgetting our Sabbath lessons? Do we get out our claws and methodically use them to further our position on the corporate ladder? Or forget that we aren’t the only person using the road to get to work? Maybe we tie up the line in the grocery store because we forgot an item and ran back to get it? How about our use of household and laundry products that harm the earth? Ever get frustrated and kick the dog? Do we become so obsessed with our desire to produce that we forget what we supposedly spent time trying to remember just a day or two ago? You know – the whole compassion, caring, loving thing?

You see Monday should be about the game…the one God calls us to play. Yes, production at work is a reality and yes, chores can become mundane and boring. But, if we play the way we practice we will “focus on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, [we will] think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8) Our actions will then reflect that goodness.

If we neglect those amazing sabbath lessons, we run the risk of letting production and power guide our choices. Throw in a little envy for those who seem to have it better than we do, some contempt for those who we think have wronged us and a bit of prejudice and hostility for the things we think are wrong with the world and we have the perfect recipe for stress, anger and depression…the antithesis of God’s longing and hopes for us.

The thing is, it’s easy to get sucked into life as the world teaches it should be lived. So easy that unless we continuously practice sabbath rest, love and compassion we will fall into the abyss of life according to the gods of power, wealth and productivity.

Which life is on your game card? What will your practice be to prepare you for game-day?

Jesus calls to us in Matthew 11:29 as he says, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

My prayer is to practice the restorative and refocusing Sabbath rest found in living as Jesus calls us to live and to take that foundation with me as I play in this crazy tournament called life.

 

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The death of a man…

22 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by Linda in choices, compassion, hate, human nature, Lenten Meditaion, love, spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

compassion, Fred Phelps, hate, human nature, Lenten Meditation, love

I clearly recall the day I saw the gathering on the sidewalk. Several police officers were stationed on the opposite side of the street watching the men, women and children who held pickets splattered with messages depicting a belief that it is somehow God’s will for anyone who doesn’t fit within a narrow spectrum of behavior to die a horrible and painful death. Furthermore, if we show any love or compassion for their targeted population, we should share the same vengeful fate. Additionally, our national acceptance of all people is in jeopardy as proven when our military men and women die while defending, amongst other things, our right to speak as viciously as this famous group of people who erroneously call themselves a ‘church’, ‘believers in God’, and, I choke on the word, ‘Christians’.

It was all I could do to keep from driving onto the walkway to permanently silence them. How could they infect children with this distorted perception of God and how God feels about humanity? Children are born beautifully open to people of all colors, religions, sexual orientations, ethnicities, and abilities. They can only enter the box of prejudice with instruction from the adults they look up to. This group of adults damages the innocence of their children as they attacked people unknown to them, an attack generated simply because they did not share the group’s distorted religious beliefs. The day I saw them, they stood in front of a building that served Jewish believers on Saturday and offered Christian services on Sunday. It wasn’t their traditional venue of tormenting grieving families at military funerals; yet, it exemplified their perverted position that God sees life the way they see it.

Then it happened. Their patriarch and church founder died. His passing has permeated not only the news, but also clutters social media sites and seems to be the topic of choice for many, like myself, who write or preach about spiritual matters. I didn’t intend to write about his passing. But, it has been gnawing at me. The thing is, I like to think I’m not writing about his life; rather I am meditating on how his life has affected our society. The only significance I find in his life and death is in the overall goodness of society and the pervasive attitude that we must never stoop to his level of hate. News reports and social media comments share a general message of compassion for his family as they mourn their loss. A few have threatened to picket his funeral just as he did to others. But, each of these remarks have been met with reminders of a loving God and encouragement to show the family compassion. Even the church I mentioned above had a message in their signage asking for peace as he enters eternity.

What I see in all of this is God’s hand. God was in the crowds who created barriers at gravesides to protect grieving families from their venom. God is present in the goodness and peaceful wishes extended to his family as they grieve. God is in every heart that weeps for this man and the life he lived never knowing the love and grace God extends to all. God himself (herself?) probably weeps with intense sadness that this man, God’s beloved, never knew the joy God showered around him throughout his life. He only knew the deity of hate he created in his mind to support his fears and prejudices about people who were not like him.

The problem is, this man is not totally unlike us. His example is of a life lived without compassion. Yet, we have the potential to live in his world when it is convenient for us. We claim we would never teach a child to hate, but what are we doing to teach them to love? What do we teach them when we are angry with someone and rant about that person’s less desirable characteristics? What if those attributes include an ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or disabilities that the child transfers to all people with those traits? Further, we think we would never stand in the midst of another’s grief and shout scathing epitaphs about their loved one deserving to die. Yet, we might find ourselves unwilling to forgive someone who has wronged us and secretly hope they experience pain.

I like to think I live out of compassion for all of God’s creation. Yet, I am sure there are times when God shakes his (her) head at my choices. My prayer is that as I continue to navigate this crazy thing called “life”, I grow increasingly aware of God’s love and presence in all things…so aware that I have no choice but to make the right choice.

As for you Mr. Phelps, I believe in the power of God’s love. It is because of that belief, I pray you will rest in peace, finally knowing yourself as God’s beloved, fully aware of the pain your hate rendered and equally conscience of the incredible mercy God shared with you when God called you home.

Epilogue: The family of the man picketed again last night. On the other side of the street was a group of people with a single banner that read, “We are sorry for your loss.” Some hear God’s gentle nudge to meet hate with compassion and some are deafened by the noise of their own prejudice. Most of us fall somewhere in between…

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