Category Archives: human nature

On humility and arrogance and pizza crust…

16 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by in human nature, love, relationships, Responsibility, spirituality, Uncategorized

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imagesIt is actually quite fascinating to research the word “humility”. The definition ranges anywhere from a secular notion of being shy and timid to a theological perspective of understanding one’s self in relation to creation. Maybe that’s why the word is seldom used in conversation. It’s hard to know what meaning to assign to it!

Arrogance is quite the opposite. Definitions vary slightly in wording, but the general concept is someone who believes they are better, smarter or more important than another individual. Ouch! Who hasn’t fallen in this category at some time or another? Unfortunately, we live in a culture that advocates such self-promoting attitudes. Whose parent hasn’t bragged about one’s athletic, dance, acting and/or musical abilities or intellectual successes as something that makes them some how superior to others? You see, it was difficult to decide what word to use there. “Whose parent…” puts the emphasis on the offspring who grow up believing they are better or smarter and ultimately more important than the unfortunate kid down the block, in another school, from the wrong part of town, or cursed with the wrong family. If I had said, “What parent…” the responsibility for the better, smarter, more important attitude belongs to the supposed adult in the situation. Either way, arrogance is not only learned, but it is often supported by the words or modeled behavior of those in authority around us as the good and normal way to see the world.

Wait! What!?! Where did the “see the world” part come from? Isn’t that a stretch from “better, smarter and more important?” Nope. It is the direct result of how one sees oneself. Like, what eyes are you looking through? What is the lens of your worldview? How do you see yourself, whether its based on gender, race, skills and talents, a bulging bank account, or a myriad of other criteria, compared to others?

We have a lot of words ending in “ism” that speak to worldview…racism, socialism, communism, fascism, absolutism, illusionism, separatism, capitalism, consumerism, monotheism, pacifism, narcissism, and the list goes on. The problem is, we either cling to our “ism” for the exclusive group we think it allows us to belong to and where that puts us in relation to the rest of humanity, or we resent the “ism” because it categorizes us in a way we perceive as negative and not good enough when compared to the next guy. Either way, we tend to think our “ism” is the result of our being better, smarter and more important…than the others around us. That, my friends, is arrogance – a condition we all share to a certain degree.

As I am writing this, I am making pizza crusts. I make exceptionally good pizza crust. They aren’t the best pizza crusts ever, but they are definitely in the awesome category. I use a sourdough recipe that I also use for baguettes. By replacing some of the white flower with whole wheat, pumpernickel or cornmeal, I can make a variety of breads or bagels. Adding nuts, spices, herbs or dried fruit increases the number of possibilities from simple pizza crust and baguettes to seasonal, ethnic or artisan breads, rolls, pastries, and crackers. You see, to limit the life of my sourdough to pizza crust would prevent experiencing so many remarkable flavors – flavors that speak to emotions in indescribable ways. The butter dripping from a piece of limpa rye reminds me of my Scandinavian ancestors while a week old dry crust reminds me that not everyone has access to fresh, healthy food and water. Additionally, recognizing that others are incredibly gifted with wonderful abilities doesn’t negate the fact that my pizza crust is really, really good; rather it reminds me that others are equally adept at the things they are good at and if we all work together we can make a pretty spectacular meal, incorporating that which we all have to offer while not being limited to or by any one set of talents.

The Apostle Paul said it much more clearly in Romans 12:3-8

 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and not all the members have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members one of another. We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us: prophecy, in proportion to faith; ministry, in ministering; the teacher, in teaching; the exhorter, in exhortation; the giver, in generosity; the leader, in diligence; the compassionate, in cheerfulness.

You see, arrogance causes us to forget we are part of something bigger than we are. It limits our ability to see the gifts and talents of those around us, denying us all the opportunity to live and grow together.

Which brings us back to humility. To be shy and timid isn’t the same as being humble, or living with humility. Neither is humility the act of self-deprecation. These traits can actually prevent one from living into the gifts and talents Paul spoke of. Rather, to live humbly…or to live with humility…is to recognize the amazing gifts and talents God has given not only to you but also to others and to celebrate these gifts as necessary parts for the wholeness of living. In the Gospels Christ taught us both verbally and through living his life what whole living looks like – to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind and to love our neighbor as ourselves. To love God means that we not only love God, but we also love all of the sons and daughters who, like us, have been carefully designed by God to complete a piece of the wholeness of creation.

We aren’t created to be better, smarter or more important than anyone or anything. We must remember who we are and Whose we are. Eugene Peterson’s translation of Micah 6:8 in The Message states it well:

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously—
take God seriously.

Humility…the art of recognizing ones place in creation. Our challenge is to live into the essence of who we were created to be while remembering that every person who has ever lived, who is living now or who is to come is just as special to God as we are. Arrogance limits how we see others and ourselves. We can only find the freedom to live wholly and completely in humility.

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Responsibility and our ability to respond…

02 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by in choices, Christianity, compassion, human nature, love, Responsibility

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One of the greatest gifts we can give to the next generation is the art of being responsible citizens. Okay…easy enough to say, but in actuality, what does it mean? I guess we could talk about financial independence, but we all know there are times when life happens in spite of our best efforts to plan ahead. We might think the conversation should be about relationships and how to make them work. Unfortunately, it takes more than one person’s behavior for relational success. If we teach our children to get along no matter what, we are setting them up to be doormats. Conversely, if we teach them to always stand up for themselves, we are guiding them into a life filled with frustration or one spent alone simply because they lack the capacity to listen to a perspective foreign to their own.  Maybe a responsible citizen has an amazing job that fulfills their passion in life…until the corporation makes necessary cuts and the job no longer exists. What if we encourage a college degree – or several – and employment for professionals in their field declines faster than the need for slide rules, pocket protectors and 8 track tapes? 

Life doesn’t always happen the way we expect or want it to. That can be a good thing! Surprising events, twists and turns can lead to fabulous adventures we couldn’t begin to imagine. They can also freeze us in a place we never expected to be in and don’t know how to navigate. Yet, as rhythmically as day follows night, we find we must move through the interesting and/or lousy times…with responsibility.

The English language is a crazy thing. Like, who decides when to use an “i” rather than an ‘a’? You know, if the “bile” in responsible just had an “a” instead of the “i” it might be easier to understand. We can wrap our brains around someone being response-able much easier than define what responsible means in general terms. It’s much the same with responsibility and response-ability. The hyphenated words that use the letter “a” call us to recognize when a situation needs our active response. It becomes a statement of “I recognize something needs to be done about a situation”; followed by “What can I to do?” It propels the “response” words into a place where importance is placed on seeing a need and taking action to affect whatever it is that seems to stand in the way of improving said issue.

In all reality, it’s about recognizing when a response is needed and how we decide what that response might look like. This is where a thorough understanding of Christ’s message to us in the Gospels is important. You see, our purely human response to life’s issues can come from a place of frustration, pain, envy, craving for abundance, anger, laziness, and a litany of other less than optimal emotions. Jesus’ days were spent embodying and modeling a response pattern that covered all situations. Everything he did was done out of love, compassion, justice and mercy. 

Let me digress for a moment here. The unfortunate consequence of Bible study and Bible knowledge is that we think there are rules for how to respond, counsel, interact and even party. Some might refer to them as legalisms as defined by the church. But, isn’t it odd that all Christian churches use the same Gospel messages yet they have different rules for living? I mean, some churches ordain women and some won’t even let them pass a plate for the offering; some churches believe the way to control the masses is to excommunicate those who have blatantly ‘sinned’ while others embrace the person as they navigate a difficult time; some have rules about clothing, facial hair, jewelry and entertainment like dancing, movies and gambling while others find these to be unimportant sidebars on the faith walk; and some insist the Eucharist must include a good red wine while others mandate the use of grape juice. There are so many “rules” derived from the same ancient text that it makes scripture messy and difficult to understand. Maybe we are focused on the wrong things.

I attended a conservative seminary. Of course smoking was on the list of “sinful” behaviors. Being an older, somewhat seasoned and irreverent student, I asked one of the young-pups about the smoking rule. No, I don’t smoke, but I was curious why this particular activity was considered sinful. Sin is a pretty big deal in all world religions and we must be careful how we throw the word and concept around.  He carefully explained to me that smoking is bad for your body and, after all, your body is the Lord’s temple. I asked him when he last consumed fast food or denied himself a full night’s sleep. As he walked away with a perplexed expression, I wondered if it was because of my apparent thick headedness or because he suddenly realized sin, like life, doesn’t come in shades of black and white. Legalisms can be followed to the letter and still be the absolute wrong thing to do. We have to think in terms of why we do what we do. What is our intent…or, to use some theological jargon, what is the intention of the heart? Like Jesus, our actions must be framed in love, compassion, justice and mercy. The right-looking thing done for the wrong heartfelt intentions has nothing to do with Christ’s Gospel message just as defiance against church rules is a Christian response when those rules preempt the ability to act out of love, compassion, justice and mercy. 

This brings us back to responsible and responsibility. How we respond will depend on the situation in question. Then, we must determine if we are able to response and what response is right. 

Personally, I would do well with God sending me a text message, a quick email or even a loud directive through a bullhorn when I am compelled to respond to something. Instead, God has given us scripture and the loving and living example of Christ’s walk among us. God’s call to me is to pause, remember who I am and Whose I am as well as remember God created all things and all people – even the ones I erroneously think might have been a big mistake with a capitol “B” – and because God is the creator of all, I am to treat all with love, compassion, justice and mercy. Period. One piece without the other three doesn’t work. They must be in balance. With love, compassion, justice and mercy as our lens we will see that which requires our response, we will determine whether or not we are able to respond and we will respond within our own unique talents and ability.  

In Isaiah 6:8 God asks the question, “Who shall I send. Isaiah’s response was “Here am I, Lord. Send me.” 

I love his response! It’s plain, simple, to the point. What if we were all so willing to respond? Further, imagine what this crazy planet would look like if we used Christ’s model of love, compassion, justice and mercy as our guide while navigating life in God’s world, keeping it at our core as we determine our personal response-ability as a response-able person? 

Imagine…

 

Sabbath rules and chocolate cake…

22 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by in Christianity, compassion, human nature, love, relationships, Sabbath, spirituality

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imagesThe concept of Sabbath rest has all but disappeared. Maybe it’s our fast-paced culture with competitive deadlines for everything from work goals and preparations to how many times we work out in a week to when the youngest child is officially potty trained and at what age our children learn to read, play the piano, get admitted to college…with a full ride scholarship…or create the next Nobel prize winning solution for sustainable energy. We jump on the treadmill of life and think we are riding it to fulfillment. Yet, something seems to be missing. Maybe we just need to try harder – one more class, one more private lesson, one more camp, lecture, hour at work, pound lost, and the list goes on to infinitude…another purse, a new car, membership at the club, a promotion, partnership…

There doesn’t seem to be time to rest!

Another group of people become enslaved by something they call Sabbath. It begins with some form of worship, which is good! The problem is, it threads through a day governed with “you must not” decrees. “You must not work.” “You must not play sports.” “You must not shop.” “You must not cook, clean, mow the lawn or wash the car.” Troubling questions about the “you must not’s” include, if I go to dinner at a restaurant, am I forcing someone else to sin because it means they are working on the Sabbath? Or, what do I tell my son or daughter’s soccer team when they have a game or, worse yet, a tournament on the Sabbath? What if the Sabbath is the only day of the week I have to run errands, buy groceries, do laundry and plan for the upcoming week? What if I have to work on the Sabbath? It’s as if the religious rules for the Sabbath squelch emotional relaxation rather than secure the intended outcome of renewing and refreshing human life.

The problem might be in how we recognize and practice Sabbath rest.

Mark 2:27-28 has been batted around for years as a key to understanding what the Sabbath is all about.

Then he said to them, ‘The Sabbath was made for humankind, and not humankind for the sabbath; so the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.’

It’s all good until the last part. At face value, it sounds like we can do whatever we want to do on the Sabbath because it’s made for humankind! But, like much of scripture, it becomes a bit naggy and hard to understand. What does it mean to say “the Son of Man is Lord…even of the Sabbath?” The key can be found in the verses right before, where the Christ and the disciples glean some grain from a field because they were hungry, and the verses following when Christ healed a man’s withered hand. So what gives with that? We can garden and heal on the Sabbath? But nothing else? Jesus, lord of the Sabbath, let us know that stuff happens…even on the Sabbath…and deep human compassion comes before human devised strict rules

Maybe if we go back to the instructions given to the Israelites in Exodus 20:8 about the Sabbath we can find another clue.

Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it.

Yes, this is the 4th of the 10 Commandments. It is a bridge between the first 3, which speak about our relationship with God and the final 6 which guide us in family, business, neighbor, friend and all human relationships. There is something here…something that is essential for living as God created us to live in the world that God created for us to live in.

Tripping even further back in scripture we find the stories of creation in Genesis 1:1-2:3, which narrates a 7-day account of creation, and Genesis 2:4-25, which focuses on humanity’s creation. Keep in mind; these are creation stories – not historical accounts. They were designed to let the listeners or readers know that God created the earth, plants, animals and people. God saw that all these things were good and then sat back and rested after such frenzied activity.

So, where does that leave us in our 21st century lives?

Sometimes we simply have to take a break from the routine of life. It doesn’t matter if it’s a job or something fun – we need a break from it. That break time has a purpose. Some of that time should be spent in meditation, worship, prayer or whatever it is that keeps us mindful that God is here, with us, alive and present in all things. Read that again…here, with us, alive and present in all things. God isn’t distant and contained in some ambiguous place above the clouds. God is here, with us, alive and present in all things. When we pause, we need to recognize and celebrate that presence in each other, in nature, in our pets, our employees, our bosses, our teammates, our neighbors, our relatives and our own hearts. It’s looking at the pause as time to remember and find ways to enact the entirety of the 10 Commandments as loving God above all things and our neighbor as ourselves. Whose are we and how do we live once we embrace God (Jesus) as Lord?

Okay, it can all seem like theological rhetoric, but what does the Sabbath pause actually mean in our lives today?

Everything, even the good stuff, can get old if we saturate our lives with it. I call it the chocolate cake theory simply because I LOVE chocolate cake. However, if I ate chocolate cake every day it would become routine and unappreciated; dull and somewhat boring. I could dress it up with ice cream, which would make it appealing for a day or two. Or, add a ganache topping, some whipped cream and a cherry. I can keep busy making my chocolate cake better and better with more and more and more…or I could pause and remember why I like chocolate cake. You see, for me chocolate cake reminds me of being a child and enjoying a family celebration. I remember rooms filled with love and laughter as family members shared stories and the rich history of who we are and from whom we came from. It is those kinds of memories that thread through and impact all that we do if we simply take the time to reflect and remember. When we forget to pause, we go on autopilot and forget the essence of why we do what we do…the who we are and Whose we are concept.

I can certainly go back to chocolate cake after the pause, but maybe this time I will see it differently. I might share it with someone who needs a gentle bit of encouragement or who is grieving a loss. Maybe I’ll share it with a friend who is celebrating a wonderful event. I might take a piece to the neighbor who is alone and struggling with life. You see, the memories of why I love chocolate cake become as important as the cake itself, but only if I take the time to remember.

I don’t know if it is right or wrong to work, shop, or play sports on the sabbath. I do know if we pause and remember that God is love, that love will guide us in all we do making the specifics a moot point.

For those of you following Sophia Meditations, you know that I haven’t written my weekly blog for some time now. You see, I needed a pause to refresh, renew and remember. Now, it’s time to have some chocolate cake!

 

 

 

Relationships, judging and crummy movies…

03 Tuesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Christianity, compassion, human nature, relationships, spirituality

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Some things make me crazy. For example, I hate weeds in my garden; pushy people make me irrational; spotted windows challenge my inner OCD; and find another place to be if my computer, cell phone and/or iPad decide not to work. I try to keep it all in perspective, but some things are tipping points – plain and simple.

The thing that brings me to borderline insanity is when I am around people who have decided they know what I think without taking the time to talk with me about my beliefs and opinions. It seems to be epidemic in our culture today.

We watched a movie the other night. It was not Hollywood’s finest. In all actuality, the plot should have taken about 10 minutes. The film run time was padded with repeated statements, scene’s that made me ever so glad our children didn’t watch it with us and adjectives that would make a Sailor blush. (With all due respect to our United States Navy and what they do to protect and support humanitarianism and world freedom.) The scenario depicted three young men who were either leaving or avoiding relationships. One line made the movie worth the time we invested in it: “…and being there when someone needs you is all relationships are.”

Such a simple statement! It takes the pressure off, doesn’t it? Well, maybe. The key to understanding the concept of a relationship lies in the words “being there”. It reminds us that there is actually some form of responsibility involved in a relationship. Like, a relationship is more than simply enjoying another person’s company and having a good time hanging out with them. There comes a time when something draws us to dive beneath the surface and bring us to that place where we would support, help, guide, nurture, stand beside, rescue, protect, or praise the person we happen to say we are in a relationship with. You know, be there when life happens whether it’s a good or a not so good thing.

But, to be there you have to know the other person. What do they actually believe? How do they really feel about a situation? It isn’t enough to think you know about them simply because of some form of generalizations you make regarding their work, political slant, or spiritual beliefs. Nor is it fair to categorize anyone based on gender, ethnicity, sexual preference, the neighborhood they live in, the car they drive, the complexity or simplicity of their intellect or whether or not they have bad breath. Hmmm – it all sounds a lot like judging someone when we use these traits to assume we know what and how a person thinks.

In his amazing and divine wisdom, Jesus addressed this issue of judgment towards others. Some denominations have turned the concept of judging into a statement of eschatology complete with the false claim of having an insider’s knowledge of who will pass through the pearly gates and who will spend eternity in hell. Unfortunately, to believe that I am in the “saved” category simply because I ascribe to a particular self-righteous lifestyle and subsequently make attempts to bring you into the fold on the pretense that you must change your ways because they are different than mine and therefore they put you in the ‘unsaved’ category is nothing less than absurd. That perspective masks the true intent of Christ’s statement.

You see, Jesus’ messages to us are all pretty uncomplicated. The real beauty is that he didn’t just say them; he lived like he believed them. We all know his statement about the greatest two commandments. Many Christians don’t realize he begins with the Shema, the central prayer of the Jewish faith which can be found in Deuteronomy 6.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise.  Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

In Matthew 22 Christ elaborates on the Shema, not changing it…rather expanding on the meaning of loving God.

He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

This should lead us to deepening our understanding of “loving” God. You see, when we love God with all of our hearts, with all of our souls and with all of our minds we also love all that God created and all that God loves…which is pretty much everything.

This brings us back to judging others and how doing so moves against the concept of love.  Jesus gave us a simple statement for this as well.

Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?

There is something about our human nature that compels us to live by comparison, as if our achievement ratings make us something special. In essence, Jesus called this a myopic perspective. You know, things that are near can be seen clearly, but things that are far away become blurred. He just used logs and specks to make the point clear to his listeners. Sometimes we need a corrective lens to see the blurred images. Sometimes that lens is a long conversation that pulls us out of judging another and into a place of understanding the value of their opinions…even if we don’t agree with them.

Unfortunately, we have some form of misguided belief that friends are people who see eye to eye on everything. First, that isn’t really possible and second, watch how fast such a friendship fails when one party or the other experiences a differing opinion. Those kinds of friendships are based on looking at the other person as a reflection of ourselves and absolutely liking what we see. The more we look, the more we like…until we see a wart, a zit, a blemish that threatens the perfection of our egocentric self. Then, we judge…and they judge…we judge some more…and so it goes.

It is actually much easier to judge someone we don’t know at all. We read a news article or see a television report. Maybe we hear about them from a friend who heard something from another friend. By focusing on the other person’s perceived failures, I might feel pretty good about where I am in life. But, what if I actually meet that person and talk to them? What story will they be able to tell me about the experiences that drew them into certain behaviors or activities? How are their beliefs different than mine? Is there something I can learn from knowing who they are and where they come from? How will my life change as a result of knowing them? How will their life change as a result of knowing me?

Therein lies the depth of meaning in a simple statement from a decidedly bad movie. “Being there when someone needs you is all that relationships are.” To be there, I have to care. I have to know what will help and what won’t. To know those things can only come from knowing the other person. No, not assuming I know them and what’s best for them, but knowing who they are and what they need from me right now…right here.

There is a story about farming in Kenya. The farms were producing poorly. Mission groups talked about teaching the Kenyans to increase their crop production through irrigation systems, better seed, crop rotation and the techniques that American farmers use. However, when they sat down and talked with the Kenyans, they learned that the problem was because of elephants. The solution was to build fences to keep the elephants out of the crops.

Relationships = being there (conversation + listening + understanding – judgment)

There is nothing in the equation about agreeing with everything the other person says, does or believes. It’s essence is in  caring enough about another person to take that proverbial walk in their shoes – along with them.

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Political correctness, tolerance and Picasso…

16 Friday May 2014

Posted by in acceptance, Christianity, compassion, human nature, political correctness, relationships, spirituality, tolerance

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I am sick of political correctness. I think it has more to do with the ‘political’ part of the phrase. Nor am I a fan of tolerance. It smacks of sanctimony and arrogance. It’s our human nature to place a level of righteousness on our beliefs and hold them as the proper perspective in a given the situation. To tolerate alternative ideas is to support another person’s right to think any old way they choose while maintaining my right to feel superior for having the accurate and appropriate belief. Yuck! Who wants to be around that?

Now, about political correctness. I believe there are appropriate and inappropriate behaviors that should be based on civility, manners and compassion. Most world religions have ethical and moral guidelines that let us know when we are playing ‘nice’ and when we are being tasteless and need to rethink our motivation to say or do certain things. Unfortunately, the politically correct movement seems to be generated by those who want to seem tolerant so they instruct the rest of us on what is acceptable – or not – based on their standards and find anyone who doesn’t agree to be intolerant thereby making the alleged tolerant group intolerant of those whom they deem intolerant. You get my point??? Who gets to decide what is correct and what isn’t? It seems be the opinion of the loudest voice when, indeed, there are times that person or group must be challenged.

I am not contending that certain behaviors in our culture don’t need to go away – permanently. It’s not okay to make generalizations about groups of people based on race, gender, socioeconomic level, intellectual abilities, disabilities, hair color, eye color, state they live in, country they came from, sexual preference, books they like or what side they prefer to lay on when they sleep. Not okay! But, we all pretty much know that and, for the most part, are conditioned to be…well, tolerant.

Then there are the groups that the politically correct crowd has decided are fair game for ridicule with absurd generalizations. Just try saying you are Christian, or God forbid…fundamentalist Christian. Throw in a splash of Republican slant and let the games begin. At this point you will become a woman hating, money hungry, uncompassionate, hypocritical homophobe. There are some who might be! The problem is embedded in thinking that everyone within a demographic feels, behaves and believes the same way. Further, the targeted group is judged without tolerance or giving an individual the respect to be heard.

My guess is some of you agreed with me regarding generalizations about race, gender, yada, yada, yada. But, when I got to the hot button buzzwords some polarized in one direction and others were crazed the other way. The thing is, political correctness only welcomes those groups that the politically correct movement chooses to accommodate. Those falling outside of their chosen agendas seem to be fair game to categorize and ridicule.

You also might be wondering why this rant is showing up in a blog that is traditionally focused on Christian spirituality. It’s pretty simple. Nowhere in scripture does Jesus attempt to sway anyone toward his beliefs with sarcasm or contempt for who they are or where they come from. He accepted – not tolerated – Samaritans, tax collectors, prostitutes, crazy people, women, Pharisees and an entire litany of fringe groups as he walked among us. Notice the word ‘us’? He didn’t stay away from or make fun of those people. It didn’t matter who they were! Nor did he arrogantly tolerate them. His compassion included full acceptance for the person he was talking to. It wasn’t about shaming them into thinking his way or accusing them of being less worthy of his time if they were different than him. He showed compassion for all and it was through that compassion that people grew beyond the prejudicial thoughts that bound them.

And, yes, there are fringe groups in all world religions that maintain radical beliefs that unless we look, think and believe with them, we are not worthy of God’s love. I prefer to let God make that determination, thank you very much. Again, if we believe that God loved the world and sent Christ to teach us God’s ways, then we must recognize that God loved the WORLD – not just my corner of it, or my particular group of cronies. Everyone is included in that love. Even the people we make fun of or shame or avoid because they don’t share our physical characteristics, lifestyle or beliefs.

Think of Picasso. Did you know that he not only painted, he created sculptures, ceramics, tapestries and drawings? Further, not all of his paintings are abstract. If I happen into a museum exhibiting his work, I may resonate with one piece over another, although I wouldn’t think to destroy the integrity of a painting or statue that I didn’t understand. Then, if I choose to study his life and art, I might begin to see the beauty in a piece that I previously dismissed. Maybe it will be in his use of color or in the grace or elegance depicted through the flow of lines in his subject. I might become so consumed with his works that I internalize the intimacies of his art and no longer need to look for his signature as a means to recognize the creator.

It is much like our relationship with God. It’s no coincidence that scripture begins with two equally beautiful descriptions of God’s joy in creating all that we know and exclaiming, “it is good”. I guess “good” includes cockroaches and snakes, although I’m not sure why. It also includes all those people who are different than me, as well as dogs, cats, tomatoes, trees and ponds. When I look at these things, not simply as objects around me, but rather as the art of God – the things God made – I recognize the artist’s love for each and every object in his/her collection and I learn to handle those items as if I truly believe they are good.

Ellen DeGeneres said it quite well in regard to her comedy:

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else’s expense. And I find that that’s just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else’s feelings.

Sometimes we bully to get a laugh, to make a point, to get a political vote or in a misguided attempt to elevate our own status or power. It’s never okay – not under the guise of political correctness or the equally offensive buzzword “tolerance”. It is okay to honestly and respectfully share perspectives and grow in acceptance of someone who is different than you, remembering all the while that you are indeed different to them as well.

Marriage, Puppies, and Unconditional Love…

02 Friday May 2014

Posted by in compassion, human nature, love, marriage, spirituality

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imagesRelationships can be pretty darn hard. After almost 3 decades of marriage, there are still days when I wonder what in the world my husband is thinking. Of course, even though I frequently choose not to admit it, he has similar thoughts about me. It is an interesting phenomenon to think about, particularly as the wedding-season is approaching. I mean, what do you tell young people as they look at you with starry eyes and ask the rhetorical question, “How do you make a marriage last?” The first thing I typically think is that I am being patronized because of my age. You know, ask the old queen an easy question so she can preserve whatever brainpower she has left. Then, my thoughts move to questioning the intent of the question. Is this soon-to-be young bride or groom seriously wondering about maintaining the health of their relationship or do they want reassurance that their partnership is special and immune from dissolving into frustration, arguing and potentially divorce?

There are many people I know, including my husband and myself, that have had what we now fondly refer to as our “starter marriages”. These unions began with optimism about what life should be after the I-do’s, but can’t withstand the realities that present themselves as life moves on. Some are doomed from the start simply because of unrealistic expectations. You know, things like, “It will be better when we are married,” or “I am ___ years old and it’s time for me to settle down”. Some marriages expire when one party or the other realizes they were in love with what they wanted the other person to be rather than to clearly see who they are. Still others end because our culture is not very good at making things work. There seems to be a belief that if a relationship is hard, it’s not meant to be.

Allow me to sidebar at this point. Some marriages are not meant to be! Substance and/or physical and emotional abuse are deal killers. When they occur, the relationship is over. There are some amazingly strong people who can rise beyond their behaviors and addictions with professional help. These individuals have my utmost respect.

So, what makes a marriage last? Go to any wedding shower and you will find sage advice woven into the conversation or, more obtrusively, written on cards that are presented with high hopes to the young couple. Honestly, to tell them to be open and honest at all times and to never go to bed angry sound good. But, how long do those virtues continue after the “I do’s”? “Open and honest” is well and good until the first bad haircut or the pants that actually do make one’s backside appear larger than normal. How about “open and honest” when the in-laws are coming for an extended visit? Or after making an expensive, special, time involved dinner that tastes like cardboard? How open should one actually be? Honesty is vital, but what happens when it falls in the category of being brutal?

Then we have the concept of never going to bed angry. Really? As if anything is actually accomplished in the midst of fatigue after a long, frustrating day when all one really wants to do is go to sleep? In theory, rest and sleep are better when stress is minimal, but the reality is there will be times when it takes more than a day or two to resolve some issues. That doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. It simply means there is something big in the way and it will take some pondering, soul searching, introspection, prayer and, possibly, professional help to come out on the other side of it. Like the other difficulties we face in life, these times can be catalysts for growth and deepening our understanding of who we are – both as individuals and as partners.

Again, what makes a marriage last? It took some years to figure this one out. The funny thing is, it is not as complicated as we try to make it. Maya Angelou phrased it beautifully in her famous quote:

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Herein lies the key. It’s not about the money or the children. It doesn’t matter if the house is big or small or if the car is new or old. Nor does it matter if one partner or the other travels 5 days a week or works long hours. What does matter is that in the midst of life, both people feel loved, nurtured, respected, appreciated and safe. I guess that’s where open and honest fit in. Beautiful words and gestures mean nothing if they aren’t believable. But, when they are backed up by complete honesty, they are cupid’s arrow to the heart. Love begins and renews itself over and over again.

The thing is, this mantra doesn’t work only in marriage. It is important in the workforce, at school, with our children or in any other interaction we have. We avoid the people who make us feel inferior, stupid, naive, or incapable, yet we migrate toward those who encourage, praise, admire or complement our actions. We long to be acceptable and accepted.

I think that’s why I love my dog so much. It doesn’t matter what mood I am in, how unorganized or crazy I feel, if I have dressed up for the day or if I am schlunking around the house in pajamas. She offers me the gift of unconditional love. Because of that, I can forget that she gnawed on the dining room rug, (it’s been replaced), or had her way with a little used chair, (the upholsterer is coming to pick it up one of these days). What I do remember is that she is always glad to see me and share her tail wags and puppy kisses.

You see, I believe God is the same way. God will love me always – in spite of my moods, my outbursts, and every personality wart that makes me…well, ME. To know and recognize God’s unconditional love allows me to chisel away at my more negative side and let the good shine through just a little more. God’s love makes me feel a little safer, a bit calmer…and the list goes on.

So, what about marriage? What makes a marriage last? In my opinion, the cryptic answer is embedded in knowing puppies, God and the wisdom of Maya Angelou.

Maybe we should expand on the statement, “I do” and make it “I do intend to make you feel loved, nurtured, respected, appreciated and safe every day of my life and if I don’t, I am counting on you to love me unconditionally until I do again.”

That should come right before, “And I promise to always pick up my socks.”

 

I’m done with Easter…

20 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by in Christianity, compassion, Easter, human nature, meditation, spirituality

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imagesI am done with Easter! I should probably clarify that I am done with what seems to be some general beliefs about Easter.

First, there is the Easter that has been hijacked by consumerism. Discount and grocery store shelves are filled with chocolate candies wrapped in pastel colors…the same sweets that sported orange and black just a few months ago. Kitchen appliance and decor stores boast chicks, eggs and bunny-painted plates that seem to guarantee a fabulous Easter dinner, complete with perfect families and a stress free day…as if there is such a thing. Department stores and boutiques have their window mannequins decked out in floral dresses and seersucker suits. Hats are not only everywhere; they seem to be a mandatory purchase. We are bombarded with the consumer version of the holiday – complete with promises that if we buy just the right stuff, our Easter will be as magical as the moment when Mary Magdalene realized it wasn’t the gardener she was speaking to.

Then, there is the other Easter. You know the one where we are supposed to become joyful because Jesus died on a cross to atone for my sorry life and filter how I appear to God? Like, I am supposed to be glad that this perfect, amazing man who died a gruesome, painful death simply because of me…okay, and all the rest of humanity…came back to life and I am somehow supposed to trust the god that planned this horrific event that happened to his “beloved”? I mean, love a god that slaughters innocence? I know, I know…it’s about the resurrection not the crucifixion; yet somehow in this theological format the emphasis always ends up on the wrong event.

The thing is, there is an Easter that I not only believe in, it’s one that I can find embedded with joy, trust and love for God. It’s one that absolutely recognizes Christ’s death on the cross and His return to life. The difference is, the Easter I believe in also celebrates Christ’s life simply because it is through his life that he taught us how to live. It’s so obvious in the text of John 14: 6-12.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.” Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.” Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own; but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves. Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father.

Do you see it? Of course, it’s all about the semantics. Who hasn’t experienced a zealous Christian evangelist who preaches belief in Jesus is a pre-requisite for salvation by using this text? But, what is it we are supposed to believe? That there was a virgin birth? That God is so angry at humanity that only Christ can convince God not to turn his back on us forever? That if I follow a prescribed set of religious behaviors then I, too, can be saved? That God hates certain groups of people? That God is gender specific?

It seems to me that Jesus said it all and humanity spent the next couple of millennia not only defining what he meant, but making rules that have very little to do with the message of God’s love that Jesus preached and modeled through his life and ministry. In this passage from John, Jesus basically says, “Look at me. Look at how I love even those who others think are unlovable. Do you see how I was compassionate even with someone who everyone else hated? Someone who was outcast? Someone who was unclean? Someone who was alone, forgotten, crippled??? I spent time with tax collectors, women, social misfits, zealots, Pharisees and a whole litany of crazy, mixed-up people and enjoyed them all! And, you know what? To know me is to know my father. You see me, you know who I am and how I am excited about every single person I meet! Well guess what! God longs to know you, too! The thing is, God wants you to know God as he/she is…not the ogre humanity has made out of convoluted images of God. I am like God and God is like me. Isn’t that good news???!!!”

That said, I find it impossible to believe that God mandated Christ’s brutal, painful death. What I do find plausible is that certain groups saw Jesus as a threat to their power and authority. Others saw him as disruptive to their way of life. To maintain the order of life, as they knew it, Jesus had to go away. But, he wouldn’t! He continued to preach and teach God’s ways even when his own safety was threatened. He knew it was a matter of time and he attempted to prepare his followers for the day when he was gone. Jesus loved people, but understood the dark side of human nature well enough to know that his time was limited. Is that what God wanted or intended? I sincerely doubt it. I believe God wanted humanity to embrace the message Christ brought to them from God. That message showed people the “way” which was “truth” and offered “light” to the dangers of a life lived honoring wealth, power and authority. Jesus’s way showed humanity what it meant to live life as God created us all to live.

I often use the example of a toaster. It comes with an instruction booklet to let the owner know how to use it safely, limitations of its function and what to do if it isn’t working. The bottom line is, the toaster is designed to do certain things. If I decided to make pancakes in my toaster – not the pre-made frozen variety, but homemade buttermilk pancakes – I would create a horrible mess. My toaster would be dripping with batter, the heating elements would likely blow out, there would be the stench of burned goo, and I not only have to make other plans for breakfast, I would probably need to send my toaster in for repairs. A toaster is not made to make pancakes. However, if I make toast in my toaster, I will be happy with the results and my toaster won’t wear out quite as quickly. Maybe I’ll try to make a grilled cheese sandwich in it, or toast a frosted pastry. If I do, I again run the risk of damaging my toaster. If I keep expecting my toaster to do things that it was never intended to do, I might need to have someone show me how to properly use it. The engineer who designed it might come to help me. Most likely, I would get my tutorial from someone else who knew what the engineer intended in his/her design and could guide me along the way.

God lovingly created us and the world we live in. Throughout time God has attempted to hand us an owners manual. Take the 10 Commandments for example. They are a guide for living by loving God above all things and loving others as we love ourselves. When humanity had issues following the rules, God sent Jesus to show us what living as God designed us to live looked like. Jesus is the way…God’s way. Can anyone picture Jesus nailing someone to a cross? I can’t. Yet, to know Jesus is to know God. It doesn’t fit that God’s vengeance came in the form of murder. Killing unrighteous behavior with love, kindness, compassion and mercy is more likely.

You see, I believe that the crucifixion is a minor event in the fascinating story of God’s love. Even when humanity attempted to destroy God’s message of love and hope, God won. Jesus went to the tomb and on the third day…a day that should have found his body decaying and smelly, a day that the ancient culture would have identified as verification that he was really, REALLY dead…Jesus lived. Furthermore, he didn’t live to tell us that God was done with us and that the only reason he had to die was our fault for being such failures. He lived to tell humanity that, in Paul’s words, “…neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

Now, that’s an Easter I can get excited about! Alleluia!!!

 

Community Outrage and the game called “Mousetrap”…

14 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by in hate, human nature, Lenten Meditaion, love, Uncategorized

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ImageMy brother and I thoroughly enjoyed the game Mousetrap when we were children. So much so, I tracked it down for my kids when they were the right age. I think it’s still in the attic…somewhere. Which reminds me, I could certainly spend some quality time cleaning the attic…and basement…and garage…not to mention several closets. But, that’s a different topic for another time.

My recollection of Mousetrap came about this morning while I was brushing my teeth and thinking about my daily first cup of coffee. Those simple activities were overshadowed, however, by the sorrow clouding the morning. Snow, although unusual for this late in the spring, seemed entirely appropriate today. Its chilling presence was consistent with the knowledge that yet another shooting occurred and threw a community into unrelenting agony. This time an innocent adolescent, his grandfather and a woman were murdered simply because they were in buildings with Jewish ties. None of them were Jewish, by the way. Neither were many of the other people who were there. These buildings and the people who built and administered them welcomed everyone who came in peace to enjoy what they had to offer. Some came for the arts; some to work out or compete in friendly competitions; some were there for health care or retirement living. Their commonality? All are God’s children. Period. Plain and simple, yet it’s all that actually matters. Not their collective theology, ethnicity, socioeconomic level, favorite color or the kind of dog they happen to have. All of them – even the shooter.

Our game of Mousetrap consisted of building a simple machine designed to catch a mouse in the overly engineered Rube Goldberg fashion. Once the structure was completed, a series of amusing chain reactions – including an old boot kicking a ball which fell from a tower into a bathtub causing the tub to tip making the ball roll into a stick that caused a vibration making the trap fall – resulted in catching a mouse shaped marker on the game board. It was a silly, childhood game that taught us about cause and effect, much like building a domino structure. If everything lines up in the right way, one event will cause all of the tiles to methodically fall. The community of game pieces moved together…standing and falling through the course of events, interacting with each other as they careened toward their final movement.

Yesterday’s event was yet another in a series of violent attacks on groups of innocent people. The list is infinite. When did it start? When will it end? We try to blame guns, as if inanimate objects are capable of brainwashing the individuals in possession of them. Knives, pressure cookers, nails, fertilizer and a litany of everyday products have also been in the news as tools utilized in mass destruction. I suspect everything we know of can be used for either good or evil. Maybe it’s actually us – humanity – at the root of this epidemic of violence and slaughter. Maybe we have come to a place where we must scrutinize who we are and have become as a society to find a realistic blame and subsequent fix for these events.

Yesterday’s shooter is reported to be a retired Army veteran – a Green Beret, no less! This is a man who served during the turbulent era of Vietnam, peace demonstrations, and hippies. He spent the next decades absorbing himself with hate groups and the idea of white supremacy, although hate isn’t simply a factor of skin color nor does it mean caucasians have a corner on the hate market. But then, I digress again. The point is, what happened to him? What series of domino events tumbled through his life to bring him to this final, hellish event? How did hate replace the respect for liberty and freedom that he pledged to represented during his military career? Or, did his hate for people who looked and thought differently than he did motivate his actions even then?

You see, I believe that if we weep for the victims, we must also weep for the accused. Something is going on in our society that produces the perfect storm of hate, anger, hostility and warped idealism that nurtures the distorted perspective embraced by some that these actions are somehow appropriate. No, the average citizen doesn’t condone such cowardly violence. In spite of that, the frequency of these events is gaining momentum.

It brings me back to cause and effect. We live in a “live and let live” culture where “I’m okay and you’re okay”. We turn away from a neighbor who seems odd or weird and let them “do their own thing”. We find reasons for every behavior whether it’s a disability, a life event, a poor parent or a disadvantaged childhood. There is even a new condition called “affluenza” which the book Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic defines it as “a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more.” Seriously? Why not call it what it is? Greed! But, no, instead of burdening an individual with personal responsibility, we find reasons for inappropriate, unreasonable, wrong behaviors as if by giving someone excuses it will help them find a better way. This is nothing more than enabling some to continue to live as if nothing but their personal issues, beliefs and desires are the only things that matter. Unfortunately, self-absorbed conduct builds on itself. Most of the enabled will live relatively calm lives driven by their narcissistic tendencies. Others will grow increasingly dissatisfied with their perspective of what is wrong with the world. A few, when the dominos of their life experiences line up just right, will justify hideous actions as if they were doing the right thing.

Our response is to mourn the loss of innocent life and exterminate what we blame as the cause, whether it is a person or a thing. It is much more difficult to reflect on who we have become as a society that these heinous events continue to happen. Maybe we need to stop categorizing people with absurd generalizations that are intended to apply to the entire group whether we are referring to religion, politics, ethnicity, socioeconomics, school we attend and/or favorite flavor of ice cream. It’s as if the us-and-them mentality should be a rule for choosing our friends and targeting our enemies.

But, God had something else in mind for us. Jesus, who was betrayed by a friend and murdered by those who didn’t understand him and therefore hated him, never deviated from his message of compassion for all of humanity. It wasn’t limited to his religious tradition, his gender, his geographical home or his family. No, he didn’t condone poor behavior or chalk it up to the result of a difficult life. He stretched people to be all that they could be. He healed physical, emotional and behavioral scars through love and compassion and challenged those who were touched by him to live as he did loving and serving the world around him.

Hate, on the other hand, will eat away at someone until something awful happens. No, it won’t always be mass killings. But, we might do or say something that hurts another person so deeply that they begin to hate, too. Or, we might be the role model to a fragile mind that accepts our justification of prejudice towards a targeted group of others. The dominos start to set-up. The next person might influence another and pretty soon universal traits of an individual in a group become some sort of crazy factual norm. Like, my blond hair makes me intellectually inferior or my political views make me a hater. Neither of which are true. But, to the ‘other’ who doesn’t know me as a person, the generalizations become who I am in their mind and they hate me for it. Another domino…

I wonder about yesterday’s shooter, as I do the boy with a knife in Pennsylvania and the Boston Marathon bombers. I wonder about Judas and Pilate and Herod. I wonder about Mother Theresa and Francis of Assisi. I wonder about Hitler and Stalin. I wonder about my neighbors and what joys and pains they face. I wonder about hope and care and compassion and crime. I wonder about greed and responsibility and whether or not the frost tonight will affect the blooms of spring. Each of these things can become the cause and effect for good or for evil. When I turn the crank, will the mousetrap fall? Or will one slight alteration in the course of events change the outcome?

Our community is shocked and in mourning. May we rise up from this outrage with eyes so open that we recognize where we can change hate into something that looks a lot like love and compassion. As our arms open to those who grieve the loss of a loved one, may we also examine our own hearts to realize where we, too, bear responsibility for the atrocities we experience in life.

 

 

The death of a man…

22 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by in choices, compassion, hate, human nature, Lenten Meditaion, love, spirituality, Uncategorized

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I clearly recall the day I saw the gathering on the sidewalk. Several police officers were stationed on the opposite side of the street watching the men, women and children who held pickets splattered with messages depicting a belief that it is somehow God’s will for anyone who doesn’t fit within a narrow spectrum of behavior to die a horrible and painful death. Furthermore, if we show any love or compassion for their targeted population, we should share the same vengeful fate. Additionally, our national acceptance of all people is in jeopardy as proven when our military men and women die while defending, amongst other things, our right to speak as viciously as this famous group of people who erroneously call themselves a ‘church’, ‘believers in God’, and, I choke on the word, ‘Christians’.

It was all I could do to keep from driving onto the walkway to permanently silence them. How could they infect children with this distorted perception of God and how God feels about humanity? Children are born beautifully open to people of all colors, religions, sexual orientations, ethnicities, and abilities. They can only enter the box of prejudice with instruction from the adults they look up to. This group of adults damages the innocence of their children as they attacked people unknown to them, an attack generated simply because they did not share the group’s distorted religious beliefs. The day I saw them, they stood in front of a building that served Jewish believers on Saturday and offered Christian services on Sunday. It wasn’t their traditional venue of tormenting grieving families at military funerals; yet, it exemplified their perverted position that God sees life the way they see it.

Then it happened. Their patriarch and church founder died. His passing has permeated not only the news, but also clutters social media sites and seems to be the topic of choice for many, like myself, who write or preach about spiritual matters. I didn’t intend to write about his passing. But, it has been gnawing at me. The thing is, I like to think I’m not writing about his life; rather I am meditating on how his life has affected our society. The only significance I find in his life and death is in the overall goodness of society and the pervasive attitude that we must never stoop to his level of hate. News reports and social media comments share a general message of compassion for his family as they mourn their loss. A few have threatened to picket his funeral just as he did to others. But, each of these remarks have been met with reminders of a loving God and encouragement to show the family compassion. Even the church I mentioned above had a message in their signage asking for peace as he enters eternity.

What I see in all of this is God’s hand. God was in the crowds who created barriers at gravesides to protect grieving families from their venom. God is present in the goodness and peaceful wishes extended to his family as they grieve. God is in every heart that weeps for this man and the life he lived never knowing the love and grace God extends to all. God himself (herself?) probably weeps with intense sadness that this man, God’s beloved, never knew the joy God showered around him throughout his life. He only knew the deity of hate he created in his mind to support his fears and prejudices about people who were not like him.

The problem is, this man is not totally unlike us. His example is of a life lived without compassion. Yet, we have the potential to live in his world when it is convenient for us. We claim we would never teach a child to hate, but what are we doing to teach them to love? What do we teach them when we are angry with someone and rant about that person’s less desirable characteristics? What if those attributes include an ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or disabilities that the child transfers to all people with those traits? Further, we think we would never stand in the midst of another’s grief and shout scathing epitaphs about their loved one deserving to die. Yet, we might find ourselves unwilling to forgive someone who has wronged us and secretly hope they experience pain.

I like to think I live out of compassion for all of God’s creation. Yet, I am sure there are times when God shakes his (her) head at my choices. My prayer is that as I continue to navigate this crazy thing called “life”, I grow increasingly aware of God’s love and presence in all things…so aware that I have no choice but to make the right choice.

As for you Mr. Phelps, I believe in the power of God’s love. It is because of that belief, I pray you will rest in peace, finally knowing yourself as God’s beloved, fully aware of the pain your hate rendered and equally conscience of the incredible mercy God shared with you when God called you home.

Epilogue: The family of the man picketed again last night. On the other side of the street was a group of people with a single banner that read, “We are sorry for your loss.” Some hear God’s gentle nudge to meet hate with compassion and some are deafened by the noise of their own prejudice. Most of us fall somewhere in between…

Pondering Paul, life and cooking on a snow-day…

05 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by in human nature, spirituality

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UnknownI love an occasional snow day. The operative word here is ‘occasional’, which is why this week has been so exciting and…well…fun! Being stuck at home becomes an opportunity to try new recipes, read and generally catch up on household tasks, although my first impulse on such a day is to go to my stack of cookbooks. This is no small event as my collection fills several shelves. I have attempted to purge the lesser-used volumes, only to find a favorite memory or recipe tucked deep within the pages making it nearly impossible to let them go. My favorites have become something like a journal with ballpoint scribbles filling the margins noting the changes I made in the original recipe to spice them up…or down…or make them creamier…or healthier…or simply to cast a bit of my own creativity on a simple item. I also noticed a significant number of my entries included nutritional counts depending on my diet of the year. Some notations focused on carbohydrate and protein counts; some a magical point system; and some simply calories. Each notation reminded me that I have spent much of my adult life trying to find the balance between my love of amazing foods and maintaining a reasonable weight for my height and build. For anyone nodding or smiling at this moment, you know exactly what I mean! I have had some long and interesting conflicts in this tug of war, yet foods, particularly if chocolate is involved, tend to dominate the contest. My name is Linda, and I am a foodie.

Admittedly, I also dabble in exercise. I have tried yoga, pilates, working with a personal trainer, running and strength training. I have joined clubs, bought DVD’s to use at home, worn pedometers and logged every activity from cleaning the bathroom to hiking several miles. If I am blatantly honest about my physical activity, I have to admit my motivation to work out is the anticipation of going face first into home baked bread slathered with fresh butter or a sinful dessert. There was even a summer when my mantra was “walking for wine” in an attempt to justify my vino-calories. The simple truth is my appetite for culinary delights tends to exceed my energy output. I know what I need to do. Seriously, I could write the next great diet and exercise book detailing what should be done. However, I struggle with doing the very thing that is considered to be good for me when faced with the temptation offered by a fabulous meal.

In his letter to the Romans, the Apostle Paul seems to get it when he said:

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15

Now, in all fairness, Paul was speaking of much more exciting and important things than diet and exercise. He was speaking about the Law, sin and our human nature. Yet, it seems to cover the little things as well as the big things. How often do we know on a conscious level what we need to do for our health – whether it is the health of our bodies, our minds or the health of our relationships – but find ourselves doing the very thing we know is contrary to our wisdom? It’s more than whether or not I should enjoy that mammoth snicker doodle with my afternoon coffee. It’s the snarky attitude I adopted when I didn’t want to buy yet another box of Girl Scout cookies from a ‘neighbor’ who popped out of nowhere. Or the gesture I offered to the person who stole the parking place I saw and intrinsically knew was meant for me. Or the…or the…or the…and the list goes on until I devour that cookie to soothe whatever guilt I feel for my bad attitude and behaviors knowing full well that it’s going to take more than a hike around the block to undo what I just did.

Yup, Paul, you got it right. “I do not understand my own actions.” So, so true much of the time! “I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” Well, not everything, but plenty to talk about. How, then, do I turn it around?

Paul also assures us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23). Yet, God loves us so much that nothing can separate us from God’s love. (Romans 8:38-39) To put this in perspective, Paul is essentially telling us that we are going to mess up and we are going to do things that we know are wrong. Each time we make a decision, and life certainly offers us a plethora of them, we are challenged to turn toward that which loves us unconditionally and away from something else. The more we turn toward goodness, the better we become at doing what Paul would identify as the things ‘I long to do’ and ‘not the very thing I hate’, ultimately radiating the love of the one who created us and loves us more than we can possibly imagine.

Paul gives us another clue about choosing our behaviors in Philippians 4:7-9:

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.

Isn’t peace what we continue to search for? Paul offers a beautiful litmus test for peace and doing the right thing:  is it true, honorable, just, pure, pleasing, commendable, excellence and worthy of praise?

As a young adult I would hear the advice to “count to 10” before reacting to another’s particularly noxious behaviors. The current trend is to ask, “will this matter in 10 minutes…10 days…or ten years?” I won’t remember said parking spot in 10 days, although my neighbor will undoubtedly remember that I snubbed her daughter’s cookie business for at least that amount of time. And the snicker doodle? Maybe I’ll break it into quarters and enjoy part of it today. Otherwise it will still make its presence known on my hips for the next ten years!

The reality of my prayer is that I am able to breathe deeply enough to keep the ‘rule of 10’ in mind as I respond to the land mines of life. And, in that breath, however long it takes, may I find enough peace to behave as if I am indeed a reflection of God’s love.