Author Archives: Linda

The death of a man…

22 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by in choices, compassion, hate, human nature, Lenten Meditaion, love, spirituality, Uncategorized

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I clearly recall the day I saw the gathering on the sidewalk. Several police officers were stationed on the opposite side of the street watching the men, women and children who held pickets splattered with messages depicting a belief that it is somehow God’s will for anyone who doesn’t fit within a narrow spectrum of behavior to die a horrible and painful death. Furthermore, if we show any love or compassion for their targeted population, we should share the same vengeful fate. Additionally, our national acceptance of all people is in jeopardy as proven when our military men and women die while defending, amongst other things, our right to speak as viciously as this famous group of people who erroneously call themselves a ‘church’, ‘believers in God’, and, I choke on the word, ‘Christians’.

It was all I could do to keep from driving onto the walkway to permanently silence them. How could they infect children with this distorted perception of God and how God feels about humanity? Children are born beautifully open to people of all colors, religions, sexual orientations, ethnicities, and abilities. They can only enter the box of prejudice with instruction from the adults they look up to. This group of adults damages the innocence of their children as they attacked people unknown to them, an attack generated simply because they did not share the group’s distorted religious beliefs. The day I saw them, they stood in front of a building that served Jewish believers on Saturday and offered Christian services on Sunday. It wasn’t their traditional venue of tormenting grieving families at military funerals; yet, it exemplified their perverted position that God sees life the way they see it.

Then it happened. Their patriarch and church founder died. His passing has permeated not only the news, but also clutters social media sites and seems to be the topic of choice for many, like myself, who write or preach about spiritual matters. I didn’t intend to write about his passing. But, it has been gnawing at me. The thing is, I like to think I’m not writing about his life; rather I am meditating on how his life has affected our society. The only significance I find in his life and death is in the overall goodness of society and the pervasive attitude that we must never stoop to his level of hate. News reports and social media comments share a general message of compassion for his family as they mourn their loss. A few have threatened to picket his funeral just as he did to others. But, each of these remarks have been met with reminders of a loving God and encouragement to show the family compassion. Even the church I mentioned above had a message in their signage asking for peace as he enters eternity.

What I see in all of this is God’s hand. God was in the crowds who created barriers at gravesides to protect grieving families from their venom. God is present in the goodness and peaceful wishes extended to his family as they grieve. God is in every heart that weeps for this man and the life he lived never knowing the love and grace God extends to all. God himself (herself?) probably weeps with intense sadness that this man, God’s beloved, never knew the joy God showered around him throughout his life. He only knew the deity of hate he created in his mind to support his fears and prejudices about people who were not like him.

The problem is, this man is not totally unlike us. His example is of a life lived without compassion. Yet, we have the potential to live in his world when it is convenient for us. We claim we would never teach a child to hate, but what are we doing to teach them to love? What do we teach them when we are angry with someone and rant about that person’s less desirable characteristics? What if those attributes include an ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or disabilities that the child transfers to all people with those traits? Further, we think we would never stand in the midst of another’s grief and shout scathing epitaphs about their loved one deserving to die. Yet, we might find ourselves unwilling to forgive someone who has wronged us and secretly hope they experience pain.

I like to think I live out of compassion for all of God’s creation. Yet, I am sure there are times when God shakes his (her) head at my choices. My prayer is that as I continue to navigate this crazy thing called “life”, I grow increasingly aware of God’s love and presence in all things…so aware that I have no choice but to make the right choice.

As for you Mr. Phelps, I believe in the power of God’s love. It is because of that belief, I pray you will rest in peace, finally knowing yourself as God’s beloved, fully aware of the pain your hate rendered and equally conscience of the incredible mercy God shared with you when God called you home.

Epilogue: The family of the man picketed again last night. On the other side of the street was a group of people with a single banner that read, “We are sorry for your loss.” Some hear God’s gentle nudge to meet hate with compassion and some are deafened by the noise of their own prejudice. Most of us fall somewhere in between…

Words, labels and understanding Sabbath rest…

16 Sunday Mar 2014

Posted by in compassion, Lenten Meditaion, meditation, Sabbath, spirituality, Uncategorized

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UnknownWords matter. Really – they do. The words we choose tell a story far beyond the simple sentences we put them in. For example, the word ‘storm’ seems pretty straightforward. Who doesn’t know what a storm is? The general definition is a disturbance in the atmosphere. We typically think of wind and rain, maybe some lightening and thunder. It could include some hail, but basically, a storm is a storm…right? So, what if that storm is a winter storm? Yes, precipitation is still a factor, but scratch the hail, lightening and thunder. Okay, sometimes we have thunder snow, which means lightening and thunder happen with the snow. Then there are sand storms – if you live in a desert. You get the point. The understanding of the word ‘storm’ can be relative, depending on the general conditions and time of year in the given area.

“Bible” is the same way. We have the canon, which is one thing if you are Protestant and another thing if you are Catholic. We have numerous translations of the original text and only pieces of those initial manuscripts. Then, there is the whole discussion about who wrote it and how it was written. Like, did God guide the hand of the writers or did the writers attempt to write about the place where their lives rubbed up against influence from the Divine? Is it history or is it a compilation of stories to tell us something about who God is and who we are in God’s world?

Then, there is the whole God-thing. Who is God? Is he a judgmental ruler who watches and waits until we mess up so he can pounce on us with consequences? Or is God the essence of all goodness that longs for us to move in rhythm with him (or her…) throughout time?

I attended a study last week where several questions came up about the Sabbath and what it should mean to us in our 21st-century lives. I maintain that how one answers, “What is the Bible?” and “Who is God” will determine how one recognizes the Sabbath…as well as how one responds to most of the issues encountered in this crazy thing called “life”. Let’s look at this more fully.

In Mark 23, Jesus is found talking to the Pharisees. The discussion focuses on the Sabbath and what a person can do to please God – like, what does it mean to ‘keep the Sabbath’. Understand they had lists of rules that were designed to help people do what they perceived was right. Jesus used an example where King David broke not only Sabbath law, but also Levitical law when he and his soldiers were “hungry and in need of food”. They went into the temple on the Sabbath and ate bread that was reserved for the priests. Verse 27 states, “Then he said to them, ‘The Sabbath was made for humankind, and not humankind for the Sabbath.'”

Aside from the obvious discussion of Christ’s statement about the Sabbath, the questions arose, “Why was the bread only for the priests?” and “It sounds like they were starving (in need of food), so what were they supposed to do?” In reality, was the bread only for the priests because it was so holy that only seemingly holy men could eat it? Or was it only for the priests because it assured their daily sustenance? If we fast-forward to today, would we deny a starving person bread that had been blessed for the Eucharist if that was the only food available? Or would we feed them out of compassion and worry about replacing the ‘holy’ food later?

You see, how we define the Bible and God will affect how one responds to this dilemma.

I believe the Bible is holy and a set of writings by humanity throughout time attempting to let others know what a relationship with God looks like. However, what made perfect sense to the writer(s) of Torah becomes muddy as we read their script today. We can recite the words, but the essence of those words become complicated as we attempt to understand the culture and tradition within which they were written. Yet, we say the Bible is timeless and written for all generations, including now and those to come. Maybe there is something we are missing in the interpretation. I for one have certainly broken several laws that were important to the ancients. There are things in scripture about gold earrings and braids that our religious culture doesn’t deem important anymore. However, don’t even get me started on passages about slavery and the right way to treat a slave! To condone human ownership, let alone attempt to claim it is Biblical is cause for me to break a few more of the ancient rules…the silence of women being a trivial start.

The point is, to embrace scripture and what it says to us today must be something other than literal interpretation. If the intent is to let others throughout time know what a relationship with God looks like, then the importance has to be in understanding who God is.

That’s where Jesus comes in. If we believe, as the ancient writers told us, that Jesus is God in human form, then to understand the words and actions of Jesus is to get an idea of what our relationship with God should look like. Jesus loved people…all kinds of people. His list of friends included crazy people, tax collectors, fishermen, shepherds, women, wealthy, poor, widows, children, prostitutes, Romans, gentiles…have I missed anyone? The point is, Jesus found beauty and acceptance in everyone.

In her book, “The Friendship of Women”, Joan Chittister, a Benedictine nun, stated, “…once we are loved we have an obligation to live as best we can.” (p. XIII)

To put this in perspective, think of the woman who was to be stoned for adultery. (John 8:1-11) Jesus told her to go and sin no more. My guess is, she was so grateful for his compassion that she did exactly what he said. I suppose this is where we could go on another tangent about what exactly we mean when we use the word “sin”. Suffice it to say, I have to believe she went back to her life and lived out the tenderness that had been offered to her. She was loved by Him and responded to that love by sharing compassion with others.

That brings us back to the Sabbath. What does it mean to keep the Sabbath and how do we respond to the part where scripture informs us we will loose our friends and die if we don’t. (Exodus 31:1-15) We tend to ignore that part when Sunday rolls around. No, we don’t have to worry about our community stoning us if we prepare a meal on Sunday or walk more than 500 steps. But, we have also moved pretty far away from understanding why God insisted we recognize the Sabbath.

You see, we are created in God’s image. (Genesis 1:27) God wildly created for six periods of time, referred to as ‘days’ in the ancient writings. I have visions of a sculptor that chisels and taps in a frenzy of creative activity allowing little time for rest, food or friends until he stands back to say, “It is good” and sits down to enjoy his work, maybe with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Maybe he calls out to a friend or two to come and see what he’s done, pours tea into their cups and pulls out the canister of biscuits along with some cheese to augment their time together. They talk and laugh, sharing the moment. Then, after they all go home, the artist decides to lie in his hammock with a comfy quilt and rest. The next day, when he is feeling restored, he walks amongst his friends and enjoys their company; he nurtures them when they are enduring troubles, he laughs with them when they are amused and even pops out a miracle or several like turning water into wine.

You see, God knows how important it is for us to rest, to take time to restore our souls and to nurture our relationships…for without these things we will surely die. Because we are human and cannot understand all of God’s ways, we have made the Sabbath into a day complete with laws that define what rest should look like. Jesus reminded us that life happens, even on the Sabbath. Someone gets hungry…someone needs healing…someone needs our love and compassion.

You see, to believe that God needs us to focus on adoration for God and nothing else for an entire day every week is to ignore God’s love for all of creation. On the flip side, to ignore our need for rest is to forget who created us. It can get pretty tricky if we try to put Sabbath in a box of legalisms.

What if we took to heart that God longs for us to be whole and looked at Sabbath rest as our opportunity to restore the things that make us whole – things like loving God with all of our hearts, souls, strength and minds and loving our neighbors as ourselves? (Matthew, Mark and Luke as well as numerous other references) What if we spent time in daily conversations with God – whether we call that worship, prayer or meditation – and what if we did the things that nurtured God’s creation out of the love we experience  as a result of the love God lavishes on us? What if that’s what Sabbath rest is supposed to look like?

Maybe it’s just easier to call it a day…

Puppy collars, Jiminy Cricket and Choices…

06 Thursday Mar 2014

Posted by in choices, compassion, love

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IMG_0383Lucy, the puppy-girl, has a new training program. I resisted it until I fully realized that her behavior was preventing us from having friends visit us in our home. No one likes to be jumped on by a 50-pound dog! Additionally, I have replaced a rug and reupholstered a chair because Lucy likes to chew. I tried to justify these purchases by saying the chair and rug were old and needed to go away. But, the fact remained that my dog was running the household and our lives. She supposedly passed Puppy Training 1001 three times. I have the certificates to prove it! Although, each class had the philosophy that everyone gets a trophy on the last day, which offered no guarantee that important lessons were learned. Lucy was potty trained and could heel when we took her on take long, happy walks. But, her behavior at home wasn’t acceptable and didn’t seem to be getting any better. One trainer told us to ignore bad behavior and reward her when she did something good. I ran out of treats and she continued to terrorize our furniture and friends. Another trainer informed me Lucy saw herself as the alpha-dog and I simply wasn’t dominant enough. True! My natural style is to live and let live. Lucy spent much of her time in a crate and I crept around the house hoping she would think she was home alone making nap time her primary activity. My occasional tantrum did nothing to teach her proper manners. My arm remained her favorite chew-toy and my patience was thin.

The new program uses a small device that attaches to her collar. When I push a button, she gets a gentle reminder that what she is doing is unacceptable. I avoided this type of a system until I had the opportunity to hold a collar in my hand and feel the vibration she would experience when given a correction. It is gentle, as if someone is rapidly tapping her on the shoulder and encouraging her to focus on right behavior.

It reminds me of Pinocchio’s conscience, Jiminy Cricket. Pinocchio’s goal in life was to become a ‘real boy’ instead of a talking puppet. Yet, his world was full of seductive temptations and stumbling blocks designed to divert him from the right choices. Jiminy Cricket would jump in and tap him on the shoulder in an attempt to get his attention away from those things that prevented him from living the life he so longed for.

If I have a choice, I would prefer the persistent tap of Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder to the gentle reminder from Lucy’s collar. Suffice it to say, I could certainly use either. Maybe we all could. We are surrounded with an infinite number of choices. Some make little difference – like whether to have a latte or cappuccino. Who cares? It’s probably a more important choice to have skim milk over whole milk floating on my espresso, but there are those who would argue that point as well. I have a fairly strong opinion about the foods I eat and how they are produced. I want my chickens to have had the opportunity to live like a chicken was created to live. You know, pecking and scratching instead of existing in a cage so small there is no place to move around and stuffed so full of hormones that they grow at an unnatural rate. I want real fruits and vegetables, preferably organic to protect not only my health, but as a means to keep pesticides and herbicides out of the ground waters. These are choices about health and ecology.

But, there are the other choices that are important in another way. What difference does it make if I flip off the driver who sped up so I couldn’t get into the lane I needed? Worse yet, what if I am that driver who thinks I own the road? Those kinds of choices get to the heart of who I think I am and how I expect others to respond to me. In reality they are choices about compassion and where I see my place in humanity. Yes, driving manners seem to be low-level behaviors, but they certainly speak to responses that can ooze out of a person when it appears no one is looking.

Finally, there are the really big choices that we all hesitate to talk about except to our very best friends who are sworn to secrecy and will keep the promise of confidentiality because of where you have both been with each other over the years. These are the things that can be life altering – sometimes in a good way, and sometimes not.

By this time you get the point. Our choices come from so many places. They can come from past pains or joys; from intellectual parameters or creativity; from our experiences or our dreams; from our fears, our perceived inadequacies, or crazy attitudes about life and what it is supposed to offer to us and those around us. Ultimately, our choices can be jaded by responses to life’s experiences and opportunities or augmented by joys and successes. I guess it’s fair to say there is also a point in life when we could use a correction collar like Lucy’s or a nagging conscience like Pinocchio’s Jiminy Cricket…something to keep us on course when our options magnificently pull us away from all that is right and true and good.

The thing is, we have been given a barometer to weigh our choices against. The trendy expression “What would Jesus do?” frequently comes up in conversations about right choices. To fully appreciate this statement, one has to dig behind it to define how Jesus made his decisions. He didn’t have a laundry list of religious legalisms. Of course, he was Jewish and there was the Torah and all of the laws contained therein which spoke to human interactions and relationships.  Yet, he followed the preeminent theme of love and compassion even when his choice collided with the common interpretations of Torah as defined by his culture. Basically, his life taught us that when all else fails, try love and compassion. Actually, try them first so all else doesn’t need to fail!

I still want the nudge when society’s alluring message of what’s important rubs up against what love and compassion would have me do and I start leaning the wrong way. I will make mistakes, I will have successes and, ultimately, I will need a whole lot of forgiveness for those times when I really want to be right but am decidedly wrong.

Lucy’s collar is instrumental in teaching her manners and Pinocchio became a real boy. I am hopeful that when I remember to wear love and compassion as my correction collar or accept them as the nagging cricket on my shoulder, my choices will be the right ones.

Clutter, Decluttering and Lent…

27 Thursday Feb 2014

Posted by in Lent, meditation, spirituality

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Clutter is making the news these days. I could go on a serious rant about clutter in the media citing a plethora of reports about people or groups of people that have little to do with anything at all. For example, I don’t care which Hollywood-type spoiled young adult did something to stir a media feeding frenzy. Truly, I really don’t care except to rant that those types of articles clutter our media sources with so much similar meaningless ‘stuff’ that it’s hard to find the things that matter. But, that’s not the clutter the media has been reporting.

A recent national publication dedicated their entire March issue to clearing clutter from your life. All kinds of clutter was mentioned from something as trivial as a junk drawer stuffed with unidentifiable, yet saved, objects to the more serious issue of relationships that suck the life out of you rather than being restorative. A Sunday morning show presented a segment on hoarders, people who cannot throw anything away, including things like newspapers, magazines and old cereal boxes hoping that someday they will find a need for them. There are also those who are fundamentally mini-hoarders. They have what appear to be neat and tidy houses…just don’t open a closet door for fear their stashes of stuff will tumble shamelessly onto display when there is nothing to hold them back. The epitome of hoarding can be seen in the story of the Collyer brothers who lived in New York City in the early-1900’s. It was during the removal of 140-tons of collected chaos from their home that the body of one brother was found buried beneath a pile of newspapers and suitcases. He had been crushed while navigating through a tunnel of compiled debris and set off a booby trap they constructed to protect their obsessive treasures from potential thieves.

Clutter. I guess we all have it to an extent. Our preoccupation with abundance and consumerism influences our sense of how much is enough. The belief that if a little is good, more is better promotes a desire for copious amounts of possessions for some. Others collect and hoard in response to deprivation at another time in their lives. Still others are influenced by advertising campaigns or the desire to have what someone else has. Oops, doesn’t that sound something like ‘coveting’…something that got a spot on God’s top-10 list of rules for getting along? I know I digress, but that whole covet-thing could have been written more clearly if the tablets given to Moses said something like, “Just be happy with what you have. It’s not about the stuff!”

Garage sales are common this time of year. When our kids were little, I would drive them around town looking for other’s cast offs of cheap toys and children’s clothes. It helped to stretch our meager budget and it was an afternoon of entertainment for all of us. My perspective has changed over the years from visiting other’s sales to the realization I may need to have my own garage sale as a means to unload some of our clutter. It’s time to clean the closets, basement and attic. Additionally, the garage will need to be de-cluttered so we have a place to store treasures for said sale. Most years I manage to clean a closet or two, haul a carload of boxes and sacks to a donation site and forget the idea of a sale. It also means I neglect to clean the basement, attic or garage where things continue to indiscriminately multiply when I’m not looking. Clutter.

Clutter not only takes over our space, it steals our time. I had a conversation with a friend the other day about finding time to do the things that are important to us. So much of our definition of what’s important comes from the affirmation of those around us. Unfortunately, that affirmation tends to come from a cultural approach that endorses work and achievement to the detriment of taking care of one’s self. Necessities of life like sleep, exercise, and the occasional mani/pedi can be perceived as unimportant events that do nothing but steal our focus from what society deems important. Time for relationship building, particularly our relationship with God, can take a back seat to the presumed duty to acquire more, whether it is status, power, authority and/or the possessions that announce we have achieved some crazy level of lifetime success. Clutter.

I am intrigued by the concept of clutter, particularly as Lent approaches. Although spiritual disciplines are intended to be important practices throughout the year, Lent seems to shake us up enough to remember their value in daily life. We are reminded that fasting comes in many forms, not simply to abstain from eating for a meal or a day. Fasting, or giving something up, for Lent is a means to open our lives to something else, presumably something that strengthens our relationship to God. Yet, we live in a time of abundance. To give up just one thing when we are surrounded by so much seems silly not to mention disingenuous. Give up sugar? Fine, I’ll use honey. No more satellite news? Okay, there’s still the Wall Street Journal. Leave behind my coffee habit? Not on your life…but if I did, I could substitute tea or cocoa when craving a hot beverage. Ice cream? Yup, gelato or sorbet are perfect stand-ins. There is an adequate, if not exciting, replacement for almost everything negating the intended contemplation associated with fasting of any kind. Because of that, I am not going to focus on what I am giving up for the season. This year I am going to pause and give myself the gift of space.

To do so, I will need to make room by clearing out some clutter. The plan is to select one item each day of Lent that can be donated, recycled or thrown away. It is my intention to meditate on the selected item. What did it represent to me? Why was, or is, that important? What am I making room for by letting go of the item? Somedays it will be easy. I mean, how many coffee makers does one household need? Shall we talk about drawers filled with socks? Is there any reason to have a closet full of old pillows and blankets?

The hard days will be the ones when I attempt to clear the clutter from myself. Old hurts and frustrations fill spaces in the heart just as much as tangible objects can be crammed into living spaces. Emotional wounds affect how one receives compassion from another; fears affect the places one goes or the experiences and people one is open to; self-doubt and condemnation can keep one from living into their potential; and obsessing about foibles and problems can limit our ability to see the full glory of God’s love and presence in all that is. These things are the clutter that strangles the spirit by filling personal thoughts with negativity and pain until there is no space left for hopes and dreams.

The promise of Lent is that when we experience the darkest of dark; when we are absorbed with life’s issues whether they are big or small; when we find ourselves running faster and faster and getting no where; and when we are simply tired of stress or frustration or that nagging sore hip, Easter will come offering new life. Clearing the clutter gives us the space we need to recognize which direction we are being called by that which loves us beyond our wildest imagination and which direction is simply extending an enticing hand to pull us deeper into the abyss.

Spring, Life and the Coming of Lent…

21 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by in Lent, spirituality

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As I look beyond the remnants of winter’s smudges and stains on my window toward an ancient oak tree in the front yard, my excitement swells in response to the inevitable coming of spring. Yes, it’s almost time to get out the buckets and rags to clean said glass, but not quite yet. Grass is more prevalent than snow today. It might be for only a short time, but it is indeed a glorious sight! Buds on the trees and shrubs are becoming visible, like tiny goose bumps on fragile limbs.  Their expectant promise of bursting into blossoms and leaves instills hope and the anticipation of change. A stream of water from melting ice and snow lazily flows next to the curb, looking for a place to either create a magnificent puddle or disappear into the storm sewer drain. Lucy, the puppy-girl, bounds around the back yard, thrilled beyond belief as she finds toys that were previously hidden beneath drifts and are now revealed. Her muddy paws remind me that I need to keep a rag close to the door. I thoroughly share her excitement that instead of hard, cold ground we have patches of fragrant wet soil begging for seeds to find their way into them so new life can be established.

Spring. It isn’t here yet, but it doesn’t take much imagination to realize it is close.

It’s a curious thing to ponder the seasons. Winter offers us the opportunity to rest. It is such a joy to pull out a good book, light a fire in the fireplace, find a big blanket and spend the afternoon reading and sipping tea. A similar afternoon six months from now will come during a season that begs us to spend time walking, hiking, canoeing, gardening and experiencing God’s world outside the confines of our homes. Spring and fall let us know that we are approaching change much like a crescendo, or decrescendo, in music. Those seasons whisper to us that it’s coming…it’s coming…it’s coming. Fall slowly winds down the vivid life of summer into the stillness and quiet of winter. Spring wakes us slowly to newness and growth, hoping all the while that additional winter events don’t hit the snooze button, allowing spring to doze in and out of consciousness before it explodes with new life.

In like form the liturgical seasons give us the opportunity to experience God in different ways. We deepen our knowledge of God as we anticipate God’s presence in Advent, we met God in the person of Jesus during the Christmas season and we learn something about God’s plan and purpose for creation during Epiphany. The season of Lent leads us into a quiet time that encourages us to pull away from the routine of life and reflect on who we are in God’s world.

To do so, we have to quiet the voices around us that tell us we have to work harder; be better; do more; eat less; want more; get angry at; support this cause; dispute that cause; and generally run in circles all day trying to achieve whatever it is that our society and culture deem important. Who am I? Who was I created to be? How am I ever going to know, let alone figure it out in a mere 40 days of Lent? Sometimes it’s just easier to let life go on as it does and not confuse the issue with the results of contemplation. Yet, we know if we embrace the opportunity for rest and restoration that winter offers, we are ready for the new life of spring. In like manner, if we allow the season of Lent to wrap around us and guide us toward the hope of the next season, we will be able to get up on Easter morning knowing that we are walking into something new, wonderful and full of life.

You see, Lent is about reflection. It’s about cleaning the mirror so one can see clearly what is reflected back at them – the good stuff, as well as the warts and all that makes them who they are. And, it’s about piecing that knowledge together with what we know about God’s ways to recognize what parts of our lives need to continue as they are and what parts need tweaking.

I gave up shopping for Lent one year. A friend reminded me that Lent is not a diet, which made it completely acceptable in my mind to continue eating the traditionally eliminated vices of chocolate and desserts throughout the season. I had friends who gave up social networking or addictions to online news feeds. Others gave up television or attending parties. I felt like I had to give up something to symbolize my penitence. Shopping popped into my mind and nagged me until I gave in and signed up to avoid the mall. I could still grocery shop or purchase necessities like medications, everyday supplies and toiletries. I could not shop for clothes or frivolous household items. I really like to shop, particularly when moving from the drab colors of winter to the lively hues associated with spring. It would be a challenge to keep from buying adorable new sandals or filling a bag with fabulous seasonal home decorating accents.

The first week was embarrassing when people asked me what I gave up. I joked about being shallow or not having a transgression worse than shopping. However, by the time the season was over, I was able to clearly see the disproportionate place shopping absorbed in my life and that I needed to tame it. It wasn’t about the money I spent as much as it was about the power I allowed advertising and material things to control me. I was looking for comfort and acceptance…but I wasn’t looking in the right direction.

Lent, like winter, is a season that begs us to stop for a moment. Then, just as winter gives way to spring, Lent urges us to turn toward God and grasp the gift of hope. As we embrace the promise of spring, we are inspired to clear dead and decaying limbs and branches from the yard to make way for new plants and growth. Lent encourages us to do the same with our souls. What habits or behaviors do we need to remove from our lives completely and what things need nothing but a gentle tidying to make room for us to live in the world as God created for us to live in it?

To change directions and turn toward God is life giving. But, life can pull us in many directions making it difficult to know what direction is the right one to face. The beauty of giving something up for Lent offers us the opportunity to pause and open space in our lives for prayer and reflection, the contemplative practice that offers clarity regarding the direction one needs to turn to see the gift of new life.

Lent is coming. Will you take the challenge it offers to pause, reflect, turn and live?

On Being Still

15 Saturday Feb 2014

Posted by in meditation, spirituality

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imagesIt happened on a recent flight to visit my daughter. Understand, I am a white-knuckle, anxiety filled flyer. I have been known to play superstitious games with myself all the way from wearing, or not wearing, certain articles of clothing to practicing futile attempts at controlling any thoughts that I perceive to be inconsistent with plane staying in the air. I watch the flight attendants faces for any indication that there might be trouble. I listen for bumps and knocks that seem unusual to my untrained ears, finally realizing they can be different depending on one’s placement in the cabin. None of my tricks work as well as a glass of wine and ear buds blaring calming music intended to soothe my overly active brain.

It’s also important to know that I don’t swim.  I managed to fail beginning swimming at our local YMCA three times when I was a child. I love the ocean, but prefer to experience it from a lounge chair facing said water with plenty of sun and sand surrounding me. Mai tais are not optional. A boat is good, but only if life jackets are readily available…preferable on my body…and sharks are not part of the equation.

It should be said that my daughter lives in Hawaii. The quickest way to get to her is by air…problem #1. And, it’s an island, which means the flight spends a significant amount of time over water…problem #2. My rational brain knows that should the plane experience a tragic failure, it doesn’t matter if we are over land or water. The outcome will most likely be the same. My irrational brain is sure that it is a major miracle if we make it to our destination.

My daughter is an engineer. She tries to reassure me that aeronautical physics can be trusted. I get caught up in the concept that what appears to be nothing (air) is going to hold up an airplane, which by itself weighs a bazillion pounds before you add in the tonnage of hundreds of people in a variety of sizes and all of our assorted flip flops, shorts and swimwear. I hold onto the idea that multitudes of planes fly every day and to worry about only mine is arrogant. Then, I try not to worry about all of the other flights worldwide.

Like I said, it happened on a recent flight. I pulled my nose out of a book long enough to look out the window. I typically don’t want to busy myself with the visual of what 35,000 feet in the air looks like for fear of a panic event. But, when I actually opened the plastic window cover, took a deep breath and perused the view I had been missing, it was breathtaking! No, not in a scary-bad way. The view was beautiful beyond words, which should thrill the reader, as I won’t make a feeble attempt to describe it. Anyone who has ever flown and bothered to look beyond the interior of the plane knows what I mean. It was an angle of vision that the ancients only dreamed about, yet for a 21st Century citizen it is completely accessible if not somewhat routine. 35,000 feet? Nothing! Imagine the view from the moon! Our plane proceeded forward, calmly parting the clouds as we traveled at an amazing rate of speed.

It was then that my favorite mantra flowed through me: “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) No, I am not proficient at meditation. I am wired to think about everything and anything, which makes the art of clearing my thoughts to focus on simply one thing is nearly impossible for me. Yet, when I am suspended in a place where conflicting thoughts bounce around my skull like freshly launched pinballs, that statement does wonders to catch my attention and make my unproductive ruminations momentarily go away.

Let’s look at the entirety of Psalm 46. Biblical scholars classify this as a song of confidence or trust. The word ‘Selah’ appears three times. Although the contemporary meaning of the word ‘Selah’ is unknown, some think it is an ancient musical directive to pause and reflect on specific verses in a song. As you read the passage, know that the ancient writer described unbelievable chaos in terms that his/her contemporaries would understand. The response is always that God is sovereign, God is in control, and God is…

1God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change,
though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea;
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble with its tumult. Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of the city; it shall not be moved;
God will help it when the morning dawns.
6 The nations are in an uproar, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord;
see what desolations [solitude] he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow, and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God!
I am exalted among the nations,
I am exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

Unfortunately, we continue to find our security in things other than God. We feel safe and protected in a warm house with plenty of food and water. We feel accepted if we wear the right clothes, drive the right car or run with the right people. We feel secure as a nation if we have the biggest and most advanced technology and weapons. We rely on our government to keep us safe through laws that are designed to protect what we perceive as our basic rights. We trust that the mechanics that inspected the plane knew what they were doing and that the flight crew has our best interests at heart. These thoughts are reinforced every time we test them for truth and things turn out as we hoped they would. Yet, each of these things carries the question, “What if…?” What if the mechanic hates working for that particular airline? What if the government doesn’t see my basic rights the way I do? What if Iran develops a nuclear bomb and aims it in our direction? What if our business fails and we loose our home? What if our friends or the people we love leave us? Then what…then what…then what…? Anxiety prevails…

“Be still” isn’t a call to meditate or reflect. It’s a call to stop! Stop relying on yourself, creature comforts or others for that deep, down peace. All of those things are special and things to embrace as “good” in this life. But, Psalm 46 reminds us there is something beyond the things we can touch, see, hear, taste and feel. All things are of and from God, but God is more than all things. And, when we truly recognize that; when we internalize the belief that God is our strength and refuge; when we see God as our fortress we will experience what Paul so beautifully describes in Philippians 4:7 as, “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding…”

I felt it on that airplane. No, I wasn’t convinced that the plane would stay in the air because God loves me and would do what I want God to do. I felt a deep and comfortable peace knowing that God is always and everywhere and that no matter what happens, God will always be my strength and refuge. You see, when I remember that, I am inclined to be a kinder, gentler person, more willing to see others through eyes of compassion. Paul knew that, too. Philippians 4:7 continues with…”will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Jesus – God incarnate – who came to teach us who we are in God’s world.

I still worry about life in general, but when I remember to be still – to stop mindlessly spinning out of control – and know that God is, I find the calm and begin to see a world filled with beauty beyond my wildest imagination.

Pondering Paul, life and cooking on a snow-day…

05 Wednesday Feb 2014

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UnknownI love an occasional snow day. The operative word here is ‘occasional’, which is why this week has been so exciting and…well…fun! Being stuck at home becomes an opportunity to try new recipes, read and generally catch up on household tasks, although my first impulse on such a day is to go to my stack of cookbooks. This is no small event as my collection fills several shelves. I have attempted to purge the lesser-used volumes, only to find a favorite memory or recipe tucked deep within the pages making it nearly impossible to let them go. My favorites have become something like a journal with ballpoint scribbles filling the margins noting the changes I made in the original recipe to spice them up…or down…or make them creamier…or healthier…or simply to cast a bit of my own creativity on a simple item. I also noticed a significant number of my entries included nutritional counts depending on my diet of the year. Some notations focused on carbohydrate and protein counts; some a magical point system; and some simply calories. Each notation reminded me that I have spent much of my adult life trying to find the balance between my love of amazing foods and maintaining a reasonable weight for my height and build. For anyone nodding or smiling at this moment, you know exactly what I mean! I have had some long and interesting conflicts in this tug of war, yet foods, particularly if chocolate is involved, tend to dominate the contest. My name is Linda, and I am a foodie.

Admittedly, I also dabble in exercise. I have tried yoga, pilates, working with a personal trainer, running and strength training. I have joined clubs, bought DVD’s to use at home, worn pedometers and logged every activity from cleaning the bathroom to hiking several miles. If I am blatantly honest about my physical activity, I have to admit my motivation to work out is the anticipation of going face first into home baked bread slathered with fresh butter or a sinful dessert. There was even a summer when my mantra was “walking for wine” in an attempt to justify my vino-calories. The simple truth is my appetite for culinary delights tends to exceed my energy output. I know what I need to do. Seriously, I could write the next great diet and exercise book detailing what should be done. However, I struggle with doing the very thing that is considered to be good for me when faced with the temptation offered by a fabulous meal.

In his letter to the Romans, the Apostle Paul seems to get it when he said:

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15

Now, in all fairness, Paul was speaking of much more exciting and important things than diet and exercise. He was speaking about the Law, sin and our human nature. Yet, it seems to cover the little things as well as the big things. How often do we know on a conscious level what we need to do for our health – whether it is the health of our bodies, our minds or the health of our relationships – but find ourselves doing the very thing we know is contrary to our wisdom? It’s more than whether or not I should enjoy that mammoth snicker doodle with my afternoon coffee. It’s the snarky attitude I adopted when I didn’t want to buy yet another box of Girl Scout cookies from a ‘neighbor’ who popped out of nowhere. Or the gesture I offered to the person who stole the parking place I saw and intrinsically knew was meant for me. Or the…or the…or the…and the list goes on until I devour that cookie to soothe whatever guilt I feel for my bad attitude and behaviors knowing full well that it’s going to take more than a hike around the block to undo what I just did.

Yup, Paul, you got it right. “I do not understand my own actions.” So, so true much of the time! “I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” Well, not everything, but plenty to talk about. How, then, do I turn it around?

Paul also assures us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23). Yet, God loves us so much that nothing can separate us from God’s love. (Romans 8:38-39) To put this in perspective, Paul is essentially telling us that we are going to mess up and we are going to do things that we know are wrong. Each time we make a decision, and life certainly offers us a plethora of them, we are challenged to turn toward that which loves us unconditionally and away from something else. The more we turn toward goodness, the better we become at doing what Paul would identify as the things ‘I long to do’ and ‘not the very thing I hate’, ultimately radiating the love of the one who created us and loves us more than we can possibly imagine.

Paul gives us another clue about choosing our behaviors in Philippians 4:7-9:

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.

Isn’t peace what we continue to search for? Paul offers a beautiful litmus test for peace and doing the right thing:  is it true, honorable, just, pure, pleasing, commendable, excellence and worthy of praise?

As a young adult I would hear the advice to “count to 10” before reacting to another’s particularly noxious behaviors. The current trend is to ask, “will this matter in 10 minutes…10 days…or ten years?” I won’t remember said parking spot in 10 days, although my neighbor will undoubtedly remember that I snubbed her daughter’s cookie business for at least that amount of time. And the snicker doodle? Maybe I’ll break it into quarters and enjoy part of it today. Otherwise it will still make its presence known on my hips for the next ten years!

The reality of my prayer is that I am able to breathe deeply enough to keep the ‘rule of 10’ in mind as I respond to the land mines of life. And, in that breath, however long it takes, may I find enough peace to behave as if I am indeed a reflection of God’s love.

Lessons from a failed internet connection…

29 Wednesday Jan 2014

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ImageMy internet connection failed me today. It’s funny, but I felt lost and isolated. I went about a normal routine, but a corner of my mind remained focused on cyberspace. Was I missing something? The television news was exasperatingly slow compared to my usual computerized perusal of headlines and articles complete with links to items of interest and searches to answer the most trivial questions. Don’t even get me started on how many commercials invade my local channel or how many times the weather and traffic are repeated! I bake bread several times a week. While waiting for the dough to rise I tend to search email and social media sites to see what is going on with friends and family. This, too, was not to be part of my morning. Instead, my rise-time was spent cleaning and organizing a much-used kitchen cabinet, all the while being focused on how I was going to deal with the internet issue. A call to my provider would most likely be necessary, but I absolutely HATE how that scenario typically plays out. My subsequent procrastination led to a variety of activities subconsciously selected to avoid the inevitable conversation that would begin with “have you tried to restart your computer…” Good grief! Yes, and yes I checked the modem and yes I have power to my house…

The morning was actually quite productive, yet I carried my internet longings through all of it. 

When I did sit down to try my computer again, it was as if nothing had ever happened. Apparently the problem was with the provider, who rectified the situation without the need to hear from me. We can both be thankful for that! Past the computer restart, modem check and knowledge of power to the house I am a complete computer illiterate making trouble shooting challenging for all involved parties. 

However, as I ponder the morning there is a deeper message to dwell on. I mean, I was TOTALLY focused on something. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It had become part of me, motivating my thoughts, conversations and actions. Wait…what? It was as if on cue the words of the Apostle Paul put a proper perspective on my irritation. 

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ

Jesus for you.” Thessalonians 5: 16-17 (NRSV)

No, I did not interpret it to say it was God’s will that I stay off of the computer for the morning. To put this kind of inappropriate emphasis   on Paul’s statement causes us to think that everything that happens to us is “God’s will”, even if it is something ugly, rotten or horrible making God into something to hide from or avoid at all costs least some unimaginable consequence befall us. No one will ever convince me that is the action of the same God who created us, loves us and continually beacons us to turn towards him/her.

The strength of Paul’s statement is in the part about rejoicing, praying and giving thanks in all circumstances, for to do so is the will of God. You see, God doesn’t create our stuff. God’s will is that we allow God to walk with us as we navigate whatever life throws at us and that we deal with others out of love and compassion. In many ways it’s like my computer experience. Everything I did this morning was affected by my failing internet. As I said earlier, it affected my thoughts, conversation and actions. It became a part of me. What if I allowed God a similar position in my life? I mean, what if I was so focused on God that he/she affected all of my thoughts, conversations and actions? No, I am not advocating that we all memorize 23 significant scriptures so we can pull them out as needed in random conversations. Nor do I think we should throw around obvious quips about being blessed whenever a red light turns green as we approach it or a dreaded medical test comes back assuring us that we are healthy so we can blissfully go about life as we have always done confident that God is walking ahead of us to make sure the path is neat and straight.  There is nothing wrong with memorizing scripture or giving thanks, but the significance of walking with God throughout all the stuff of life is much deeper than that. It’s letting God become the core of our thoughts, conversations and actions. It’s the assurance Paul gives us that God is and no matter what happens in life, whether I cause it or I am a victim to it, I belong to God. 

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

It is with that knowledge that I can navigate this crazy thing called “life” rejoicing and giving thanks that something far more wonderful that I can ever imagine not only created me, but loves me simply for who I am. I don’t have to prove anything or look a certain way. I am loved. Even when I make a mess of things, I am loved. When I act like a spoiled toddler, I am loved. When I feel the weight of pain or sorrow or fatigue or despair, I am loved. Period.

That leaves us with the ‘pray without ceasing’ part of Paul’s message to the Thessalonians. Prayer is an interesting thing. We know how we teach children to pray. To get them to be still for any reason is difficult so we ask them to sit or kneel, fold their hands and close their eyes. Think about it, this positioning keeps them in one spot, limits their ability to poke the child next to them and removes visual stimulation so they can focus on their conversation with God. Unfortunately, carrying this narrow concept can limit our understanding of prayer by making it the official moment when one sits or kneels, folds their hands and closes their eyes. Do not misunderstand; there is a tremendous meditative quality to this type of prayer, however to utilize this as the only format for prayer would thwart anyone’s ability to accomplish the task of praying without ceasing. Prayer then becomes a spiritual burden that must be fit into life. Even monks must take time to eat, sleep and take on the necessary routines of the day. Prayer must fall into a broader category.

I believe that Paul called us to live as if God matters when he gave the instruction to pray without ceasing. Yes, prayer comes through rejoicing and thanking God. It comes through the humility we feel when we fully believe that God loves us through all of our complicated, messed up lives. It comes when we question what path we should take or why our most horrible fears came true. It comes when we stand in awe at the majesty of a mountain or a spectacular sunset as well as when we simply take the time to inhale the beauty of a rose. Prayer is recognizing God’s unfailing presence in all things and it’s allowing that knowledge to influence all of our thoughts, conversations and actions. 

When my computer problems took over my thought processes, I acted out of a disjointed, impatient, complaining frustration. How different my responses would be if I totally focused on God, or to phrase it another way, when I pray without ceasing. That prayer comes through study, conversations with friends, worship, meditation, devotions and simply carrying the knowledge of God’s presence with me throughout the day and through it I find I am slowly growing to depend on God and his/her ways rather than my own. 

“By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.” Galatians 5:22-23

 

 

Mirrors, deeds and MLK…

23 Thursday Jan 2014

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     Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “What are you doing for others?  Martin Luther King, Jr.

I finally got out the window spray and cleaned the mirror I use every morning. It’s a really cool mirror with magnification on one side and ‘normal’ on the other. Not only is it mounted on the wall at just my height, it is hard wired so I can flip the switch and light it up. The thing is, I liked it better before I cleaned it. Much like the effect of an airbrushed photo, the fine layer of dust muted my uneven skin tones, wrinkles and pores sending me blissfully into the world with an unrealistic modicum of perspective regarding my appearance as related to my chronological age. Ahhhh  – the joy of living in ignorance…

Ignorance is an interesting word. It refers to a lack of knowledge about something. I guess, like my mirror experience, that can be a good thing. But it can also be detrimental. I can wish all day long for health. But, if I am ignorant about the correlation between diet, exercise, relaxation, attitude and disease prevention, I will be ineffective in maximizing my body’s potential for longevity. There is some knowledge that we simply need to accept as our responsibility and not allow ignorance to blossom with the result of harm to others or ourselves.

Several years ago I was asked about the wording of The Confession of Sin used weekly in the Holy Eucharist. (Book of Common Prayer, p. 360) The confession begins with: Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word and deed by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. Most of us can point to a thing or two we have thought, said or done that was less than what might be considered a good thing. And, within that knowledge we can choose to ask for mercy or go on as if our behavior was either acceptable or it didn’t matter. The problem stemmed from the part of the confession that refers to the things we have left undone. There is only so much time! As it is, we must triage the demands of life so the important issues are taken care of. Does this mean that I’m not doing enough? What more can there be and if I have to ask, how can I be held accountable for something I don’t even know? Or am I responsible for something that didn’t make the cut for my time and attention? Certainly my ignorance of a situation shouldn’t be used against me!

There it is again…ignorance. Only this time it has to do with something far more serious than mirrors or healthy life practices. This time it has to do with the core of who we are as we live in this world created by the One who longs for the delight we will experience if we live as we were created to live.

The next line of the confession speaks to the nature of deeds and offers a hint toward answering the question: We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. What we have done is not loved God more than all that surrounds us. That’s hard! We are bombarded with some pretty cool stuff and awesome people! Sometimes God seems so distant that it’s easy to forget God is the essence of all goodness that we experience every minute of every day. Additionally, that part about not loving our neighbors as ourselves… I mean, I try! Maybe I missed someone’s birthday or didn’t send a note when they were in need of encouragement. Certainly I can get a free pass because I was busy with other important things! Maybe I didn’t know something was that necessary…maybe I was just ignorant…

Ignorance. There it is again. It is so easy to sit in the comfort of our own lives reassuring ourselves that we are good, or right, or entitled, or wronged, or justified, or unjustifiably accused or whatever it is that our hope or our rant for the day confirms. I have been known to become absorbed in the comments listed following online articles that can be viewed as either liberal or as conservative. The comments themselves are often diametrically opposed, yet the nature of the comments contain striking and unfortunate similarities. It’s as if like-minded people flock together to accuse the other side of being narrow-minded puppets of some crazy agenda that has nothing to do with the reality of either polarized opinion. Ultimately, neither side knows anything about the other, yet both seem to purport an in-depth knowledge of the other side and why they are simply wrong to think the way they think. Ignorance.

The more I learn about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the more convinced I am that he is someone I would invite to my fantasy dinner party. You know, the one where you get to ask whomever you would like to talk to from anytime in history. Dr. King’s insights into right living are profound and only surpassed by his ability to express them in easily understood phrases that invoke introspection and action.

It isn’t about who is right and who is wrong anymore than it should be about skin tone, gender or sexual orientation. It’s about what are you doing for others. Plain and simple. Do you love your neighbor as yourself? Are you looking at your own attitudes about others through the dingy haze of a dirty mirror or do you know what your prejudices and opinions really are? Do you know your neighbor or do you only know what you believe based on stereotypes and generalizations?

The confession then asks for mercy and acknowledges the desire to repent. To repent is to turn away from that which is wrong and keep moving further and further away from it. This is where we look to Jesus for perspective. You see, unlike most of us, Jesus didn’t base his compassion on judgment. The woman at the well didn’t need to change her life before Jesus spoke with her. The tax collector didn’t need to find another job before Jesus sat at his dinner table and shared a meal. He spoke with, learned about and accepted them just as they were in the complicated place life experiences designed for them. It was in the shelter of Christ’s love that they learned new ideas, opinions and ways of life.

You see, to love your neighbor as yourself is to learn about him or her so that we can begin to respond to their beliefs and motivation with sensitivity and understanding. It is also learning about yourself enough so that your own ignorance doesn’t get in the way.

John Newton summed it up in the first lines of Amazing Grace: 

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

It is when we open our hearts to learning about another, whether it is an individual or a culture, that we will begin to see – really see – their situation and subsequently we will be able to do what needs to be done with love.