Tag Archives: love

Pink popsicles and Biblical perspective…

02 Tuesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Christianity, community, compassion, God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

UnknownIt can be a struggle to deal with theological interpretations simply because our individual worldview determines the lens through which we understand the words our ancient sisters and brothers penned, quilled, or carved in stone. Unfortunately, it is as common for that lens to be myopic as it is for it to be just a bit foggy, knowing that whatever we think is ‘right’ is affected by our life experiences. Who we are and where we come from determines how we understand and respond to that which we call The Divine.

You see, God is more than we can possibly comprehend and when we try to wrap God and God’s will in a neat package of rules-to-live-by we will miss the deeper concept of living a life of compassion for those around us.

Let me explain. The ancient texts for the world’s great religions are written by…well, people who were inspired by The Divine. Some conclude that this inspiration was given to selected individuals as a command to document exactly what was dictated to them by God. Others suppose that the sacred writings are recorded events to tell the story of those places where God and humanity rub against each other.  The lens through which we read these stories will determine our perspective on who God is and who we are in God’s world.

Think of it like interpreting the following story.

One day a little girl asked her mother for a pink popsicle. The girl’s mother tried to find pink popsicles at the grocery store, but couldn’t. There were green popsicles, red popsicles, orange popsicles and even blue popsicles, but no pink popsicles. The mother decided to make pink popsicles. She bought sticks and popsicle molds to make the classic double popsicles like she found at the store, only this time they would be pink. She mixed water and flavorings with just the right amount of food color to make the most perfect pink popsicles. The next day the little girl asked for a popsicle and was delighted to have a pink popsicle. Now, the little girl wasn’t alone when she asked for the pink popsicle. Her friend looked longingly at the pink popsicle. At that point the girl quickly snapped the popsicle into it’s two parts and presented her friend with a pink popsicle. They sat side by side on the back steps, enjoying all that they had been given.

Now, some will read this simplistic story and determine that pink popsicles are the only color or flavor we should desire because that’s what was described in the story. Others may see the love of the mother for the child. Still others may see it as a story about sharing and gratitude for what they were given.

In reality, the details mean nothing without understanding the big picture. The pink popsicle could have been replaced with a cheeseburger, a bag of chips or a paisley umbrella. It simply doesn’t matter what the object was. The objective of the story is to experience the mother’s love and the child’s gratitude and sharing.

Jesus tells the story of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10:25-37. The final words are, “Now, go and do likewise.” We understand this to mean that when we see a need in another, we are to do what we can to help them through their time of struggle. The details set the stage for a story about the deeper meaning of respecting and loving others in a way that surpasses our cultural, and sometimes religious, norms. It’s about cleaning the lens through which we view the world long enough to see all that God created and know that it is good.

The thing is, we can get caught up in the details of this story as well. We can read it in a way that the Pharisee becomes an example of all that is wrong with Jewish leaders, as does the Levite for those who make the laws. We might see the Samaritan as a claim that those marginalized in the world are really better people than those in power. None of these are the intended message! They are details that can divert us from the depth and truth of this story if we let them. It’s kind of like making our focus pink popsicles instead of love, gratitude and sharing.

These are easy examples. The difficulty comes when we read passages that seem to speak to the issues that divide our communities today. It wasn’t long ago that slavery was supported, and condemned, by religious people – depending on how they read the Bible. Women have been excluded from ministry and leadership positions in many denominations based on Biblical interpretation. Hate has been spewed about issues of sexual preference and sexual identity…again based on the lens through which we read these beautiful, complex, ancient writings. We live in a world divided by religious perspective when indeed the ancients gave us stories about God’s love for all that God created and in knowing that, we should be inspired to live life embracing and sharing that same kind of love.

Instead, we point fingers and divide ourselves into groups that we feel are acceptable to God. Of course, the group we find ourself in is always the group that we think is somehow special to God. We, in our broken human form, continue to power-grab for God’s love as if it is limited and we need to claim it as our own for our little, exclusive group. No wonder God weeps.

It is time to sit on the back steps and share that pink popsicle with gratitude for all that has been given to us by God the Father, the Mother, the Creator, the Redeemer and the Sustainer. And…we need to understand that, even though the story tells us about two little girls sharing and enjoying the day, it could have been two little boys, a boy and a girl, a girl and her mother, a boy and his father, a child and an elderly neighbor or any combination of humanity. The intended message is not in the details of who experienced the gift, it’s in the message of how the gift was freely given, received and shared.

And that, friends, is how we need to read scripture. It’s about meeting God, the author of love, the creator of all that we know. God, who was truly delighted by God’s own creation and claimed that all of it was good. God, who loves us more deeply that we can know and longs for us to walk with God. God who gives freely. God whom human words can never fully describe…

It’s always about the deeper message of who we are and Whose we are…and living as if it matters.

 

 

 

Advertisements

Time…

07 Wednesday Jan 2015

Posted by in Christianity, meditation, prayer, time

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , ,

imagesThere aren’t many reality TV shows that I will watch. I don’t care what housewives in Some City, USA are doing. I am not captivated by barns full of old stuff and the people who sort through them to find that one special nugget of nostalgia to purchase and re-sell. Survivalists and their primitive experiences with bugs, snakes and rodents bring me to the brink of a full-blown panic attack. And, please, don’t get me started on pawn shops, car dealerships, communal living, stage moms or the plethora of lives that have been hooked up to a video camera, directed and edited into some crazy series intended to show us how other people supposedly live.

That said, I love contest shows about fashion or food with weekly eliminations. Give me a season of Project Runway or MasterChef and I am glued to my corner of the couch. The contestants scurry around their respective workrooms creating fabulous outfits or tantalizing meals challenging the viewer to emulate a style or stretch their culinary abilities. Both shows tease the viewer with clips from interviews with the contenders. Comments can be just plain snarky while others seem to be genuinely caring – creating villains and heroes to confuse the audience. A beautiful dress or fabulous meal are nothing less than ugly when the viewer has been guided into thinking the person responsible for it is despicable.

Then…there are the judges. Who picks these people and on what level do they feel it is appropriate to act like out of control bullies when they dislike something? Their caustic comments about the work of an aspiring designer or chef – complete with smug expressions that give an air of haughty exclusivity – are inappropriate and unnecessary. However, the more they vilify an underling, the more bound to the show we become.

A unique challenge is presented each week. Sometimes it seems ridiculous – like designing an evening gown out of disposable diapers or making a 3-course gourmet meal featuring peanut butter, brussel sprouts and bacon. I suppose, given enough time, either is genuinely possible. Yet, time is the critical insufficient factor, heightening the intrigue as the clock mercilessly advances. At some point designers are sent to the runway with their creations whether a garment is finished or not. Chefs are given a countdown, then told to raise their hands in the air with the intention that everyone stop at once, however, the effect makes one think that they are indeed surrendering their magnificent meals to the scrutiny of the judges. Yes, the same pretentious group mentioned above. I sidebar – but, there truly is a way to guide and mentor someone without kicking their knees out from under them.

Time…and the race against it…

A recent movie featured a restaurant committed to French cooking. Food was prepared slowly – allowing flavors to bloom into something unexpected and magnificent placing the establishment on a world-class list. Trips to the market procured the freshest, finest and, at times, exotic ingredients. A view of the dining room showed guests dressed for a special evening slowly sipping cocktails, wine, and coffee while savoring course after course. Not a cell phone was in sight. No one looked stressed or anxious for the meal to be over.

Time…and the beauty of it…

So much of our lives are spent like the fashion and cooking reality shows. We race to complete tasks simply to get them done, as if finishing is the most important achievable factor forcing the value of creativity to become secondary. Our lives turn us into human pinballs bouncing and ricocheting off deadlines that are perceived to control us. Our culture has become captivated with the concept that success is the result of abundant productivity. Sleep, rest, and leisure become overrated. We strive to do more in less time than any generation before us. As a result, we must also claim an abundance of stress related illnesses ranging from physical complaints to emotional, spiritual and relational instabilities.

Time…and our inability to appreciate and respect it…

A Buddhist belief is that if you don’t have 30 minutes to meditate, you must meditate for an hour. The great religions of the world all have deep roots in the need for prayer as a means to refocus and center our lives and attitudes. Yet, we tend to ignore these practices as we spin out of control, claiming that there isn’t time to add yet another ‘to do’ to our list of potential accomplishments for the day. We are surrounded with expectations from family, friends, jobs, the media, and a plethora of forces that claim a piece of us – and our time.

Time…and the things that we let claim it…

The Apostle Paul reiterated the importance of prayer in his letters to the Philippians, Thessalonians, Ephesians and Colossians. Somehow, we have twisted his teaching to mean that we can and should ask God to make the world what we want it to be through our petitions and it will work as long as we approach God with the right measure of adoration and a dab of humble thankfulness.

In reality, I believe Paul was trying to guide the young church toward prayer in a deeper, meditative sense. Prayer, when approached as a centering, meditative practice will calm the chaos in our lives. No, it doesn’t change the events around us as they unfold. Rather, prayer transforms us and, changing our reaction to life. Meditative prayer forces us to pause long enough to still our aching hearts and jumbled brains so that we might recognize the presence of all that is good woven throughout any given situation. In seeing the presence of that goodness, we are able to adjust our attitudes and behaviors to live in and through the stuff of life with compassion. We become true servants of God as we act as Gods eyes, hands and heart in the muck of the world.

Honestly, in a world as crazy as the one we find ourselves living in, we don’t have time not to pray…to meditate on what is right and good and true…to spend time letting all that is goodness – the thing we call God – guide as we navigate the mine fields that are ever in front of us.

Time…

 

 

 

The happiness factor and Lucille van Pelt…

08 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by in choices, Christianity, compassion, human nature, love, relationships, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

We all try to find it. For some, it’s illusive. Happiness can seem to be about just a bit more money; one more designer bag; a bigger house; improved health; weight loss; a more perfect relationship; the next promotion; a desired job; a higher degree; living in the right neighborhood; less worries; and the list goes on. Each of us has a litany of what happiness is supposed to be.

The thing is, we have to look at what happiness actually is, not as some abstract concept defined by personal expectations of what life should offer.

I remember a conversation I was involved in several years ago. A group of mothers were asked what they wanted for their children’s lives. “Happiness” seemed to be the standard answer. However, when they were asked to define happiness, the conversation changed from one of confidence in their hopes for the future to conflicting descriptions of what it means to be happy. We all want happiness for those we love. The perception of that means takes on a variety of definitions.

Lucille van Pelt can teach us something amazing about happiness. You may know her simply as “Lucy”, the bitchy little girl who torments Charlie Brown, Linus and all the other Charles Schultz characters in the Peanut’s series. Lucy spends the majority of her time feeling put upon by the idiocy of the children who surround her in her family and her neighborhood. She gives demoralizing advice as a pseudo-psychiatrist, hoping to receive 5¢ per insult. She seems arrogant, callous and insensitive to anyone or anything who doesn’t buy into her brand of life. Yet, she is devastated when she is criticized for her poor behavior. People just don’t understand Lucy. Or, maybe we simply understand her too much…

You see, Lucy longs for life to be exactly as she wants it. The people around her are to behave according to her desires and she is supposed to have whatever she wants – whether it is approval, love or possessions. She shuns Snoopy, the dog, who fervently tries to kiss her and gain her affection, but is enamored with Schroeder, the piano player who barely knows she exists. Lucy isn’t interested in something or someone who cares about her. She is only interested in conquering what she does not have and what seems to be out of her grasp.

Yet, one day Lucy is found holding Snoopy in her arms. Can you feel it? The comic strip shows her arms are wrapped around that which finds her irresistible. If you read between the lines, you can resonate with her as she closes her eyes and smells the warmth and love emanating from Snoopy’s little body. Can you feel how soft his fur is beneath her fingers? Does your heart beat in agreement with hers as she gently whispers, “Happiness is a warm puppy.” In that instant Lucy learned that puppy kisses and devotion can take her to a place of complete harmony in a complex and often chaotic life, slowing time long enough for her to let go of her longing for a perfect future and actually see that all she ever wanted or needed was right in front of her. Happiness…

The Greek philosopher Aristotle said, “Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the aim and end of human existence.” Where do you find your meaning and purpose? What is the aim and the end of human existence? How one defines these things will determine how one finds happiness.

I know what I am about to say isn’t politically correct. And, I also know that there are sometimes when emotional issues are the result of physiological imbalances. Yet, I maintain that many of our societal problems are the result of self-centered attempts toward happiness, like Lucy’s, without considering that our happiness cannot exist in a family, community or nation that is filled with people who are also obsessed with their own personal happiness. As long as we look for self-fulfillment separate from compassion for the growth and wellbeing of others we are doomed to depression, obesity, anger, hostility, frustration, stress and a litany of other problems linked to happiness gone wrong. Abundance surrounds us, yet it is rarely enough because someone, somewhere has more. We strive for the elusive more, more and even MORE believing that we are entitled to happiness on our own terms and anyone or anything that thwarts our plans is wrong. Rarely do we see that warm puppy sitting there, waiting patiently for us to realize that we have all that we need…right in front of us.

God gave us some directives about happiness in the 10 Commandments. You know them: Love God; don’t try to create other Gods or false stories about God; take time for rest; don’t lie, steal, betray those who love you, murder, or long for something that isn’t yours. Jesus clarified the list when he said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27)

The hard part is in recognizing what loving God and neighbor looks like. The quick answer is to look at what motivates us. Jesus had a way of answering complicated questions with direct answers. (Matthew 6:21)

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Where is your treasure? Is it in loving God? Loving your neighbor? Social climbing? Wealth? Climbing ahead? Hugging warm puppies? Caring for and nurturing the ones around us? When we know what our treasure looks like, we cannot help but make all of our decisions within the framework of what our treasure means to us. If love, caring and compassion for our neighbor is our treasure, we will live as God intended for us to live. If gratitude for all that is right in front of us is part of our treasure, we will not feel entitled to something we don’t have. If we live out of jealousy, thinking that “things will be better when I have [fill in the blank]”, then happiness will be elusive and lead to living life less fully than we were created to live.

All I know for sure is warm puppy hugs can calm the chaos of striving long enough to contemplate the true source of happiness.

 

Unexpected life lessons…

13 Wednesday Aug 2014

Posted by in acceptance, Christianity, compassion, love, marriage, relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

13078766-girl-walking-a-dog-in-park-in-spring-silhouette-layered-one-in-the-series-of-similar-imagesI wasn’t prepared for what I saw while walking with my dog this morning.

Walking Lucy can be an interesting endeavor. We have learned which houses have dogs that bark at us. She knows when to sachet that little golden-doodle backside of hers past them and when to immediately put me between her and the barkers. We visit every telephone pole and fire hydrant as if she is checking to see which old friends have or have not walked by recently. She has an affinity for zoysia grass, lowering her head like an anteater into the shaggy turf. She frequently squats to marks her territory and has taught me to carry several bags for – shall we say – elimination collection purposes. And, she inspects and investigates every new sound, weed, trash barrel, paper scrap and used Kleenex she comes across with excitement. They are all treasures to her. She doesn’t care if it is raining, sunny, humid, cold, steaming hot or snowing – she wants her walk. She is my work-out coach, letting me know that it’s time to pull my bones out of the house and hit the streets to check on life in our community.

This morning we came upon an elderly couple slowly walking hand in hand. As we got closer I saw the tall, somewhat hunched over gentleman wore a backpack with a transportable oxygen tank and hose. I assumed the tiny woman next to him was taking him for a walk as he recovered from, or endured, some illness or surgery. I put Lucy into “heel” to keep her from invading their space as we walked by. It was then that I noticed the oxygen hose was for the woman. The man was sharing his energy with her by carrying her oxygen on his back and holding her hand while they enjoyed a brief walk on a spectacularly beautiful morning. We exchanged a brief, “Good morning” and smile. Lucy and I kept up our moderate pace, however I spent the remainder of our walk thinking about marriage, partnership, compassion and what it truly means to love another person.

I don’t know if they were a married couple or not. My romanticized guess is that they have known each other for many years. Maybe they shared raising children, having barbecues and holiday celebrations. Maybe they took trips together, or went hiking, snorkeling, dancing or simply shared the day-to-day routine that weaves one’s soul into a beautiful tapestry with another. It’s also very possibly that they met recently, finding comfort and companionship in each other’s company while sharing stories about other loves, dreams and passions that defined their earlier lives.

It doesn’t actually matter what led them to the point they are currently living. What I do know is they have something deeply personal in whatever their relationship is during this chapter of their lives, he shares her burden and she accepts his compassion.

I guess that brings up some questions that should be the gauge we use for all of our relationships:

  • Are we there when our friends, children, family, neighbors or spouses need us?
  • Do we feel safe when they offer us help dealing with whatever burden we have been given?
  • Do we trust those around us enough to allow them the opportunity to hear our stories – even the ones we pretend never happened – and to still care for and about us in spite of where we have been and what we have done?
  • Are we willing to let someone walk with us, hand in hand, when we trudge through the muck of life?
  • And, are we there as completely for them?

I think of weddings I have been to where people are encouraged to have Christ at the center of their marriage as insulation against the relationship failing. For so many years I thought that simply meant they were supposed to share the same religious beliefs, go to church together and regularly remind themselves that they believe in God. Unfortunately, that superficial approach to marriage is a recipe for failure.

You see, to have Christ at the center of the marriage isn’t about what you say or even about what you do that others can see. Christ enters the marriage when partners trust the other one has their back no matter what. So it is, as well, for partnerships and friendships. Do the people around us feel trusting and at ease in our presence or are they on edge, unsure of what we will say or do? Who do you call for at 2:00 in the morning when the world starts to spin uncontrollably? Who can safely and trustingly call you?

Christ was like a magnet for the lonely, the disabled and the outcast without regard for socioeconomics, ethnicity and gender. His acceptance and compassion, even in the face of broken lives, always led to something exciting and new. The funny thing is, those who were arrogant, seeking power or immersed in their positions were threatened by his message of love. They couldn’t drop their fabricated personas long enough to look into his eyes and realize some things life lures us into just aren’t important.

Christ at the center means living as Christ showed us how to live. It isn’t about saying a certain prayer or following a litany of religious rules. As he said in, Matthew 22:36-40:

 ‘Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?’ He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul and all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commands hang all the law and the prophets.’

God, the author of love, loved the world so much that God sent Jesus to show us how to live as God created us to live. In turn, Jesus loved God and humankind so much that all of his actions were based on those loves.

So, back to relationships, partnerships and marriage…if we live life as Christ modeled life for us, we, too, will love the one who created us and we will love those around us. Another way of reading this is to say we will respect that God created each and every one of us as only God can, full of goodness. When we let that goodness shine, we will be kind, compassionate, loving and trustworthy to all we encounter in our daily lives. That includes our spouses, partners or companions.

You see, relationships don’t end when the behaviors Christ modeled for us are present. Those are the things that draw people together to grow and live life as God intended for us to life it. It’s when selfishness and personal gain become the reason for the relationship that it fails.

The elderly couple knew it. Oh, I’m sure they have had their moments of conflict and frustration. But, they also seemed know how to carry each other’s burdens so completely and with so much trust, that nothing could come between what they had for each other.

And so it is for all of us, by living life compassionately sharing God’s loving ways, as modeled to us by Christ, at the center of our relationships, we have a tangible a plan to use as a guide for our interactions, behaviors and attitudes toward each other.

Sabbath rules and chocolate cake…

22 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by in Christianity, compassion, human nature, love, relationships, Sabbath, spirituality

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

imagesThe concept of Sabbath rest has all but disappeared. Maybe it’s our fast-paced culture with competitive deadlines for everything from work goals and preparations to how many times we work out in a week to when the youngest child is officially potty trained and at what age our children learn to read, play the piano, get admitted to college…with a full ride scholarship…or create the next Nobel prize winning solution for sustainable energy. We jump on the treadmill of life and think we are riding it to fulfillment. Yet, something seems to be missing. Maybe we just need to try harder – one more class, one more private lesson, one more camp, lecture, hour at work, pound lost, and the list goes on to infinitude…another purse, a new car, membership at the club, a promotion, partnership…

There doesn’t seem to be time to rest!

Another group of people become enslaved by something they call Sabbath. It begins with some form of worship, which is good! The problem is, it threads through a day governed with “you must not” decrees. “You must not work.” “You must not play sports.” “You must not shop.” “You must not cook, clean, mow the lawn or wash the car.” Troubling questions about the “you must not’s” include, if I go to dinner at a restaurant, am I forcing someone else to sin because it means they are working on the Sabbath? Or, what do I tell my son or daughter’s soccer team when they have a game or, worse yet, a tournament on the Sabbath? What if the Sabbath is the only day of the week I have to run errands, buy groceries, do laundry and plan for the upcoming week? What if I have to work on the Sabbath? It’s as if the religious rules for the Sabbath squelch emotional relaxation rather than secure the intended outcome of renewing and refreshing human life.

The problem might be in how we recognize and practice Sabbath rest.

Mark 2:27-28 has been batted around for years as a key to understanding what the Sabbath is all about.

Then he said to them, ‘The Sabbath was made for humankind, and not humankind for the sabbath; so the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.’

It’s all good until the last part. At face value, it sounds like we can do whatever we want to do on the Sabbath because it’s made for humankind! But, like much of scripture, it becomes a bit naggy and hard to understand. What does it mean to say “the Son of Man is Lord…even of the Sabbath?” The key can be found in the verses right before, where the Christ and the disciples glean some grain from a field because they were hungry, and the verses following when Christ healed a man’s withered hand. So what gives with that? We can garden and heal on the Sabbath? But nothing else? Jesus, lord of the Sabbath, let us know that stuff happens…even on the Sabbath…and deep human compassion comes before human devised strict rules

Maybe if we go back to the instructions given to the Israelites in Exodus 20:8 about the Sabbath we can find another clue.

Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it.

Yes, this is the 4th of the 10 Commandments. It is a bridge between the first 3, which speak about our relationship with God and the final 6 which guide us in family, business, neighbor, friend and all human relationships. There is something here…something that is essential for living as God created us to live in the world that God created for us to live in.

Tripping even further back in scripture we find the stories of creation in Genesis 1:1-2:3, which narrates a 7-day account of creation, and Genesis 2:4-25, which focuses on humanity’s creation. Keep in mind; these are creation stories – not historical accounts. They were designed to let the listeners or readers know that God created the earth, plants, animals and people. God saw that all these things were good and then sat back and rested after such frenzied activity.

So, where does that leave us in our 21st century lives?

Sometimes we simply have to take a break from the routine of life. It doesn’t matter if it’s a job or something fun – we need a break from it. That break time has a purpose. Some of that time should be spent in meditation, worship, prayer or whatever it is that keeps us mindful that God is here, with us, alive and present in all things. Read that again…here, with us, alive and present in all things. God isn’t distant and contained in some ambiguous place above the clouds. God is here, with us, alive and present in all things. When we pause, we need to recognize and celebrate that presence in each other, in nature, in our pets, our employees, our bosses, our teammates, our neighbors, our relatives and our own hearts. It’s looking at the pause as time to remember and find ways to enact the entirety of the 10 Commandments as loving God above all things and our neighbor as ourselves. Whose are we and how do we live once we embrace God (Jesus) as Lord?

Okay, it can all seem like theological rhetoric, but what does the Sabbath pause actually mean in our lives today?

Everything, even the good stuff, can get old if we saturate our lives with it. I call it the chocolate cake theory simply because I LOVE chocolate cake. However, if I ate chocolate cake every day it would become routine and unappreciated; dull and somewhat boring. I could dress it up with ice cream, which would make it appealing for a day or two. Or, add a ganache topping, some whipped cream and a cherry. I can keep busy making my chocolate cake better and better with more and more and more…or I could pause and remember why I like chocolate cake. You see, for me chocolate cake reminds me of being a child and enjoying a family celebration. I remember rooms filled with love and laughter as family members shared stories and the rich history of who we are and from whom we came from. It is those kinds of memories that thread through and impact all that we do if we simply take the time to reflect and remember. When we forget to pause, we go on autopilot and forget the essence of why we do what we do…the who we are and Whose we are concept.

I can certainly go back to chocolate cake after the pause, but maybe this time I will see it differently. I might share it with someone who needs a gentle bit of encouragement or who is grieving a loss. Maybe I’ll share it with a friend who is celebrating a wonderful event. I might take a piece to the neighbor who is alone and struggling with life. You see, the memories of why I love chocolate cake become as important as the cake itself, but only if I take the time to remember.

I don’t know if it is right or wrong to work, shop, or play sports on the sabbath. I do know if we pause and remember that God is love, that love will guide us in all we do making the specifics a moot point.

For those of you following Sophia Meditations, you know that I haven’t written my weekly blog for some time now. You see, I needed a pause to refresh, renew and remember. Now, it’s time to have some chocolate cake!

 

 

 

Relationships, judging and crummy movies…

03 Tuesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Christianity, compassion, human nature, relationships, spirituality

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

Some things make me crazy. For example, I hate weeds in my garden; pushy people make me irrational; spotted windows challenge my inner OCD; and find another place to be if my computer, cell phone and/or iPad decide not to work. I try to keep it all in perspective, but some things are tipping points – plain and simple.

The thing that brings me to borderline insanity is when I am around people who have decided they know what I think without taking the time to talk with me about my beliefs and opinions. It seems to be epidemic in our culture today.

We watched a movie the other night. It was not Hollywood’s finest. In all actuality, the plot should have taken about 10 minutes. The film run time was padded with repeated statements, scene’s that made me ever so glad our children didn’t watch it with us and adjectives that would make a Sailor blush. (With all due respect to our United States Navy and what they do to protect and support humanitarianism and world freedom.) The scenario depicted three young men who were either leaving or avoiding relationships. One line made the movie worth the time we invested in it: “…and being there when someone needs you is all relationships are.”

Such a simple statement! It takes the pressure off, doesn’t it? Well, maybe. The key to understanding the concept of a relationship lies in the words “being there”. It reminds us that there is actually some form of responsibility involved in a relationship. Like, a relationship is more than simply enjoying another person’s company and having a good time hanging out with them. There comes a time when something draws us to dive beneath the surface and bring us to that place where we would support, help, guide, nurture, stand beside, rescue, protect, or praise the person we happen to say we are in a relationship with. You know, be there when life happens whether it’s a good or a not so good thing.

But, to be there you have to know the other person. What do they actually believe? How do they really feel about a situation? It isn’t enough to think you know about them simply because of some form of generalizations you make regarding their work, political slant, or spiritual beliefs. Nor is it fair to categorize anyone based on gender, ethnicity, sexual preference, the neighborhood they live in, the car they drive, the complexity or simplicity of their intellect or whether or not they have bad breath. Hmmm – it all sounds a lot like judging someone when we use these traits to assume we know what and how a person thinks.

In his amazing and divine wisdom, Jesus addressed this issue of judgment towards others. Some denominations have turned the concept of judging into a statement of eschatology complete with the false claim of having an insider’s knowledge of who will pass through the pearly gates and who will spend eternity in hell. Unfortunately, to believe that I am in the “saved” category simply because I ascribe to a particular self-righteous lifestyle and subsequently make attempts to bring you into the fold on the pretense that you must change your ways because they are different than mine and therefore they put you in the ‘unsaved’ category is nothing less than absurd. That perspective masks the true intent of Christ’s statement.

You see, Jesus’ messages to us are all pretty uncomplicated. The real beauty is that he didn’t just say them; he lived like he believed them. We all know his statement about the greatest two commandments. Many Christians don’t realize he begins with the Shema, the central prayer of the Jewish faith which can be found in Deuteronomy 6.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise.  Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

In Matthew 22 Christ elaborates on the Shema, not changing it…rather expanding on the meaning of loving God.

He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

This should lead us to deepening our understanding of “loving” God. You see, when we love God with all of our hearts, with all of our souls and with all of our minds we also love all that God created and all that God loves…which is pretty much everything.

This brings us back to judging others and how doing so moves against the concept of love.  Jesus gave us a simple statement for this as well.

Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?

There is something about our human nature that compels us to live by comparison, as if our achievement ratings make us something special. In essence, Jesus called this a myopic perspective. You know, things that are near can be seen clearly, but things that are far away become blurred. He just used logs and specks to make the point clear to his listeners. Sometimes we need a corrective lens to see the blurred images. Sometimes that lens is a long conversation that pulls us out of judging another and into a place of understanding the value of their opinions…even if we don’t agree with them.

Unfortunately, we have some form of misguided belief that friends are people who see eye to eye on everything. First, that isn’t really possible and second, watch how fast such a friendship fails when one party or the other experiences a differing opinion. Those kinds of friendships are based on looking at the other person as a reflection of ourselves and absolutely liking what we see. The more we look, the more we like…until we see a wart, a zit, a blemish that threatens the perfection of our egocentric self. Then, we judge…and they judge…we judge some more…and so it goes.

It is actually much easier to judge someone we don’t know at all. We read a news article or see a television report. Maybe we hear about them from a friend who heard something from another friend. By focusing on the other person’s perceived failures, I might feel pretty good about where I am in life. But, what if I actually meet that person and talk to them? What story will they be able to tell me about the experiences that drew them into certain behaviors or activities? How are their beliefs different than mine? Is there something I can learn from knowing who they are and where they come from? How will my life change as a result of knowing them? How will their life change as a result of knowing me?

Therein lies the depth of meaning in a simple statement from a decidedly bad movie. “Being there when someone needs you is all that relationships are.” To be there, I have to care. I have to know what will help and what won’t. To know those things can only come from knowing the other person. No, not assuming I know them and what’s best for them, but knowing who they are and what they need from me right now…right here.

There is a story about farming in Kenya. The farms were producing poorly. Mission groups talked about teaching the Kenyans to increase their crop production through irrigation systems, better seed, crop rotation and the techniques that American farmers use. However, when they sat down and talked with the Kenyans, they learned that the problem was because of elephants. The solution was to build fences to keep the elephants out of the crops.

Relationships = being there (conversation + listening + understanding – judgment)

There is nothing in the equation about agreeing with everything the other person says, does or believes. It’s essence is in  caring enough about another person to take that proverbial walk in their shoes – along with them.

‘

Marriage, Puppies, and Unconditional Love…

02 Friday May 2014

Posted by in compassion, human nature, love, marriage, spirituality

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

imagesRelationships can be pretty darn hard. After almost 3 decades of marriage, there are still days when I wonder what in the world my husband is thinking. Of course, even though I frequently choose not to admit it, he has similar thoughts about me. It is an interesting phenomenon to think about, particularly as the wedding-season is approaching. I mean, what do you tell young people as they look at you with starry eyes and ask the rhetorical question, “How do you make a marriage last?” The first thing I typically think is that I am being patronized because of my age. You know, ask the old queen an easy question so she can preserve whatever brainpower she has left. Then, my thoughts move to questioning the intent of the question. Is this soon-to-be young bride or groom seriously wondering about maintaining the health of their relationship or do they want reassurance that their partnership is special and immune from dissolving into frustration, arguing and potentially divorce?

There are many people I know, including my husband and myself, that have had what we now fondly refer to as our “starter marriages”. These unions began with optimism about what life should be after the I-do’s, but can’t withstand the realities that present themselves as life moves on. Some are doomed from the start simply because of unrealistic expectations. You know, things like, “It will be better when we are married,” or “I am ___ years old and it’s time for me to settle down”. Some marriages expire when one party or the other realizes they were in love with what they wanted the other person to be rather than to clearly see who they are. Still others end because our culture is not very good at making things work. There seems to be a belief that if a relationship is hard, it’s not meant to be.

Allow me to sidebar at this point. Some marriages are not meant to be! Substance and/or physical and emotional abuse are deal killers. When they occur, the relationship is over. There are some amazingly strong people who can rise beyond their behaviors and addictions with professional help. These individuals have my utmost respect.

So, what makes a marriage last? Go to any wedding shower and you will find sage advice woven into the conversation or, more obtrusively, written on cards that are presented with high hopes to the young couple. Honestly, to tell them to be open and honest at all times and to never go to bed angry sound good. But, how long do those virtues continue after the “I do’s”? “Open and honest” is well and good until the first bad haircut or the pants that actually do make one’s backside appear larger than normal. How about “open and honest” when the in-laws are coming for an extended visit? Or after making an expensive, special, time involved dinner that tastes like cardboard? How open should one actually be? Honesty is vital, but what happens when it falls in the category of being brutal?

Then we have the concept of never going to bed angry. Really? As if anything is actually accomplished in the midst of fatigue after a long, frustrating day when all one really wants to do is go to sleep? In theory, rest and sleep are better when stress is minimal, but the reality is there will be times when it takes more than a day or two to resolve some issues. That doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. It simply means there is something big in the way and it will take some pondering, soul searching, introspection, prayer and, possibly, professional help to come out on the other side of it. Like the other difficulties we face in life, these times can be catalysts for growth and deepening our understanding of who we are – both as individuals and as partners.

Again, what makes a marriage last? It took some years to figure this one out. The funny thing is, it is not as complicated as we try to make it. Maya Angelou phrased it beautifully in her famous quote:

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Herein lies the key. It’s not about the money or the children. It doesn’t matter if the house is big or small or if the car is new or old. Nor does it matter if one partner or the other travels 5 days a week or works long hours. What does matter is that in the midst of life, both people feel loved, nurtured, respected, appreciated and safe. I guess that’s where open and honest fit in. Beautiful words and gestures mean nothing if they aren’t believable. But, when they are backed up by complete honesty, they are cupid’s arrow to the heart. Love begins and renews itself over and over again.

The thing is, this mantra doesn’t work only in marriage. It is important in the workforce, at school, with our children or in any other interaction we have. We avoid the people who make us feel inferior, stupid, naive, or incapable, yet we migrate toward those who encourage, praise, admire or complement our actions. We long to be acceptable and accepted.

I think that’s why I love my dog so much. It doesn’t matter what mood I am in, how unorganized or crazy I feel, if I have dressed up for the day or if I am schlunking around the house in pajamas. She offers me the gift of unconditional love. Because of that, I can forget that she gnawed on the dining room rug, (it’s been replaced), or had her way with a little used chair, (the upholsterer is coming to pick it up one of these days). What I do remember is that she is always glad to see me and share her tail wags and puppy kisses.

You see, I believe God is the same way. God will love me always – in spite of my moods, my outbursts, and every personality wart that makes me…well, ME. To know and recognize God’s unconditional love allows me to chisel away at my more negative side and let the good shine through just a little more. God’s love makes me feel a little safer, a bit calmer…and the list goes on.

So, what about marriage? What makes a marriage last? In my opinion, the cryptic answer is embedded in knowing puppies, God and the wisdom of Maya Angelou.

Maybe we should expand on the statement, “I do” and make it “I do intend to make you feel loved, nurtured, respected, appreciated and safe every day of my life and if I don’t, I am counting on you to love me unconditionally until I do again.”

That should come right before, “And I promise to always pick up my socks.”

 

I’m done with Easter…

20 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by in Christianity, compassion, Easter, human nature, meditation, spirituality

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

imagesI am done with Easter! I should probably clarify that I am done with what seems to be some general beliefs about Easter.

First, there is the Easter that has been hijacked by consumerism. Discount and grocery store shelves are filled with chocolate candies wrapped in pastel colors…the same sweets that sported orange and black just a few months ago. Kitchen appliance and decor stores boast chicks, eggs and bunny-painted plates that seem to guarantee a fabulous Easter dinner, complete with perfect families and a stress free day…as if there is such a thing. Department stores and boutiques have their window mannequins decked out in floral dresses and seersucker suits. Hats are not only everywhere; they seem to be a mandatory purchase. We are bombarded with the consumer version of the holiday – complete with promises that if we buy just the right stuff, our Easter will be as magical as the moment when Mary Magdalene realized it wasn’t the gardener she was speaking to.

Then, there is the other Easter. You know the one where we are supposed to become joyful because Jesus died on a cross to atone for my sorry life and filter how I appear to God? Like, I am supposed to be glad that this perfect, amazing man who died a gruesome, painful death simply because of me…okay, and all the rest of humanity…came back to life and I am somehow supposed to trust the god that planned this horrific event that happened to his “beloved”? I mean, love a god that slaughters innocence? I know, I know…it’s about the resurrection not the crucifixion; yet somehow in this theological format the emphasis always ends up on the wrong event.

The thing is, there is an Easter that I not only believe in, it’s one that I can find embedded with joy, trust and love for God. It’s one that absolutely recognizes Christ’s death on the cross and His return to life. The difference is, the Easter I believe in also celebrates Christ’s life simply because it is through his life that he taught us how to live. It’s so obvious in the text of John 14: 6-12.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.” Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.” Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own; but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves. Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father.

Do you see it? Of course, it’s all about the semantics. Who hasn’t experienced a zealous Christian evangelist who preaches belief in Jesus is a pre-requisite for salvation by using this text? But, what is it we are supposed to believe? That there was a virgin birth? That God is so angry at humanity that only Christ can convince God not to turn his back on us forever? That if I follow a prescribed set of religious behaviors then I, too, can be saved? That God hates certain groups of people? That God is gender specific?

It seems to me that Jesus said it all and humanity spent the next couple of millennia not only defining what he meant, but making rules that have very little to do with the message of God’s love that Jesus preached and modeled through his life and ministry. In this passage from John, Jesus basically says, “Look at me. Look at how I love even those who others think are unlovable. Do you see how I was compassionate even with someone who everyone else hated? Someone who was outcast? Someone who was unclean? Someone who was alone, forgotten, crippled??? I spent time with tax collectors, women, social misfits, zealots, Pharisees and a whole litany of crazy, mixed-up people and enjoyed them all! And, you know what? To know me is to know my father. You see me, you know who I am and how I am excited about every single person I meet! Well guess what! God longs to know you, too! The thing is, God wants you to know God as he/she is…not the ogre humanity has made out of convoluted images of God. I am like God and God is like me. Isn’t that good news???!!!”

That said, I find it impossible to believe that God mandated Christ’s brutal, painful death. What I do find plausible is that certain groups saw Jesus as a threat to their power and authority. Others saw him as disruptive to their way of life. To maintain the order of life, as they knew it, Jesus had to go away. But, he wouldn’t! He continued to preach and teach God’s ways even when his own safety was threatened. He knew it was a matter of time and he attempted to prepare his followers for the day when he was gone. Jesus loved people, but understood the dark side of human nature well enough to know that his time was limited. Is that what God wanted or intended? I sincerely doubt it. I believe God wanted humanity to embrace the message Christ brought to them from God. That message showed people the “way” which was “truth” and offered “light” to the dangers of a life lived honoring wealth, power and authority. Jesus’s way showed humanity what it meant to live life as God created us all to live.

I often use the example of a toaster. It comes with an instruction booklet to let the owner know how to use it safely, limitations of its function and what to do if it isn’t working. The bottom line is, the toaster is designed to do certain things. If I decided to make pancakes in my toaster – not the pre-made frozen variety, but homemade buttermilk pancakes – I would create a horrible mess. My toaster would be dripping with batter, the heating elements would likely blow out, there would be the stench of burned goo, and I not only have to make other plans for breakfast, I would probably need to send my toaster in for repairs. A toaster is not made to make pancakes. However, if I make toast in my toaster, I will be happy with the results and my toaster won’t wear out quite as quickly. Maybe I’ll try to make a grilled cheese sandwich in it, or toast a frosted pastry. If I do, I again run the risk of damaging my toaster. If I keep expecting my toaster to do things that it was never intended to do, I might need to have someone show me how to properly use it. The engineer who designed it might come to help me. Most likely, I would get my tutorial from someone else who knew what the engineer intended in his/her design and could guide me along the way.

God lovingly created us and the world we live in. Throughout time God has attempted to hand us an owners manual. Take the 10 Commandments for example. They are a guide for living by loving God above all things and loving others as we love ourselves. When humanity had issues following the rules, God sent Jesus to show us what living as God designed us to live looked like. Jesus is the way…God’s way. Can anyone picture Jesus nailing someone to a cross? I can’t. Yet, to know Jesus is to know God. It doesn’t fit that God’s vengeance came in the form of murder. Killing unrighteous behavior with love, kindness, compassion and mercy is more likely.

You see, I believe that the crucifixion is a minor event in the fascinating story of God’s love. Even when humanity attempted to destroy God’s message of love and hope, God won. Jesus went to the tomb and on the third day…a day that should have found his body decaying and smelly, a day that the ancient culture would have identified as verification that he was really, REALLY dead…Jesus lived. Furthermore, he didn’t live to tell us that God was done with us and that the only reason he had to die was our fault for being such failures. He lived to tell humanity that, in Paul’s words, “…neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

Now, that’s an Easter I can get excited about! Alleluia!!!

 

The death of a man…

22 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by in choices, compassion, hate, human nature, Lenten Meditaion, love, spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

I clearly recall the day I saw the gathering on the sidewalk. Several police officers were stationed on the opposite side of the street watching the men, women and children who held pickets splattered with messages depicting a belief that it is somehow God’s will for anyone who doesn’t fit within a narrow spectrum of behavior to die a horrible and painful death. Furthermore, if we show any love or compassion for their targeted population, we should share the same vengeful fate. Additionally, our national acceptance of all people is in jeopardy as proven when our military men and women die while defending, amongst other things, our right to speak as viciously as this famous group of people who erroneously call themselves a ‘church’, ‘believers in God’, and, I choke on the word, ‘Christians’.

It was all I could do to keep from driving onto the walkway to permanently silence them. How could they infect children with this distorted perception of God and how God feels about humanity? Children are born beautifully open to people of all colors, religions, sexual orientations, ethnicities, and abilities. They can only enter the box of prejudice with instruction from the adults they look up to. This group of adults damages the innocence of their children as they attacked people unknown to them, an attack generated simply because they did not share the group’s distorted religious beliefs. The day I saw them, they stood in front of a building that served Jewish believers on Saturday and offered Christian services on Sunday. It wasn’t their traditional venue of tormenting grieving families at military funerals; yet, it exemplified their perverted position that God sees life the way they see it.

Then it happened. Their patriarch and church founder died. His passing has permeated not only the news, but also clutters social media sites and seems to be the topic of choice for many, like myself, who write or preach about spiritual matters. I didn’t intend to write about his passing. But, it has been gnawing at me. The thing is, I like to think I’m not writing about his life; rather I am meditating on how his life has affected our society. The only significance I find in his life and death is in the overall goodness of society and the pervasive attitude that we must never stoop to his level of hate. News reports and social media comments share a general message of compassion for his family as they mourn their loss. A few have threatened to picket his funeral just as he did to others. But, each of these remarks have been met with reminders of a loving God and encouragement to show the family compassion. Even the church I mentioned above had a message in their signage asking for peace as he enters eternity.

What I see in all of this is God’s hand. God was in the crowds who created barriers at gravesides to protect grieving families from their venom. God is present in the goodness and peaceful wishes extended to his family as they grieve. God is in every heart that weeps for this man and the life he lived never knowing the love and grace God extends to all. God himself (herself?) probably weeps with intense sadness that this man, God’s beloved, never knew the joy God showered around him throughout his life. He only knew the deity of hate he created in his mind to support his fears and prejudices about people who were not like him.

The problem is, this man is not totally unlike us. His example is of a life lived without compassion. Yet, we have the potential to live in his world when it is convenient for us. We claim we would never teach a child to hate, but what are we doing to teach them to love? What do we teach them when we are angry with someone and rant about that person’s less desirable characteristics? What if those attributes include an ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or disabilities that the child transfers to all people with those traits? Further, we think we would never stand in the midst of another’s grief and shout scathing epitaphs about their loved one deserving to die. Yet, we might find ourselves unwilling to forgive someone who has wronged us and secretly hope they experience pain.

I like to think I live out of compassion for all of God’s creation. Yet, I am sure there are times when God shakes his (her) head at my choices. My prayer is that as I continue to navigate this crazy thing called “life”, I grow increasingly aware of God’s love and presence in all things…so aware that I have no choice but to make the right choice.

As for you Mr. Phelps, I believe in the power of God’s love. It is because of that belief, I pray you will rest in peace, finally knowing yourself as God’s beloved, fully aware of the pain your hate rendered and equally conscience of the incredible mercy God shared with you when God called you home.

Epilogue: The family of the man picketed again last night. On the other side of the street was a group of people with a single banner that read, “We are sorry for your loss.” Some hear God’s gentle nudge to meet hate with compassion and some are deafened by the noise of their own prejudice. Most of us fall somewhere in between…

Puppy collars, Jiminy Cricket and Choices…

06 Thursday Mar 2014

Posted by in choices, compassion, love

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , ,

IMG_0383Lucy, the puppy-girl, has a new training program. I resisted it until I fully realized that her behavior was preventing us from having friends visit us in our home. No one likes to be jumped on by a 50-pound dog! Additionally, I have replaced a rug and reupholstered a chair because Lucy likes to chew. I tried to justify these purchases by saying the chair and rug were old and needed to go away. But, the fact remained that my dog was running the household and our lives. She supposedly passed Puppy Training 1001 three times. I have the certificates to prove it! Although, each class had the philosophy that everyone gets a trophy on the last day, which offered no guarantee that important lessons were learned. Lucy was potty trained and could heel when we took her on take long, happy walks. But, her behavior at home wasn’t acceptable and didn’t seem to be getting any better. One trainer told us to ignore bad behavior and reward her when she did something good. I ran out of treats and she continued to terrorize our furniture and friends. Another trainer informed me Lucy saw herself as the alpha-dog and I simply wasn’t dominant enough. True! My natural style is to live and let live. Lucy spent much of her time in a crate and I crept around the house hoping she would think she was home alone making nap time her primary activity. My occasional tantrum did nothing to teach her proper manners. My arm remained her favorite chew-toy and my patience was thin.

The new program uses a small device that attaches to her collar. When I push a button, she gets a gentle reminder that what she is doing is unacceptable. I avoided this type of a system until I had the opportunity to hold a collar in my hand and feel the vibration she would experience when given a correction. It is gentle, as if someone is rapidly tapping her on the shoulder and encouraging her to focus on right behavior.

It reminds me of Pinocchio’s conscience, Jiminy Cricket. Pinocchio’s goal in life was to become a ‘real boy’ instead of a talking puppet. Yet, his world was full of seductive temptations and stumbling blocks designed to divert him from the right choices. Jiminy Cricket would jump in and tap him on the shoulder in an attempt to get his attention away from those things that prevented him from living the life he so longed for.

If I have a choice, I would prefer the persistent tap of Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder to the gentle reminder from Lucy’s collar. Suffice it to say, I could certainly use either. Maybe we all could. We are surrounded with an infinite number of choices. Some make little difference – like whether to have a latte or cappuccino. Who cares? It’s probably a more important choice to have skim milk over whole milk floating on my espresso, but there are those who would argue that point as well. I have a fairly strong opinion about the foods I eat and how they are produced. I want my chickens to have had the opportunity to live like a chicken was created to live. You know, pecking and scratching instead of existing in a cage so small there is no place to move around and stuffed so full of hormones that they grow at an unnatural rate. I want real fruits and vegetables, preferably organic to protect not only my health, but as a means to keep pesticides and herbicides out of the ground waters. These are choices about health and ecology.

But, there are the other choices that are important in another way. What difference does it make if I flip off the driver who sped up so I couldn’t get into the lane I needed? Worse yet, what if I am that driver who thinks I own the road? Those kinds of choices get to the heart of who I think I am and how I expect others to respond to me. In reality they are choices about compassion and where I see my place in humanity. Yes, driving manners seem to be low-level behaviors, but they certainly speak to responses that can ooze out of a person when it appears no one is looking.

Finally, there are the really big choices that we all hesitate to talk about except to our very best friends who are sworn to secrecy and will keep the promise of confidentiality because of where you have both been with each other over the years. These are the things that can be life altering – sometimes in a good way, and sometimes not.

By this time you get the point. Our choices come from so many places. They can come from past pains or joys; from intellectual parameters or creativity; from our experiences or our dreams; from our fears, our perceived inadequacies, or crazy attitudes about life and what it is supposed to offer to us and those around us. Ultimately, our choices can be jaded by responses to life’s experiences and opportunities or augmented by joys and successes. I guess it’s fair to say there is also a point in life when we could use a correction collar like Lucy’s or a nagging conscience like Pinocchio’s Jiminy Cricket…something to keep us on course when our options magnificently pull us away from all that is right and true and good.

The thing is, we have been given a barometer to weigh our choices against. The trendy expression “What would Jesus do?” frequently comes up in conversations about right choices. To fully appreciate this statement, one has to dig behind it to define how Jesus made his decisions. He didn’t have a laundry list of religious legalisms. Of course, he was Jewish and there was the Torah and all of the laws contained therein which spoke to human interactions and relationships.  Yet, he followed the preeminent theme of love and compassion even when his choice collided with the common interpretations of Torah as defined by his culture. Basically, his life taught us that when all else fails, try love and compassion. Actually, try them first so all else doesn’t need to fail!

I still want the nudge when society’s alluring message of what’s important rubs up against what love and compassion would have me do and I start leaning the wrong way. I will make mistakes, I will have successes and, ultimately, I will need a whole lot of forgiveness for those times when I really want to be right but am decidedly wrong.

Lucy’s collar is instrumental in teaching her manners and Pinocchio became a real boy. I am hopeful that when I remember to wear love and compassion as my correction collar or accept them as the nagging cricket on my shoulder, my choices will be the right ones.