Tag Archives: compassion

Marriage, Puppies, and Unconditional Love…

02 Friday May 2014

Posted by in compassion, human nature, love, marriage, spirituality

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

imagesRelationships can be pretty darn hard. After almost 3 decades of marriage, there are still days when I wonder what in the world my husband is thinking. Of course, even though I frequently choose not to admit it, he has similar thoughts about me. It is an interesting phenomenon to think about, particularly as the wedding-season is approaching. I mean, what do you tell young people as they look at you with starry eyes and ask the rhetorical question, “How do you make a marriage last?” The first thing I typically think is that I am being patronized because of my age. You know, ask the old queen an easy question so she can preserve whatever brainpower she has left. Then, my thoughts move to questioning the intent of the question. Is this soon-to-be young bride or groom seriously wondering about maintaining the health of their relationship or do they want reassurance that their partnership is special and immune from dissolving into frustration, arguing and potentially divorce?

There are many people I know, including my husband and myself, that have had what we now fondly refer to as our “starter marriages”. These unions began with optimism about what life should be after the I-do’s, but can’t withstand the realities that present themselves as life moves on. Some are doomed from the start simply because of unrealistic expectations. You know, things like, “It will be better when we are married,” or “I am ___ years old and it’s time for me to settle down”. Some marriages expire when one party or the other realizes they were in love with what they wanted the other person to be rather than to clearly see who they are. Still others end because our culture is not very good at making things work. There seems to be a belief that if a relationship is hard, it’s not meant to be.

Allow me to sidebar at this point. Some marriages are not meant to be! Substance and/or physical and emotional abuse are deal killers. When they occur, the relationship is over. There are some amazingly strong people who can rise beyond their behaviors and addictions with professional help. These individuals have my utmost respect.

So, what makes a marriage last? Go to any wedding shower and you will find sage advice woven into the conversation or, more obtrusively, written on cards that are presented with high hopes to the young couple. Honestly, to tell them to be open and honest at all times and to never go to bed angry sound good. But, how long do those virtues continue after the “I do’s”? “Open and honest” is well and good until the first bad haircut or the pants that actually do make one’s backside appear larger than normal. How about “open and honest” when the in-laws are coming for an extended visit? Or after making an expensive, special, time involved dinner that tastes like cardboard? How open should one actually be? Honesty is vital, but what happens when it falls in the category of being brutal?

Then we have the concept of never going to bed angry. Really? As if anything is actually accomplished in the midst of fatigue after a long, frustrating day when all one really wants to do is go to sleep? In theory, rest and sleep are better when stress is minimal, but the reality is there will be times when it takes more than a day or two to resolve some issues. That doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. It simply means there is something big in the way and it will take some pondering, soul searching, introspection, prayer and, possibly, professional help to come out on the other side of it. Like the other difficulties we face in life, these times can be catalysts for growth and deepening our understanding of who we are – both as individuals and as partners.

Again, what makes a marriage last? It took some years to figure this one out. The funny thing is, it is not as complicated as we try to make it. Maya Angelou phrased it beautifully in her famous quote:

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Herein lies the key. It’s not about the money or the children. It doesn’t matter if the house is big or small or if the car is new or old. Nor does it matter if one partner or the other travels 5 days a week or works long hours. What does matter is that in the midst of life, both people feel loved, nurtured, respected, appreciated and safe. I guess that’s where open and honest fit in. Beautiful words and gestures mean nothing if they aren’t believable. But, when they are backed up by complete honesty, they are cupid’s arrow to the heart. Love begins and renews itself over and over again.

The thing is, this mantra doesn’t work only in marriage. It is important in the workforce, at school, with our children or in any other interaction we have. We avoid the people who make us feel inferior, stupid, naive, or incapable, yet we migrate toward those who encourage, praise, admire or complement our actions. We long to be acceptable and accepted.

I think that’s why I love my dog so much. It doesn’t matter what mood I am in, how unorganized or crazy I feel, if I have dressed up for the day or if I am schlunking around the house in pajamas. She offers me the gift of unconditional love. Because of that, I can forget that she gnawed on the dining room rug, (it’s been replaced), or had her way with a little used chair, (the upholsterer is coming to pick it up one of these days). What I do remember is that she is always glad to see me and share her tail wags and puppy kisses.

You see, I believe God is the same way. God will love me always – in spite of my moods, my outbursts, and every personality wart that makes me…well, ME. To know and recognize God’s unconditional love allows me to chisel away at my more negative side and let the good shine through just a little more. God’s love makes me feel a little safer, a bit calmer…and the list goes on.

So, what about marriage? What makes a marriage last? In my opinion, the cryptic answer is embedded in knowing puppies, God and the wisdom of Maya Angelou.

Maybe we should expand on the statement, “I do” and make it “I do intend to make you feel loved, nurtured, respected, appreciated and safe every day of my life and if I don’t, I am counting on you to love me unconditionally until I do again.”

That should come right before, “And I promise to always pick up my socks.”

 

I’m done with Easter…

20 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by in Christianity, compassion, Easter, human nature, meditation, spirituality

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

imagesI am done with Easter! I should probably clarify that I am done with what seems to be some general beliefs about Easter.

First, there is the Easter that has been hijacked by consumerism. Discount and grocery store shelves are filled with chocolate candies wrapped in pastel colors…the same sweets that sported orange and black just a few months ago. Kitchen appliance and decor stores boast chicks, eggs and bunny-painted plates that seem to guarantee a fabulous Easter dinner, complete with perfect families and a stress free day…as if there is such a thing. Department stores and boutiques have their window mannequins decked out in floral dresses and seersucker suits. Hats are not only everywhere; they seem to be a mandatory purchase. We are bombarded with the consumer version of the holiday – complete with promises that if we buy just the right stuff, our Easter will be as magical as the moment when Mary Magdalene realized it wasn’t the gardener she was speaking to.

Then, there is the other Easter. You know the one where we are supposed to become joyful because Jesus died on a cross to atone for my sorry life and filter how I appear to God? Like, I am supposed to be glad that this perfect, amazing man who died a gruesome, painful death simply because of me…okay, and all the rest of humanity…came back to life and I am somehow supposed to trust the god that planned this horrific event that happened to his “beloved”? I mean, love a god that slaughters innocence? I know, I know…it’s about the resurrection not the crucifixion; yet somehow in this theological format the emphasis always ends up on the wrong event.

The thing is, there is an Easter that I not only believe in, it’s one that I can find embedded with joy, trust and love for God. It’s one that absolutely recognizes Christ’s death on the cross and His return to life. The difference is, the Easter I believe in also celebrates Christ’s life simply because it is through his life that he taught us how to live. It’s so obvious in the text of John 14: 6-12.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.” Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.” Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own; but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves. Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father.

Do you see it? Of course, it’s all about the semantics. Who hasn’t experienced a zealous Christian evangelist who preaches belief in Jesus is a pre-requisite for salvation by using this text? But, what is it we are supposed to believe? That there was a virgin birth? That God is so angry at humanity that only Christ can convince God not to turn his back on us forever? That if I follow a prescribed set of religious behaviors then I, too, can be saved? That God hates certain groups of people? That God is gender specific?

It seems to me that Jesus said it all and humanity spent the next couple of millennia not only defining what he meant, but making rules that have very little to do with the message of God’s love that Jesus preached and modeled through his life and ministry. In this passage from John, Jesus basically says, “Look at me. Look at how I love even those who others think are unlovable. Do you see how I was compassionate even with someone who everyone else hated? Someone who was outcast? Someone who was unclean? Someone who was alone, forgotten, crippled??? I spent time with tax collectors, women, social misfits, zealots, Pharisees and a whole litany of crazy, mixed-up people and enjoyed them all! And, you know what? To know me is to know my father. You see me, you know who I am and how I am excited about every single person I meet! Well guess what! God longs to know you, too! The thing is, God wants you to know God as he/she is…not the ogre humanity has made out of convoluted images of God. I am like God and God is like me. Isn’t that good news???!!!”

That said, I find it impossible to believe that God mandated Christ’s brutal, painful death. What I do find plausible is that certain groups saw Jesus as a threat to their power and authority. Others saw him as disruptive to their way of life. To maintain the order of life, as they knew it, Jesus had to go away. But, he wouldn’t! He continued to preach and teach God’s ways even when his own safety was threatened. He knew it was a matter of time and he attempted to prepare his followers for the day when he was gone. Jesus loved people, but understood the dark side of human nature well enough to know that his time was limited. Is that what God wanted or intended? I sincerely doubt it. I believe God wanted humanity to embrace the message Christ brought to them from God. That message showed people the “way” which was “truth” and offered “light” to the dangers of a life lived honoring wealth, power and authority. Jesus’s way showed humanity what it meant to live life as God created us all to live.

I often use the example of a toaster. It comes with an instruction booklet to let the owner know how to use it safely, limitations of its function and what to do if it isn’t working. The bottom line is, the toaster is designed to do certain things. If I decided to make pancakes in my toaster – not the pre-made frozen variety, but homemade buttermilk pancakes – I would create a horrible mess. My toaster would be dripping with batter, the heating elements would likely blow out, there would be the stench of burned goo, and I not only have to make other plans for breakfast, I would probably need to send my toaster in for repairs. A toaster is not made to make pancakes. However, if I make toast in my toaster, I will be happy with the results and my toaster won’t wear out quite as quickly. Maybe I’ll try to make a grilled cheese sandwich in it, or toast a frosted pastry. If I do, I again run the risk of damaging my toaster. If I keep expecting my toaster to do things that it was never intended to do, I might need to have someone show me how to properly use it. The engineer who designed it might come to help me. Most likely, I would get my tutorial from someone else who knew what the engineer intended in his/her design and could guide me along the way.

God lovingly created us and the world we live in. Throughout time God has attempted to hand us an owners manual. Take the 10 Commandments for example. They are a guide for living by loving God above all things and loving others as we love ourselves. When humanity had issues following the rules, God sent Jesus to show us what living as God designed us to live looked like. Jesus is the way…God’s way. Can anyone picture Jesus nailing someone to a cross? I can’t. Yet, to know Jesus is to know God. It doesn’t fit that God’s vengeance came in the form of murder. Killing unrighteous behavior with love, kindness, compassion and mercy is more likely.

You see, I believe that the crucifixion is a minor event in the fascinating story of God’s love. Even when humanity attempted to destroy God’s message of love and hope, God won. Jesus went to the tomb and on the third day…a day that should have found his body decaying and smelly, a day that the ancient culture would have identified as verification that he was really, REALLY dead…Jesus lived. Furthermore, he didn’t live to tell us that God was done with us and that the only reason he had to die was our fault for being such failures. He lived to tell humanity that, in Paul’s words, “…neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

Now, that’s an Easter I can get excited about! Alleluia!!!

 

Community Outrage and the game called “Mousetrap”…

14 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by in hate, human nature, Lenten Meditaion, love, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

ImageMy brother and I thoroughly enjoyed the game Mousetrap when we were children. So much so, I tracked it down for my kids when they were the right age. I think it’s still in the attic…somewhere. Which reminds me, I could certainly spend some quality time cleaning the attic…and basement…and garage…not to mention several closets. But, that’s a different topic for another time.

My recollection of Mousetrap came about this morning while I was brushing my teeth and thinking about my daily first cup of coffee. Those simple activities were overshadowed, however, by the sorrow clouding the morning. Snow, although unusual for this late in the spring, seemed entirely appropriate today. Its chilling presence was consistent with the knowledge that yet another shooting occurred and threw a community into unrelenting agony. This time an innocent adolescent, his grandfather and a woman were murdered simply because they were in buildings with Jewish ties. None of them were Jewish, by the way. Neither were many of the other people who were there. These buildings and the people who built and administered them welcomed everyone who came in peace to enjoy what they had to offer. Some came for the arts; some to work out or compete in friendly competitions; some were there for health care or retirement living. Their commonality? All are God’s children. Period. Plain and simple, yet it’s all that actually matters. Not their collective theology, ethnicity, socioeconomic level, favorite color or the kind of dog they happen to have. All of them – even the shooter.

Our game of Mousetrap consisted of building a simple machine designed to catch a mouse in the overly engineered Rube Goldberg fashion. Once the structure was completed, a series of amusing chain reactions – including an old boot kicking a ball which fell from a tower into a bathtub causing the tub to tip making the ball roll into a stick that caused a vibration making the trap fall – resulted in catching a mouse shaped marker on the game board. It was a silly, childhood game that taught us about cause and effect, much like building a domino structure. If everything lines up in the right way, one event will cause all of the tiles to methodically fall. The community of game pieces moved together…standing and falling through the course of events, interacting with each other as they careened toward their final movement.

Yesterday’s event was yet another in a series of violent attacks on groups of innocent people. The list is infinite. When did it start? When will it end? We try to blame guns, as if inanimate objects are capable of brainwashing the individuals in possession of them. Knives, pressure cookers, nails, fertilizer and a litany of everyday products have also been in the news as tools utilized in mass destruction. I suspect everything we know of can be used for either good or evil. Maybe it’s actually us – humanity – at the root of this epidemic of violence and slaughter. Maybe we have come to a place where we must scrutinize who we are and have become as a society to find a realistic blame and subsequent fix for these events.

Yesterday’s shooter is reported to be a retired Army veteran – a Green Beret, no less! This is a man who served during the turbulent era of Vietnam, peace demonstrations, and hippies. He spent the next decades absorbing himself with hate groups and the idea of white supremacy, although hate isn’t simply a factor of skin color nor does it mean caucasians have a corner on the hate market. But then, I digress again. The point is, what happened to him? What series of domino events tumbled through his life to bring him to this final, hellish event? How did hate replace the respect for liberty and freedom that he pledged to represented during his military career? Or, did his hate for people who looked and thought differently than he did motivate his actions even then?

You see, I believe that if we weep for the victims, we must also weep for the accused. Something is going on in our society that produces the perfect storm of hate, anger, hostility and warped idealism that nurtures the distorted perspective embraced by some that these actions are somehow appropriate. No, the average citizen doesn’t condone such cowardly violence. In spite of that, the frequency of these events is gaining momentum.

It brings me back to cause and effect. We live in a “live and let live” culture where “I’m okay and you’re okay”. We turn away from a neighbor who seems odd or weird and let them “do their own thing”. We find reasons for every behavior whether it’s a disability, a life event, a poor parent or a disadvantaged childhood. There is even a new condition called “affluenza” which the book Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic defines it as “a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more.” Seriously? Why not call it what it is? Greed! But, no, instead of burdening an individual with personal responsibility, we find reasons for inappropriate, unreasonable, wrong behaviors as if by giving someone excuses it will help them find a better way. This is nothing more than enabling some to continue to live as if nothing but their personal issues, beliefs and desires are the only things that matter. Unfortunately, self-absorbed conduct builds on itself. Most of the enabled will live relatively calm lives driven by their narcissistic tendencies. Others will grow increasingly dissatisfied with their perspective of what is wrong with the world. A few, when the dominos of their life experiences line up just right, will justify hideous actions as if they were doing the right thing.

Our response is to mourn the loss of innocent life and exterminate what we blame as the cause, whether it is a person or a thing. It is much more difficult to reflect on who we have become as a society that these heinous events continue to happen. Maybe we need to stop categorizing people with absurd generalizations that are intended to apply to the entire group whether we are referring to religion, politics, ethnicity, socioeconomics, school we attend and/or favorite flavor of ice cream. It’s as if the us-and-them mentality should be a rule for choosing our friends and targeting our enemies.

But, God had something else in mind for us. Jesus, who was betrayed by a friend and murdered by those who didn’t understand him and therefore hated him, never deviated from his message of compassion for all of humanity. It wasn’t limited to his religious tradition, his gender, his geographical home or his family. No, he didn’t condone poor behavior or chalk it up to the result of a difficult life. He stretched people to be all that they could be. He healed physical, emotional and behavioral scars through love and compassion and challenged those who were touched by him to live as he did loving and serving the world around him.

Hate, on the other hand, will eat away at someone until something awful happens. No, it won’t always be mass killings. But, we might do or say something that hurts another person so deeply that they begin to hate, too. Or, we might be the role model to a fragile mind that accepts our justification of prejudice towards a targeted group of others. The dominos start to set-up. The next person might influence another and pretty soon universal traits of an individual in a group become some sort of crazy factual norm. Like, my blond hair makes me intellectually inferior or my political views make me a hater. Neither of which are true. But, to the ‘other’ who doesn’t know me as a person, the generalizations become who I am in their mind and they hate me for it. Another domino…

I wonder about yesterday’s shooter, as I do the boy with a knife in Pennsylvania and the Boston Marathon bombers. I wonder about Judas and Pilate and Herod. I wonder about Mother Theresa and Francis of Assisi. I wonder about Hitler and Stalin. I wonder about my neighbors and what joys and pains they face. I wonder about hope and care and compassion and crime. I wonder about greed and responsibility and whether or not the frost tonight will affect the blooms of spring. Each of these things can become the cause and effect for good or for evil. When I turn the crank, will the mousetrap fall? Or will one slight alteration in the course of events change the outcome?

Our community is shocked and in mourning. May we rise up from this outrage with eyes so open that we recognize where we can change hate into something that looks a lot like love and compassion. As our arms open to those who grieve the loss of a loved one, may we also examine our own hearts to realize where we, too, bear responsibility for the atrocities we experience in life.

 

 

So… what about Monday?

05 Saturday Apr 2014

Posted by in choices, compassion, Lenten Meditaion, meditation, Sabbath, spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

Monday has many promises attached to it. Traditionally, it’s back-to-whatever-your-work-is day after the weekend.  It might be a job, school, work out routines, yard work, household chores, errands and the litany of things that keep us busy and, theoretically, our lives running smoothly. Well, maybe not smoothly…but running. You know, back to the ‘old grind’, vacation’s over and the longing for a quick week so once again we can enjoy the change of pace on the weekend. That is, if we allow our pace to change. I am referring to the weekends that are filled with athletic events, social gatherings, yard work, house work …wash the car, tidy the garage, sweep the walks and try somehow to finish all the things we didn’t seem to have time for during the work week. Before you know it, Monday’s sunrise forces us to peel our eyes open and grudgingly pull our bones out of bed. It’s easy to feel like a hamster chained to the spinning wheel of produce, accomplish and succeed.

We know that Sabbath rest is a time for us to say, “no” to routine tasks so we can drift into the things that restore our souls and our outlook on life. Worship is one of those things. Picnics, baseball games, gardening, family gatherings, long walks with the dog, and peaceful naps are too. Sabbath is about remembering who we are and Whose we are. It’s a time to remember the One who loves us more than we can ever imagine and, out of gratitude for that love, seeing the world around us as a place to enjoy and nurture. It’s a time to laugh with loved ones and friends. It’s a time for compassion for all of creation. It’s a time to put aside the pressures of the week and remember who and what is important. It’s a time to refresh and restore.

So…what about Monday? The New York Times has reported that more heart attacks happen on Mondays than any other day of the week…a day when we should actually feel ready to meet the challenges that come our way.

The problem with Monday is how we practice Sabbath rest. When my kids were young and played organized sports, they were told, “how you practice is how you play.” Imagine a coach teaching detailed soccer skills at practice in preparation for a tournament. Unfortunately, it’s a basketball tournament. Did the wrong skills become routine? Or, were they headed toward the wrong competition?

The transition between Sabbath and Monday isn’t much different. Sabbath is an opportunity to practice what it means to be human – the kind of human that God intentionally and lovingly created. It’s not about practicing religious legalisms that show nothing except that we know how to follow the rules of our denomination; rather it’s about living life as God longs for us to live it – loving God above all things and loving our neighbor are ourselves. We have scripture and the example of Christ’s life to show us what Sabbath looks like. The Gospels offer stories about Jesus spending his Sabbath laughing with friends, caring for the sick and needy, sharing a meal, extending a hand and offering hope to those who have none – even if those things looked like something that ‘shouldn’t’ be done by a good religious person on a day that’s set aside for Godly things. In all reality, what can be more Godly than showing and sharing compassion?

Our theoretical tournament starts on Monday morning. Do we play the way we practiced? Or do we walk into Monday forgetting our Sabbath lessons? Do we get out our claws and methodically use them to further our position on the corporate ladder? Or forget that we aren’t the only person using the road to get to work? Maybe we tie up the line in the grocery store because we forgot an item and ran back to get it? How about our use of household and laundry products that harm the earth? Ever get frustrated and kick the dog? Do we become so obsessed with our desire to produce that we forget what we supposedly spent time trying to remember just a day or two ago? You know – the whole compassion, caring, loving thing?

You see Monday should be about the game…the one God calls us to play. Yes, production at work is a reality and yes, chores can become mundane and boring. But, if we play the way we practice we will “focus on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, [we will] think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8) Our actions will then reflect that goodness.

If we neglect those amazing sabbath lessons, we run the risk of letting production and power guide our choices. Throw in a little envy for those who seem to have it better than we do, some contempt for those who we think have wronged us and a bit of prejudice and hostility for the things we think are wrong with the world and we have the perfect recipe for stress, anger and depression…the antithesis of God’s longing and hopes for us.

The thing is, it’s easy to get sucked into life as the world teaches it should be lived. So easy that unless we continuously practice sabbath rest, love and compassion we will fall into the abyss of life according to the gods of power, wealth and productivity.

Which life is on your game card? What will your practice be to prepare you for game-day?

Jesus calls to us in Matthew 11:29 as he says, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

My prayer is to practice the restorative and refocusing Sabbath rest found in living as Jesus calls us to live and to take that foundation with me as I play in this crazy tournament called life.

 

The death of a man…

22 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by in choices, compassion, hate, human nature, Lenten Meditaion, love, spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

I clearly recall the day I saw the gathering on the sidewalk. Several police officers were stationed on the opposite side of the street watching the men, women and children who held pickets splattered with messages depicting a belief that it is somehow God’s will for anyone who doesn’t fit within a narrow spectrum of behavior to die a horrible and painful death. Furthermore, if we show any love or compassion for their targeted population, we should share the same vengeful fate. Additionally, our national acceptance of all people is in jeopardy as proven when our military men and women die while defending, amongst other things, our right to speak as viciously as this famous group of people who erroneously call themselves a ‘church’, ‘believers in God’, and, I choke on the word, ‘Christians’.

It was all I could do to keep from driving onto the walkway to permanently silence them. How could they infect children with this distorted perception of God and how God feels about humanity? Children are born beautifully open to people of all colors, religions, sexual orientations, ethnicities, and abilities. They can only enter the box of prejudice with instruction from the adults they look up to. This group of adults damages the innocence of their children as they attacked people unknown to them, an attack generated simply because they did not share the group’s distorted religious beliefs. The day I saw them, they stood in front of a building that served Jewish believers on Saturday and offered Christian services on Sunday. It wasn’t their traditional venue of tormenting grieving families at military funerals; yet, it exemplified their perverted position that God sees life the way they see it.

Then it happened. Their patriarch and church founder died. His passing has permeated not only the news, but also clutters social media sites and seems to be the topic of choice for many, like myself, who write or preach about spiritual matters. I didn’t intend to write about his passing. But, it has been gnawing at me. The thing is, I like to think I’m not writing about his life; rather I am meditating on how his life has affected our society. The only significance I find in his life and death is in the overall goodness of society and the pervasive attitude that we must never stoop to his level of hate. News reports and social media comments share a general message of compassion for his family as they mourn their loss. A few have threatened to picket his funeral just as he did to others. But, each of these remarks have been met with reminders of a loving God and encouragement to show the family compassion. Even the church I mentioned above had a message in their signage asking for peace as he enters eternity.

What I see in all of this is God’s hand. God was in the crowds who created barriers at gravesides to protect grieving families from their venom. God is present in the goodness and peaceful wishes extended to his family as they grieve. God is in every heart that weeps for this man and the life he lived never knowing the love and grace God extends to all. God himself (herself?) probably weeps with intense sadness that this man, God’s beloved, never knew the joy God showered around him throughout his life. He only knew the deity of hate he created in his mind to support his fears and prejudices about people who were not like him.

The problem is, this man is not totally unlike us. His example is of a life lived without compassion. Yet, we have the potential to live in his world when it is convenient for us. We claim we would never teach a child to hate, but what are we doing to teach them to love? What do we teach them when we are angry with someone and rant about that person’s less desirable characteristics? What if those attributes include an ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or disabilities that the child transfers to all people with those traits? Further, we think we would never stand in the midst of another’s grief and shout scathing epitaphs about their loved one deserving to die. Yet, we might find ourselves unwilling to forgive someone who has wronged us and secretly hope they experience pain.

I like to think I live out of compassion for all of God’s creation. Yet, I am sure there are times when God shakes his (her) head at my choices. My prayer is that as I continue to navigate this crazy thing called “life”, I grow increasingly aware of God’s love and presence in all things…so aware that I have no choice but to make the right choice.

As for you Mr. Phelps, I believe in the power of God’s love. It is because of that belief, I pray you will rest in peace, finally knowing yourself as God’s beloved, fully aware of the pain your hate rendered and equally conscience of the incredible mercy God shared with you when God called you home.

Epilogue: The family of the man picketed again last night. On the other side of the street was a group of people with a single banner that read, “We are sorry for your loss.” Some hear God’s gentle nudge to meet hate with compassion and some are deafened by the noise of their own prejudice. Most of us fall somewhere in between…

Words, labels and understanding Sabbath rest…

16 Sunday Mar 2014

Posted by in compassion, Lenten Meditaion, meditation, Sabbath, spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , ,

UnknownWords matter. Really – they do. The words we choose tell a story far beyond the simple sentences we put them in. For example, the word ‘storm’ seems pretty straightforward. Who doesn’t know what a storm is? The general definition is a disturbance in the atmosphere. We typically think of wind and rain, maybe some lightening and thunder. It could include some hail, but basically, a storm is a storm…right? So, what if that storm is a winter storm? Yes, precipitation is still a factor, but scratch the hail, lightening and thunder. Okay, sometimes we have thunder snow, which means lightening and thunder happen with the snow. Then there are sand storms – if you live in a desert. You get the point. The understanding of the word ‘storm’ can be relative, depending on the general conditions and time of year in the given area.

“Bible” is the same way. We have the canon, which is one thing if you are Protestant and another thing if you are Catholic. We have numerous translations of the original text and only pieces of those initial manuscripts. Then, there is the whole discussion about who wrote it and how it was written. Like, did God guide the hand of the writers or did the writers attempt to write about the place where their lives rubbed up against influence from the Divine? Is it history or is it a compilation of stories to tell us something about who God is and who we are in God’s world?

Then, there is the whole God-thing. Who is God? Is he a judgmental ruler who watches and waits until we mess up so he can pounce on us with consequences? Or is God the essence of all goodness that longs for us to move in rhythm with him (or her…) throughout time?

I attended a study last week where several questions came up about the Sabbath and what it should mean to us in our 21st-century lives. I maintain that how one answers, “What is the Bible?” and “Who is God” will determine how one recognizes the Sabbath…as well as how one responds to most of the issues encountered in this crazy thing called “life”. Let’s look at this more fully.

In Mark 23, Jesus is found talking to the Pharisees. The discussion focuses on the Sabbath and what a person can do to please God – like, what does it mean to ‘keep the Sabbath’. Understand they had lists of rules that were designed to help people do what they perceived was right. Jesus used an example where King David broke not only Sabbath law, but also Levitical law when he and his soldiers were “hungry and in need of food”. They went into the temple on the Sabbath and ate bread that was reserved for the priests. Verse 27 states, “Then he said to them, ‘The Sabbath was made for humankind, and not humankind for the Sabbath.'”

Aside from the obvious discussion of Christ’s statement about the Sabbath, the questions arose, “Why was the bread only for the priests?” and “It sounds like they were starving (in need of food), so what were they supposed to do?” In reality, was the bread only for the priests because it was so holy that only seemingly holy men could eat it? Or was it only for the priests because it assured their daily sustenance? If we fast-forward to today, would we deny a starving person bread that had been blessed for the Eucharist if that was the only food available? Or would we feed them out of compassion and worry about replacing the ‘holy’ food later?

You see, how we define the Bible and God will affect how one responds to this dilemma.

I believe the Bible is holy and a set of writings by humanity throughout time attempting to let others know what a relationship with God looks like. However, what made perfect sense to the writer(s) of Torah becomes muddy as we read their script today. We can recite the words, but the essence of those words become complicated as we attempt to understand the culture and tradition within which they were written. Yet, we say the Bible is timeless and written for all generations, including now and those to come. Maybe there is something we are missing in the interpretation. I for one have certainly broken several laws that were important to the ancients. There are things in scripture about gold earrings and braids that our religious culture doesn’t deem important anymore. However, don’t even get me started on passages about slavery and the right way to treat a slave! To condone human ownership, let alone attempt to claim it is Biblical is cause for me to break a few more of the ancient rules…the silence of women being a trivial start.

The point is, to embrace scripture and what it says to us today must be something other than literal interpretation. If the intent is to let others throughout time know what a relationship with God looks like, then the importance has to be in understanding who God is.

That’s where Jesus comes in. If we believe, as the ancient writers told us, that Jesus is God in human form, then to understand the words and actions of Jesus is to get an idea of what our relationship with God should look like. Jesus loved people…all kinds of people. His list of friends included crazy people, tax collectors, fishermen, shepherds, women, wealthy, poor, widows, children, prostitutes, Romans, gentiles…have I missed anyone? The point is, Jesus found beauty and acceptance in everyone.

In her book, “The Friendship of Women”, Joan Chittister, a Benedictine nun, stated, “…once we are loved we have an obligation to live as best we can.” (p. XIII)

To put this in perspective, think of the woman who was to be stoned for adultery. (John 8:1-11) Jesus told her to go and sin no more. My guess is, she was so grateful for his compassion that she did exactly what he said. I suppose this is where we could go on another tangent about what exactly we mean when we use the word “sin”. Suffice it to say, I have to believe she went back to her life and lived out the tenderness that had been offered to her. She was loved by Him and responded to that love by sharing compassion with others.

That brings us back to the Sabbath. What does it mean to keep the Sabbath and how do we respond to the part where scripture informs us we will loose our friends and die if we don’t. (Exodus 31:1-15) We tend to ignore that part when Sunday rolls around. No, we don’t have to worry about our community stoning us if we prepare a meal on Sunday or walk more than 500 steps. But, we have also moved pretty far away from understanding why God insisted we recognize the Sabbath.

You see, we are created in God’s image. (Genesis 1:27) God wildly created for six periods of time, referred to as ‘days’ in the ancient writings. I have visions of a sculptor that chisels and taps in a frenzy of creative activity allowing little time for rest, food or friends until he stands back to say, “It is good” and sits down to enjoy his work, maybe with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Maybe he calls out to a friend or two to come and see what he’s done, pours tea into their cups and pulls out the canister of biscuits along with some cheese to augment their time together. They talk and laugh, sharing the moment. Then, after they all go home, the artist decides to lie in his hammock with a comfy quilt and rest. The next day, when he is feeling restored, he walks amongst his friends and enjoys their company; he nurtures them when they are enduring troubles, he laughs with them when they are amused and even pops out a miracle or several like turning water into wine.

You see, God knows how important it is for us to rest, to take time to restore our souls and to nurture our relationships…for without these things we will surely die. Because we are human and cannot understand all of God’s ways, we have made the Sabbath into a day complete with laws that define what rest should look like. Jesus reminded us that life happens, even on the Sabbath. Someone gets hungry…someone needs healing…someone needs our love and compassion.

You see, to believe that God needs us to focus on adoration for God and nothing else for an entire day every week is to ignore God’s love for all of creation. On the flip side, to ignore our need for rest is to forget who created us. It can get pretty tricky if we try to put Sabbath in a box of legalisms.

What if we took to heart that God longs for us to be whole and looked at Sabbath rest as our opportunity to restore the things that make us whole – things like loving God with all of our hearts, souls, strength and minds and loving our neighbors as ourselves? (Matthew, Mark and Luke as well as numerous other references) What if we spent time in daily conversations with God – whether we call that worship, prayer or meditation – and what if we did the things that nurtured God’s creation out of the love we experience  as a result of the love God lavishes on us? What if that’s what Sabbath rest is supposed to look like?

Maybe it’s just easier to call it a day…

Puppy collars, Jiminy Cricket and Choices…

06 Thursday Mar 2014

Posted by in choices, compassion, love

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , ,

IMG_0383Lucy, the puppy-girl, has a new training program. I resisted it until I fully realized that her behavior was preventing us from having friends visit us in our home. No one likes to be jumped on by a 50-pound dog! Additionally, I have replaced a rug and reupholstered a chair because Lucy likes to chew. I tried to justify these purchases by saying the chair and rug were old and needed to go away. But, the fact remained that my dog was running the household and our lives. She supposedly passed Puppy Training 1001 three times. I have the certificates to prove it! Although, each class had the philosophy that everyone gets a trophy on the last day, which offered no guarantee that important lessons were learned. Lucy was potty trained and could heel when we took her on take long, happy walks. But, her behavior at home wasn’t acceptable and didn’t seem to be getting any better. One trainer told us to ignore bad behavior and reward her when she did something good. I ran out of treats and she continued to terrorize our furniture and friends. Another trainer informed me Lucy saw herself as the alpha-dog and I simply wasn’t dominant enough. True! My natural style is to live and let live. Lucy spent much of her time in a crate and I crept around the house hoping she would think she was home alone making nap time her primary activity. My occasional tantrum did nothing to teach her proper manners. My arm remained her favorite chew-toy and my patience was thin.

The new program uses a small device that attaches to her collar. When I push a button, she gets a gentle reminder that what she is doing is unacceptable. I avoided this type of a system until I had the opportunity to hold a collar in my hand and feel the vibration she would experience when given a correction. It is gentle, as if someone is rapidly tapping her on the shoulder and encouraging her to focus on right behavior.

It reminds me of Pinocchio’s conscience, Jiminy Cricket. Pinocchio’s goal in life was to become a ‘real boy’ instead of a talking puppet. Yet, his world was full of seductive temptations and stumbling blocks designed to divert him from the right choices. Jiminy Cricket would jump in and tap him on the shoulder in an attempt to get his attention away from those things that prevented him from living the life he so longed for.

If I have a choice, I would prefer the persistent tap of Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder to the gentle reminder from Lucy’s collar. Suffice it to say, I could certainly use either. Maybe we all could. We are surrounded with an infinite number of choices. Some make little difference – like whether to have a latte or cappuccino. Who cares? It’s probably a more important choice to have skim milk over whole milk floating on my espresso, but there are those who would argue that point as well. I have a fairly strong opinion about the foods I eat and how they are produced. I want my chickens to have had the opportunity to live like a chicken was created to live. You know, pecking and scratching instead of existing in a cage so small there is no place to move around and stuffed so full of hormones that they grow at an unnatural rate. I want real fruits and vegetables, preferably organic to protect not only my health, but as a means to keep pesticides and herbicides out of the ground waters. These are choices about health and ecology.

But, there are the other choices that are important in another way. What difference does it make if I flip off the driver who sped up so I couldn’t get into the lane I needed? Worse yet, what if I am that driver who thinks I own the road? Those kinds of choices get to the heart of who I think I am and how I expect others to respond to me. In reality they are choices about compassion and where I see my place in humanity. Yes, driving manners seem to be low-level behaviors, but they certainly speak to responses that can ooze out of a person when it appears no one is looking.

Finally, there are the really big choices that we all hesitate to talk about except to our very best friends who are sworn to secrecy and will keep the promise of confidentiality because of where you have both been with each other over the years. These are the things that can be life altering – sometimes in a good way, and sometimes not.

By this time you get the point. Our choices come from so many places. They can come from past pains or joys; from intellectual parameters or creativity; from our experiences or our dreams; from our fears, our perceived inadequacies, or crazy attitudes about life and what it is supposed to offer to us and those around us. Ultimately, our choices can be jaded by responses to life’s experiences and opportunities or augmented by joys and successes. I guess it’s fair to say there is also a point in life when we could use a correction collar like Lucy’s or a nagging conscience like Pinocchio’s Jiminy Cricket…something to keep us on course when our options magnificently pull us away from all that is right and true and good.

The thing is, we have been given a barometer to weigh our choices against. The trendy expression “What would Jesus do?” frequently comes up in conversations about right choices. To fully appreciate this statement, one has to dig behind it to define how Jesus made his decisions. He didn’t have a laundry list of religious legalisms. Of course, he was Jewish and there was the Torah and all of the laws contained therein which spoke to human interactions and relationships.  Yet, he followed the preeminent theme of love and compassion even when his choice collided with the common interpretations of Torah as defined by his culture. Basically, his life taught us that when all else fails, try love and compassion. Actually, try them first so all else doesn’t need to fail!

I still want the nudge when society’s alluring message of what’s important rubs up against what love and compassion would have me do and I start leaning the wrong way. I will make mistakes, I will have successes and, ultimately, I will need a whole lot of forgiveness for those times when I really want to be right but am decidedly wrong.

Lucy’s collar is instrumental in teaching her manners and Pinocchio became a real boy. I am hopeful that when I remember to wear love and compassion as my correction collar or accept them as the nagging cricket on my shoulder, my choices will be the right ones.