Category Archives: relationships

It’s Easter…so what?

21 Sunday Apr 2019

Posted by in community, compassion, Easter, God, relationships, spirituality

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It’s Easter. So what…so what does that mean???

We read that God so loved the world that God came to walk and live among us. So what?

We read that Jesus lived a life of love and compassion for all of God’s creation. So what?

We read that humanity didn’t expect Jesus to enter the world as a baby. We read that humanity couldn’t accept his perfect and equal love for all of God’s people…so, we did what we do. We tried to erase his counter-cultural message by removing him from life. We executed him as a criminal of the people. So what?

We read that Jesus thwarted death by continuing his walk among us, a walk that only some recognized. Those who recognized it continued the walk. Those who felt their way of life would be threatened by attempted to kill Jesus by eradicating those who lived as he lived. So what?

Finally, we read that Jesus will come again. What???!!!

Here’s the thing, we didn’t expect Jesus to come as a baby. We wanted him to ride into the world on a stallion with a sword to make the world right…right as we wanted it to be. We long for the same thing now, just as we did then. We want a Messiah who will clean things up. That must mean that the people who offend me will be thrown over the cliff into hell, right? And, those who don’t agree with my way of life will see that they are completely messed up. And, there will be no more cats…only dogs. And, cockroaches will finally become extinct. And…well, the world will be perfect…just as I imagine it…ummmm, wait…I mean just as God created it.

We dress up and go to church, maybe donning a hat worthy of being in the Derby crowd. We boil eggs and hide them, hoping all of them are found before they turn to a sulfurous stench. We smile and laugh with those we love, falling into a relaxed and joyful heap at the end of a long day. It’s all as it should be, right?

Isn’t that what this day is about?

Maybe that’s the problem.

What if the second coming is just as mysterious as Christ’s birth and resurrection? We profess to be waiting for Christ to come again and just know that it will be like a scene from a science fiction movie. You know the kind, a life-form beams down from between the clouds with rays of sunshine providing illumination as we watch in awe and wonder. Only this time it’s Jesus coming to kick butt and take names. Other butts and names, right??? Not mine and the people I like.

Maybe that’s not the way it’s going to happen.

What if we fully embraced the notion that Christ lives in the depths of our hearts, waiting for us to recognize what that means? What if the second coming is actually each of us living as if the story of Jesus truly mattered? What if being a disciple of Jesus means to us what it meant to the ancient followers – that we live as Jesus lived? What if we read the story of Jesus with new eyes, seeing that we are instrumental in bringing the reign of Christ to the world by having compassion for those around us.

It is a custom in Christian churches to light candles on Christmas Eve. First, the priest or pastor lights a candle from the Christ candle. He or she lights the candles held by a group of people who in turn light the candles of those at the end of the rows of seats. Then, person by person, we light each other’s candles until everyone holds a light. The idea is to represent the light Jesus brought into the world.

What if we think about that light at Easter? What if Jesus is the torch used to light another torch, and another, and another until we are all carrying that glorious light into and throughout the world? No, it’s not the torch of our favorite doctrine. It’s the torch of living life as God created us to live in God’s amazing creation. It’s the torch of love and compassion for all of creation, not just my little corner of it. It’s the torch of hope in tomorrow. It’s the torch of knowing that we are loved by that which created us more than we can possibly understand. It’s the torch of listening to others as they tell us their stories of hope, compassion, and love…even when they use different words to describe the Creator.

It’s the torch of living each day as if the life of Jesus matters. There is resurrection in that…in living as Jesus did. It’s allowing the love and compassion expressed through the life of Jesus to be the torch that lights up the world. When we live as if Jesus matters, Jesus lives. When we neglect our torch, we crucify Him again…and again…and again.

At Easter we remember to be the light and to live each day forward as if the story of Jesus matters.

 

 

 

 

Stop it!

29 Monday Oct 2018

Posted by in acceptance, Christianity, community, compassion, hate, judgment, political correctness, relationships

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My theological brain is about to explode! The cause? The vitriolic rhetoric relentlessly espoused that promotes the divisive climate so prevalent in our country today. We are about as united as the proverbial oil and vinegar with each side claiming moral superiority. We are divided into social units based on how we look; who we love; our gender identity; our age; socioeconomics; neighborhoods; schools; sports team allegiance; where we work, pray and play; what we think is the best breed of dog or if we think cats are the better pet. We point fingers at those who vote differently than we do, as if ‘the other’ has no business being a voice in our country. We divide along lines of plastic or paper (paper, please…); if you want a turtle-killing-straw with that iced tea (yes, please…); or what we think about gun control. We politicize mental illness…the senseless, crazy kind that kills in a twisted, sick, fucked-up need to be immortalized for murder. The left points fingers at the right and the right points right back as if to say, “You did this…not me!” when we certainly are all at fault.

We use our sacred writings as a means to convey a ridiculously high level of spiritual excellence, essentially bullying others into agreeing with our social agenda out of a longing to be righteous. And then…we judge those that don’t agree with our brand of faith or our worldview. Our judgment leads to being judged by those we have demonized for their beliefs. And the cycle continues.

We have allowed political campaigns to run for months and months before election day. In this heated season, I have yet to hear one televised commercial that doesn’t vilify the other opponent; one that tells me what a candidate intends to do; one that seeks to unify rather than divide. And yet, each party claims to be the one focused on their brand…and only their brand…of  their perceived morally exceptional behavior.  There is little room for conversation, let alone compromise. Hurtful labels are plunged deep into the hearts of the criticized doing as much damage to the soul as a dagger does to the flesh.

When indeed, we are all in this beautiful life together.

Let’s try that again…WE ARE ALL IN THIS BEAUTIFUL LIFE TOGETHER!

So now, what do we do? We listen. We listen to our sacred writings and realized that they all speak of compassion and love for our neighbor. We accept that we are made differently for a reason. Many eyes and hearts see a variety of distinct things so that we can come together as a unified whole, not as opposing groups focused on grabbing all of the power. We recognize that our neighbor is in need of a casserole or someone to vacuum or give them a ride; that they long for a message of hope rather than hate; that they simply want someone to validate their life through shared conversation, including those things that have hurt them or those things that inspire them…even when their “stuff” is unfamiliar to us. We realize that our elected officials are not in charge of our morality – good or bad. We accept responsibility to step outside of our lives long enough to see the needs around us.  We stop judging and start understanding. We look at the messages of Jesus, Mohammad, Gandhi, Buddha, and others who spoke of compassion and love, recognizing when rhetoric – religious or otherwise – comes with baggage that feeds into racism, sexism, and all of the other ‘isms’ that attribute to divisive behavior.

What we need is to look at ‘the other’…you know, the one that doesn’t think the way we do…and simply come together…right now…

The Youngbloods hit the music charts in the late 1960’s with a song, Get Together, written by Chet Powers. (Also known as Dino Valenti) Google it. Listen to it. Read and savor the words. Think of it as a prayer for our country – every bit as relevant today as it was half a century ago. Then…LIVE IT!

 

 

We all knew…and we did nothing…

30 Monday Oct 2017

Posted by in "Me too", choices, Christianity, compassion, Hollywood, political correctness, relationships

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The mantras out of Hollywood these days seems to be, “We all knew…” and “Me too…” The intent is to demonize anyone who is accused of sexual misconduct by giving accusers support for their claims years…even decades…after an alleged event. Some accusations are very real and the aggressors need to be called out and held accountable.

I maintain that there are others who are accountable, although it’s not politically correct to call them out as well. I expect my opinion will enrage some, yet I am convinced we must honestly look at our ethical responsibilities in regard to knowing…and doing nothing.

Am I the only one who finds it amazing that there are those who have achieved status on the film industry star list who are just now claiming to have been abused as they made their way to the top? These are women who claim abuse when they were young and unknown, but chose to keep it quiet until recent events made it a popular choice to speak  up about their experiences and rage under the hashtag of “me too”.

Today a newsfeed told the story of male actor who claims abuse in the LGBTQ community…an abuse that occurred over 3 decades ago. The accused has no recollection of the situation, yet chose to apologize for the pain his accuser has carried for so many years. Outspoken members of this community have cried out in support of this young man with the claim, “We all knew.”

Really??? “We all knew!” The next logical statement is, “and we did nothing”.

This is how depravity continues. How can we justify experiencing something and saying nothing to preserve a career? How do we know of the abuse of a teen…a child…and say nothing? Personally, I can’t get over the inherent arrogance and self-righteousness of someone who purports indignation after an atrocity, or alleged atrocity, is made public. Where is the honor in that?

Let me explain further. I understand that we keep some situations hidden in our hearts because they are too painful to share. I also get that as we progress through the years following our horror that we choose not to open the wound by talking about it. Yet, even though we long for our experience to remain private, we have an overwhelming responsibility to those who come behind us to protect them from what we have experienced.

Who among us would allow a daughter or son to spend one-on-one time with a relative who abused us? Or with a teacher, coach or priest who tore away our innocence? We would move mountains to protect our own from the pain we carry day in and day out.

What keeps a well known actor or actress from speaking up? As we give to the future, are we not also responsible for the protection of those who come behind us? It’s more than adopting orphans from impoverished nations, speaking out on gun control or paying lip service to equal rights for women, minorities, and marriage rights. When push comes to shove, we must also find our voices when “we all knew” something wasn’t right or when we cry out “me too” after hearing about a shared experience of sexual exploitation at the hands of someone in a powerful position.

Is it easy to speak up? Absolutely not! But, no one promised us living life as an ethical, compassionate, loving human being would be easy.  God calls us to step into history. We think of Isaiah and Samuel with their hesitant, but definite, “Here I am…” Where is our response to those in need? Will it only come when it’s comfortable to say “Me too”? Or will we step boldly into history, leading the cry that resonates in and through our culture to change those things that are wrong? Will we be the one that steps out in faith…and fear…to challenge the powerful?

Or will we remain quiet to evil and wrong while untold numbers of others face our fate simply because to speak up might change the course of our own, personal history?

We are not called to save ourselves. We are called to love God and love our neighbor. We also know that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for another. That doesn’t always mean we need to die for another. Sometimes it simply means that we step out of our own life dreams long enough to deliver another or others from a devastating situation. It only makes sense that if we know something or someone is abusive, we must speak out so that our story never becomes someone else’s story…even if it means not getting that next big movie or television contract.

So, my message to the indignant Hollywood types who are busy hashtagging and saying, “We all knew…”, well, you knew and did nothing. Where is the honor in that?

For the rest of us, we need to consciously see where we are called to change a distorted historical trajectory by responding, “Here I am…” to God’s plea of “Whom shall I send?”

 

Right now…

15 Tuesday Aug 2017

Posted by in acceptance, Christianity, community, compassion, difficult times, judgment, love, polarization, relationships

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A group of vegans in Berkley, California protested a butcher shop until the owners agreed to put a sign in their window about animal rights. Their ultimate goal is to make it unlawful to sell meat anywhere in Berkley.

White supremacists protested the removal of a Civil War memorial statue in Charlottesville, VA and were met with a counter protest from anti-racist and anti-fascist demonstrators. A woman died as a result of an angry man focused on superiority.

The president tweets and the media pounces on ‘his intent’ by twisting each of his actual or missing words looking for an assumed intent to support their agenda of who he is and what he stands for.

Someone spews to a mutual friend distorted perceptions of another’s actions fueled by  anger, hurt and jealousy. The story spreads from friend to friend until it is so well known that it becomes a distorted truth.

All the while we cling to noble reasons for our behavior. We are acting out of religious beliefs; secular altruism; distorted world views; personal frustration; boredom; elevated perception of self; crowd mentality; or an array of other twisted beliefs that fuel dangerous and twisted behaviors.

We use our understanding of God to justify atrocious behaviors when indeed God’s plan for creation had nothing to do with hate, lies, violence, exclusivity or superiority.

We ennoble ourselves when we align ourselves with a group that gives itself title to determining who is moral and who is not. Then, we shout our opinion never taking a moment to listen to the other who is, most likely, as quick to shout back their opposing opinion.

We spin local and world events in a way that fits our ultimate agenda. Have you ever looked at the headlines of a conservative media outlet and compared the same event to a liberal source’s headlines? It’s hard to tell it’s the same event making it even more difficult to find fact and truth.

In our personal relationships we become hurt when someone doesn’t cave into our perceptions. We rant and spew, hoping they will see our perspective…and when they don’t, we tell our side to the story to anyone who will listen – hoping to gain their allegiance making inappropriate categories of us against them.

We want to be special, exclusive and above the other. We claw our way to the top with words, demonstrations, religions, economics and war.

And for what?

We are created to live and love in God’s world…period. Not to convince, connive, plot, scheme or manipulate anyone into living life based on our personal litany of rules. We are to come together to correct wrongs by collaborating with those who have different experiences and wisdoms than we do. It means discerning who we are and Whose we are in this amazing creation and living as if that matters. It means understanding that we will all be better off if we make decisions based on what’s good for all – myself and my neighbor – instead of simply looking at what I want or need to be to gain power.

Don’t you know the Divine, by whatever name you call out to – God, Allah, Yahweh –  weeps when we distort our created need for love and relationship into a scramble for wealth, power, and superiority?

During the turbulence of the 60’s and 70’s, a group called the Youngbloods recorded a song written by Dino Valenti. The pleading lyrics never grow old…

Love is but a song to sing
Fear’s the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Though the bird is on the wing
And you may not know why

Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Right now

Some may come and some may go
We shall surely pass
When the one that left us here
Returns for us at last
We are but a moment’s sunlight
Fading in the grass

Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Right now.

If you hear the song I sing
You will understand (listen!)
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It’s there at your command.

Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Right now

Right now!
Right now!

Relationships only work if…

23 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in acceptance, Christianity, community, compassion, hate, human nature, political correctness, relationships

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Relationships only work if…

The fill-in-the-blank on that one seems obvious. In reality, it is subject to many deviations from reality. Children come home from school professing to hate a former best friend because they didn’t agree on something. Group mentality prevents one faction from embracing another because of loyalties to the club, gang, team, religion or whatever chasm divides them into rivals or enemies. A spouse has expectations that aren’t met and withdraws rather than entering conversation toward understanding. Relationships…

We rant about those who think, look, speak, worship or love differently than we do, all the while circling ourselves with those who reflect our views and attitudes in a disturbing attempt to be on the right side…as if that alone gives us worth as a person. Indeed, that thought process simply causes us to diminish the perceived worth of those who do not meet our beliefs and expectations. Relationships…

We have come to a place in our society where groups pride themselves on polarization and vilifying those who don’t share their mandated common cause. I read a news article today that gave permission to hate someone who voted for a candidate the reader didn’t like. Seriously!!! Our freedom to vote for the candidate of our choice was leveled to a school yard fight. It’s the old “my way or the highway” concept of how to get along in life – a philosophy that has never worked to promote a healthy relationship.

What ever happened to listening? You know, two ears and one mouth…use them proportionately? What about listening to another’s views, beliefs and attitudes openly and honestly to understand what they think, feel and love? What about finding common ground and growing out of that commonality? What about recognizing that life experiences lead all of us in different directions and to different understandings? And, what about sharing our collective wisdoms to find solutions that are cooperative and greater than any one perspective could ever produce? Relationships!!!

Instead, we tend to dig in our heels and deny that any mindset other than the one we share with our cronies has validity. We jump into conflict and believe resolution will come only when we get our way. And, we believe this at all cost. Friends, it is where we are at in our country, our neighborhoods, our families, our churches, our offices, our schools… We have become the Polarized States of America. Unity is gone and we believe it won’t return until  everyone else buys into our narrow-minded rhetoric. Be very clear, it is all narrow minded rhetoric when it becomes a rabidly held belief, no matter how liberal or conservative the motives are.

Our demise will come from our inability to listen…to understand…to believe in the good of someone who disagrees with us…to respect differing opinions. All we really need to do is listen and understand that our own hot air professions aren’t the only game in town. Finally, the goal shouldn’t be about who wins and who loses…the goal should be about how we nurture relationships.

And, relationships only work if…

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”   – Maya Angelou

When the march is over…

06 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by in acceptance, Christianity, community, compassion, judgment, life lessons, polarization, relationships, Uncategorized

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We march for racial equality; for candidates and against candidates; for women’s rights; for refugees; for immigration; for border walls and for no border walls. We march for causes that affect a few and causes that affect many. Some marches are joyful, and some are filled with sadness and pain. Some marches destroy businesses, homes and cars while others are peaceful. Some stop traffic. Some perpetuate caustic and potentially unrealistic perspectives, while others promote excitement and hope.

But, at the end of the day…what happens when the march is over? What happens to the children, the women, the immigrants, the refugees and the causes we marched for? What happens to the racial divide we hope to bridge and the politicians we hope to silence? What happens when we go home to our families and our lives…when the march is over?

I am not a demonstrative person. A personal philosophy of mine is, “When you know what red tape you are facing, figure out a way to cut through it.” Red tape doesn’t go away through demonstration. Most often it becomes a red ravine with ‘we-uns’ on one side and ‘you-uns’ on the other. We polarize and spew disbelief and hate at those who don’t think the way we think or believe the solutions we propose. The more we demonstrate, the deeper the ravine becomes until we can’t even see that our way is not the only game in town. We become encapsulated in a solution that solves our agenda without realizing that said solution may be cause for another to demonstrate just as earnestly and violently as we just did.

You see, we are not all the same. We all come into life innocent and full of hope. Life, then,  pulls us in a myriad of directions to form us into the people we are today. For some, life is full of freedom and trust. For others it is merely something to survive. Some are strong, while others succumb to less desirable paths simply to make it from day to day. Marches happen when the stronger people see the injustices placed on others and take on the cause to improve opportunities for the marginalized. That is a noble cause!

However, I continue to ask – What happens when the march is over?

Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. famously said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent questions is, ‘what are you doing for others?'”

When the march is over, what are we doing to promote our cause? What are we doing to improve racial relations? Are we lifting men and women in poverty up so that they are able to find the freedom from financial devastation? Are we teaching and mentoring children who are struggling with horrible home lives to see the value in who they are as individuals in this world? Are we doing something as simple as meeting our neighbors?

Unfortunately, when the march is over, many will go home and talk about the march as if the event alone will improve deplorable conditions. They will build a coalition of people who think as they do and march again and again, just to prove a point.

But, what does the march do for those in need of change?

John F. Kennedy aptly said, “No amount of laws can make a man do right.”

We can lobby congress, meticulously select judges, and write platforms at caucuses. We can campaign for our candidates and put signs in our yards. Yet, all of this is simply relying on others to do what we should be doing ourselves. Each and every one of us has the ability to roll up our sleeves and to start or join organizations focused on giving hope to those who have none. It can be a food pantry, a youth program, substance abuse mentoring, volunteer tutoring, prison counseling or simply participating in an organization with people who see life differently than you do because of who they are and where they come from.

And – we need to do it without judgment. We all have a story to tell. When we listen to others tell the story of who they are and where they come from , we will expand our compassion beyond our limited experiences and see the world through a different lens. Little by little we all will grow together as God’s people, loving others as we love ourselves.

The march may or may not be step one. What I know for sure is that work needs to happen when the march is over. The surest way for change to occur is when we step outside of our lives and enter into the lives of others as individuals who care, who can offer hope, and who can help one another navigate this crazy thing called life. The challenge is staggering, but it can happen if we take it one step at a time and, quite realistically, one person at a time. Mistakes will be made and we will all need to seek forgiveness and grace…one step at a time, one person at a time.

Where will you be when the march is over?

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?’ and I said, ‘Here I am, Lord.'”     Isaiah 6:8   

On coffee shops and listening skills…

23 Tuesday Aug 2016

Posted by in community, compassion, human nature, life lessons, polarization, relationships

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imagesIt was the typical, “May I take your order?” Sure! I ordered three beverages – one for Don, one for myself, and one for Lucy the Puppy-girl. The summer weather finally gave us a reprieve from the heat and we took the opportunity to walk to our local coffee shop. Lucy loves to drink her water out of the plastic ‘grande’ cup. No ice please, and save the lid for someone else. Really, she doesn’t care. By the way, we haven’t been able to teach her the finer points of using a straw. It’s something about the oral musculature of a mature canine that makes the straw an impossibility. You can save the straw for someone else, too.

The barista smiled at me, thanked me for my order, which, by the way, included directions for Lucy’s plain cup of water and a request for ‘room’ in my iced coffee. Coffee without cream is like bread without butter. It’s okay, but it definitely falls short of being that spectacular blend of great taste and complete personal comfort. You know, that ‘ahhhhh’ moment when the first taste passes you lips. I am a Minnesota girl. Believe me, cream and butter make our Scandinavian hearts happy!

One of our beverages was completed as requested. One out of three. One. Only one.

Now, the caveat here is that the coffee shop was not crowded. I was the only one in line to order. Another customer was waiting for a beverage and the drive through line was virtually nonexistent.

Only one of our beverages was completed as requested!

This in and of itself is not a big deal. Through conversation we eventually reached a place where I received the drinks I ordered and life went on.

The thing is, only one out of three – and I might add, three simple drinks – was initially prepared correctly. This had nothing to do with the skill of the barista. It had everything to do with the ability to listen. Listening is becoming a lost art.

Take the evening news, for example. Conflict is main topic. How often do you see someone yelling to be heard about something? How often do we hear about this side or that side or some side that disagrees with something someone else says or does? It’s rampant! Whether it’s about racial relations; political agendas; a neighborhood riff; changes in educational structures, boundaries or agendas; or a myriad of other person-to-person conflicts, the method of dealing with it is to cling to one’s own perspective while devaluing the beliefs, thoughts, or rights of another.

Sometimes, in the midst of conversation or conflict, we don’t even know what the other perspective is simply because we refuse to listen.

Cell phones and ear buds connect us to the world, yet we tend to spend our time listening to things that we already agree with. Is this really listening? Or are we simply reinforcing what we already believe?

Facebook posts and memes are often followed by visceral, angry comments from those who disagree and feel free to hit out words on a keyboard that let the person who offended our sensibilities know how naive, silly, uneducated or just plain stupid they are. Yet, did we actually read with the desire to understand a view point different than our own? Or was the intention to prove how right we are at another’s expense?

Who we are and what we think come from a lifetime of experiences. Some folks allow those situations to become a wall around their understanding that brick by brick…thought by thought…constructs a limited perspective of indignant self-righteousness. We have all been around those who refuse to listen objectively to concepts that are not familiar to them. They become closed minded, encapsulated in an understanding of the world that belongs only to them and those who agree with them.

The thing is, we live in a huge, messy community of people who have even bigger and messier life experiences to draw on. Those big, messy experiences lead to understandings about life that are as different as the colors in a jumbo box of Crayola’s. Any child knows that weaving those colors together in and around a design or picture can lead to something better than any individual color offers by itself. Yet, the colors have to work together in harmony or they will become a dissonant hodgepodge.

Life is like those colors. We all have something to offer. Our beauty as a society is dependent on weaving our diverse ideas, beliefs and perspectives into a tapestry that represents the diversified hopes of all who walk this crazy path called, ‘life’.

To do this, we need to listen. Maybe it starts with a coffee shop barista learning to look a weary customer in the eye and hear the words that make up a simple order. Maybe it’s a conversation between friends about political beliefs that are diametrically opposed, but each one is intent on understanding the other and how they came to believe what they know to be true. Maybe it’s a journalist who attempts to capture both sides of a emotionally charged story. Maybe it’s simply letting our ego’s take a break long enough to realize that someone else has a perspective that we must consider.

Maybe…maybe…maybe, it’s about listening quietly and intently. Listening as if there is nothing else we need in the moment except to understand the voice of another.

 

 

We-uns and you-uns…

31 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by in acceptance, Christianity, compassion, Easter, human nature, life lessons, polarization, relationships, spirituality

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imagesWe-uns and you-uns. Us and them. Republicans and democrats. My neighborhood, school or church and your neighborhood, school or church. Christian or Muslim or athiest or Jewish. American citizen or immigrant. Male or female. Haves and have-nots. Baptist or Episcopal. Liberal or conservative. Straight or gay. Black or white.

Whatever group is identified lets us know where we belong and where we do not. We have successfully developed a world seeped in separation. You are either part of ‘us’ or you are one of ‘them’. When you get right down to it, we either don’t really like ‘them’, or, even worse, they are simply invisible to us. It is easier and gentler on our egos to cling to those whom we know, the groups where we understand the rules or those who accept us with all of our foibles and warts. Oh, it gets worse. Our human nature causes us to inappropriately elevate our group above the others making us and ours special and right. The others are simply naive, wrong, stupid, silly or naive. We have come to a point where we neglect to respect the fact that life experiences lead us to different places and understandings, ultimately internalizing the bogus opinion that we cannot possibly learn from or learn to love others who are ‘not like us’.

We-uns and you-uns. The underlying implication is that if you aren’t part of us, you are one of them and they aren’t worthy of our time.

You disagree with me? Think about it. We are caught up in recent worldwide bombings. Our media tends to focus on how many Americans are killed. It’s as if those are the only lives that matter. Tell that to the Pakistani families who are engulfed in sorrow or the Belgium survivors who are preparing to bury a loved one. Us and them…

Polarizations constantly challenge us. Who do we socialize with? What parts of town do we visit? Where do we spend our time? How well do we understand the perspectives of others that are not familiar to us? How much time do we spend talking through problems with the very real understanding that our view point is not the only viable alternative. Do we cling to our degrees and positions so mightily that we forget someone outside of our group could have insights that will make a difference? Whom do we listen to? Whom do we shun?

The very real problem is when we surround ourselves with similarly thinking others, we can become locked into a uniform perspective that tends be narrow and prejudicial. We begin to think that all people who are part of another group think, act, talk, dress and eat the same. They like the same things, make the same mistakes and listen to the same music. We forget that the ‘others’ are like us with unique skills, insights and ways of looking at life. Instead, we pigeon hole them into categories based on something other than what we actually know about them as a person, most likely because we never took the time to actually know them as a person.

We recently celebrated Easter. Families dressed up in pastel dresses and seersucker suits, enjoyed brunches, planned egg hunts, and slowed down enough to celebrate this Christian holy day. Some even took time out of their holiday events to spend time in worship. It’s as if we have forgotten who and what we are dedicating this day to. Is it the life, death and resurrection of Jesus?  And…knowing that how we live our lives is the greatest thing we can do to honor him? Or is it a chance to kiss winter good-bye with thoughts of bunnies, flowers and spring clothes?

Jesus was the great equalizer. He didn’t care if you were a Samaritan, a woman, a tax collector, a child, a Roman soldier or an invalid. He didn’t cling to his merry band of 12 and make jokes about those who weren’t part of his ‘in’ crowd. Instead, he spoke with whomever he came in contact with…not shunning, not judging…rather listening and accepting.

He didn’t know the difference between ‘us’ and ‘them’.

I am cynical. I listen to ‘good Christians’ bash those whom they have decided are not worthy. Jesus never did this. I see educated people slam others for their ideas, stating that ‘the other’ doesn’t know what they are talking about. Jesus didn’t do this. Our media pounces on differences, inciting people to pick sides and hate those who are part of the opposition. Nope…not Jesus. We can verbalize what he taught, pontificate on how he lived his life and theologize the depth of his love and compassion. Yet, when we observe the actions of those around us… and, if we are honest, of ourselves…it’s easy to question who or what we actually memorialize on Easter.

I wonder how many more Easters we will need to celebrate before we realize that it’s not about we-uns and you-uns. The real message asks us to ponder who we think we are in God’s world and how we will show love and respect for all who occupy it.

What are you waiting for…

22 Tuesday Dec 2015

Posted by in Advent, Christmas, compassion, God, human nature, judgment, polarization, relationships, Responsibility, spirituality

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UnknownThis week wraps up Advent, the liturgical season of waiting and preparation. Theology tells us we are waiting, as our ancient brothers and sisters did, for Emmanuel – the Hebrew word for “God is with us.” We, as they did, wait for God to come again as a powerful leader who will let us live our lives in peace, harmony, utopian perfection and all those things beauty queens talk about in their final interviews.  No doubt, we will be just as disappointed as they were when they finally came face to face with Jesus, the long awaited for king who was to take away all of their troubles and disappointments; who was to slay the enemy; and who was to make life in the land of milk and honey a reality. You see, we, too, have created our idea of the perfect savior and he…or she…most likely looks nothing like the model of compassion seen in the person of Jesus.

The question is, what exactly is it that we are waiting for? Is it that we long for time with God? You know, like the conversation starter, “If you could have dinner with anyone living or not living, who would it be?” I mean, who doesn’t have a list of questions for God all the way from the trivial to an explanation for the deeply painful events of life…things like why young mothers have to die or why hate is so prevalent in our world.

Or, are we stoically waiting for a time when we can live exactly as we think life should be. Maybe we long to be out of poverty; or we yearn for healing in a fractured relationship, for a child, health for an aging parent, or peace around the holiday table. Maybe we want the security of reassurance, as we fear for a loved one who is depressed; addicted to drugs and/or alcohol; or who is deployed to places we neither know nor understand. We might even be filled with anger at entire groups of people who don’t think, believe or live the way we do and we wait for our version of justice and wrath to change them so they see the world as we do without ever really understanding who they are.

We become absorbed with our ideas of what changes we would like to see in our world without considering that the next guy has similar thoughts. Often, we don’t even know the other guy…or gal. We just suppose they must be like everyone else who looks and acts and dresses the way they do. We vilify ethnicities, socioeconomic groups, genders, professions, bosses, politicians, neighbors, family members and anyone we can lump into a group of people that we perceive as different than us and the group we identify with.

And, we wait for God to let them know they are wrong and we are right. I mean, the world would definitely be a better place if only…right? And…we wait for Emmanuel to take care of our lives, our stresses, our frustrations and our anger.

There are those of us of a ‘certain age’ who remember the screech of a needle scratching across a record when someone quickly and recklessly wants the music to cease. It’s that sound of “stop” that should be playing in your head as you ponder these musings defining what we might be waiting for. Our wait should not be passive as if we are waiting for something outside of our control. Nor should our wait be narcissistically focused on self-interests and desires no matter how noble they may seem to be to our selves or those around us.

Rather, the question, “what are we waiting for” should be a call to action. What are we waiting for? Why don’t we cross cultural and ethnic barriers to learn about our neighbors? Why don’t we listen in conversation, a skill that can only guide us toward understanding, compromise and breaking down barriers? Why is our main action to point at another to magnify the splinter in their eye when we are suffering from a log in our own? (Matt. 7:3) What exactly is it that we are waiting for? Since the beginning of time we have been guided by God toward a better way, God’s way. Some call the place where God is in control heaven and they wait for the kingdom of heaven to simply happen. Jesus said, “The kingdom of heaven is among you.” (Luke 17:21) Was he talking about his presence with humanity? About God’s presence with us always and everywhere? Or was it a call to us to consider how we might be instrumental in bringing this crazy thing called heaven into a broken, hurting world?

Maybe it’s all of the above. Why are we waiting for God, in the form of Jesus, to come into the world again at some nebulous point when all we have to do is look around us to see God’s constant joyful, playful, and beautiful presence, laughing, weeping and beaconing us to walk with him…or her…as we navigate this complex thing called life?  And, once we see God’s presence…once we believe that God came to us in the form of Jesus, and again in the form of the Holy Spirit…once we truly believe that God constantly and consistently calls us as his very own sons and daughters to live as only she could create us to live, then – and only then will we understand the answer to the question, “what are we waiting for?” We must not wait! It is time to come together, not to belittle, berate or judge some other person; nor to act out of arrogance, entitlement or exclusivity. It is time to love God more than anything imaginable and, out of that immense love, it is time to compassionately engage in all of God’s creation so much that we have no possible choice other than to nurture all that God so masterfully and beautifully put together on this humble little planet.

We have been created and empowered by God and taught through the example Jesus set before us how to be light in the world. As the Christmas story unfolds, we see kings and shepherds; men and women; rich and poor; powerful and oppressed all come together, united and awed by the presence of God. If they could do it, what are we waiting for?

 

 

 

The happiness factor and Lucille van Pelt…

08 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by in choices, Christianity, compassion, human nature, love, relationships, Uncategorized

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We all try to find it. For some, it’s illusive. Happiness can seem to be about just a bit more money; one more designer bag; a bigger house; improved health; weight loss; a more perfect relationship; the next promotion; a desired job; a higher degree; living in the right neighborhood; less worries; and the list goes on. Each of us has a litany of what happiness is supposed to be.

The thing is, we have to look at what happiness actually is, not as some abstract concept defined by personal expectations of what life should offer.

I remember a conversation I was involved in several years ago. A group of mothers were asked what they wanted for their children’s lives. “Happiness” seemed to be the standard answer. However, when they were asked to define happiness, the conversation changed from one of confidence in their hopes for the future to conflicting descriptions of what it means to be happy. We all want happiness for those we love. The perception of that means takes on a variety of definitions.

Lucille van Pelt can teach us something amazing about happiness. You may know her simply as “Lucy”, the bitchy little girl who torments Charlie Brown, Linus and all the other Charles Schultz characters in the Peanut’s series. Lucy spends the majority of her time feeling put upon by the idiocy of the children who surround her in her family and her neighborhood. She gives demoralizing advice as a pseudo-psychiatrist, hoping to receive 5¢ per insult. She seems arrogant, callous and insensitive to anyone or anything who doesn’t buy into her brand of life. Yet, she is devastated when she is criticized for her poor behavior. People just don’t understand Lucy. Or, maybe we simply understand her too much…

You see, Lucy longs for life to be exactly as she wants it. The people around her are to behave according to her desires and she is supposed to have whatever she wants – whether it is approval, love or possessions. She shuns Snoopy, the dog, who fervently tries to kiss her and gain her affection, but is enamored with Schroeder, the piano player who barely knows she exists. Lucy isn’t interested in something or someone who cares about her. She is only interested in conquering what she does not have and what seems to be out of her grasp.

Yet, one day Lucy is found holding Snoopy in her arms. Can you feel it? The comic strip shows her arms are wrapped around that which finds her irresistible. If you read between the lines, you can resonate with her as she closes her eyes and smells the warmth and love emanating from Snoopy’s little body. Can you feel how soft his fur is beneath her fingers? Does your heart beat in agreement with hers as she gently whispers, “Happiness is a warm puppy.” In that instant Lucy learned that puppy kisses and devotion can take her to a place of complete harmony in a complex and often chaotic life, slowing time long enough for her to let go of her longing for a perfect future and actually see that all she ever wanted or needed was right in front of her. Happiness…

The Greek philosopher Aristotle said, “Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the aim and end of human existence.” Where do you find your meaning and purpose? What is the aim and the end of human existence? How one defines these things will determine how one finds happiness.

I know what I am about to say isn’t politically correct. And, I also know that there are sometimes when emotional issues are the result of physiological imbalances. Yet, I maintain that many of our societal problems are the result of self-centered attempts toward happiness, like Lucy’s, without considering that our happiness cannot exist in a family, community or nation that is filled with people who are also obsessed with their own personal happiness. As long as we look for self-fulfillment separate from compassion for the growth and wellbeing of others we are doomed to depression, obesity, anger, hostility, frustration, stress and a litany of other problems linked to happiness gone wrong. Abundance surrounds us, yet it is rarely enough because someone, somewhere has more. We strive for the elusive more, more and even MORE believing that we are entitled to happiness on our own terms and anyone or anything that thwarts our plans is wrong. Rarely do we see that warm puppy sitting there, waiting patiently for us to realize that we have all that we need…right in front of us.

God gave us some directives about happiness in the 10 Commandments. You know them: Love God; don’t try to create other Gods or false stories about God; take time for rest; don’t lie, steal, betray those who love you, murder, or long for something that isn’t yours. Jesus clarified the list when he said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27)

The hard part is in recognizing what loving God and neighbor looks like. The quick answer is to look at what motivates us. Jesus had a way of answering complicated questions with direct answers. (Matthew 6:21)

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Where is your treasure? Is it in loving God? Loving your neighbor? Social climbing? Wealth? Climbing ahead? Hugging warm puppies? Caring for and nurturing the ones around us? When we know what our treasure looks like, we cannot help but make all of our decisions within the framework of what our treasure means to us. If love, caring and compassion for our neighbor is our treasure, we will live as God intended for us to live. If gratitude for all that is right in front of us is part of our treasure, we will not feel entitled to something we don’t have. If we live out of jealousy, thinking that “things will be better when I have [fill in the blank]”, then happiness will be elusive and lead to living life less fully than we were created to live.

All I know for sure is warm puppy hugs can calm the chaos of striving long enough to contemplate the true source of happiness.